Father
May 28th would have been a one year anniversary death of my father: Leland Thomas Willis.
I still have the last letter he wrote and the wedding card of congratulations that he had attempted to send...
I never got to meet my father, but I have great respect for him. He came to know his sins and attempted to make amends without rehashing the past. It is neither of our faults that we didn't meet one another. I no longer blame him for leaving. He shouldn't of left me when I was in the hospital having heart surgery, but that can not be helped now that he is gone. Blaming him and wasting time fighting is no way to spend his last moments on this Earth.
I tried to make his last moments as content as possible. I talked to him and consoled him the best way a daughter could: through encouragement and hope. Even if the hope was false, I still had a false hope myself that I would meet him one day and know the man I called: Father.
My father basically smoked himself to death and that is why I am against smoking altogether.
He lost a lung and was basically bedridden on his deathbed until the day he died. He suffered immense pain that basically disabled him completely. He had to quit the job he loved and rely on others to do basic things in life.
He was a security officer and sent me his badge and other personal belongings like his pocket watch before he passed on. He claimed that I was his greatest achievement and that he was sorry he never got to meet me or become Vincent's grandfather. Perhaps they are together in Heaven. I can only hope that he is comforting my baby right now and being the grandfather he never got to be.
He was a grandfather for a week before he died. I was in Salt Lake City when I called to let him know about Vincent. He cried when he heard about the news of his heart condition. He was the only person who really understood the seriousness of it. (My mother choose to ignore Vincent's heart condition due to childish hope that he was a normal baby.)
I told him I would call him back as soon as we learned more...the next day he died. I still feel guilty to this day that I never got to call him. It was not easy keeping in touch with people then. You were not allowed to carry cell phones in the PICU or even call them in the waiting room. It was a serious time and I regret not calling him when I had the chance. You think that someone will always be around and then the next minute they are gone.
Because I was a high risk pregnancy, I did not have the option of simply going out and flying to Florida to see him. He did not want to risk my pregnancy and hurt VIncent because of his desire to meet me. It had been 24 years and I believe he could've met me, had he had the desire to. He certainly had the means.
I regret not meeting him, but I never did have the money to do the traveling. The SLC funding came from the Angel Network at the hospital in Great Falls. That is the only way we even survived in SLC. Also, we had funding from The McDonald House--a wonderful charity. I am not a person who preaches her belief's on anyone else, but I sincerely hope he is up there with my sweet baby boy and that they are both at peace. They both suffered through so much just to be loved by someone.
I only have a few pictures of my father and they are old and not current. His brother has tried to contact me, but I have not heard from him since the last hurricane. I hope everything is alright. They are my last connection to my father.
I sometimes wonder, if I had facial features of my father, or if Vincent carried any of his traits?
I will never know...
I still have the last letter he wrote and the wedding card of congratulations that he had attempted to send...
I never got to meet my father, but I have great respect for him. He came to know his sins and attempted to make amends without rehashing the past. It is neither of our faults that we didn't meet one another. I no longer blame him for leaving. He shouldn't of left me when I was in the hospital having heart surgery, but that can not be helped now that he is gone. Blaming him and wasting time fighting is no way to spend his last moments on this Earth.
I tried to make his last moments as content as possible. I talked to him and consoled him the best way a daughter could: through encouragement and hope. Even if the hope was false, I still had a false hope myself that I would meet him one day and know the man I called: Father.
My father basically smoked himself to death and that is why I am against smoking altogether.
He lost a lung and was basically bedridden on his deathbed until the day he died. He suffered immense pain that basically disabled him completely. He had to quit the job he loved and rely on others to do basic things in life.
He was a security officer and sent me his badge and other personal belongings like his pocket watch before he passed on. He claimed that I was his greatest achievement and that he was sorry he never got to meet me or become Vincent's grandfather. Perhaps they are together in Heaven. I can only hope that he is comforting my baby right now and being the grandfather he never got to be.
He was a grandfather for a week before he died. I was in Salt Lake City when I called to let him know about Vincent. He cried when he heard about the news of his heart condition. He was the only person who really understood the seriousness of it. (My mother choose to ignore Vincent's heart condition due to childish hope that he was a normal baby.)
I told him I would call him back as soon as we learned more...the next day he died. I still feel guilty to this day that I never got to call him. It was not easy keeping in touch with people then. You were not allowed to carry cell phones in the PICU or even call them in the waiting room. It was a serious time and I regret not calling him when I had the chance. You think that someone will always be around and then the next minute they are gone.
Because I was a high risk pregnancy, I did not have the option of simply going out and flying to Florida to see him. He did not want to risk my pregnancy and hurt VIncent because of his desire to meet me. It had been 24 years and I believe he could've met me, had he had the desire to. He certainly had the means.
I regret not meeting him, but I never did have the money to do the traveling. The SLC funding came from the Angel Network at the hospital in Great Falls. That is the only way we even survived in SLC. Also, we had funding from The McDonald House--a wonderful charity. I am not a person who preaches her belief's on anyone else, but I sincerely hope he is up there with my sweet baby boy and that they are both at peace. They both suffered through so much just to be loved by someone.
I only have a few pictures of my father and they are old and not current. His brother has tried to contact me, but I have not heard from him since the last hurricane. I hope everything is alright. They are my last connection to my father.
I sometimes wonder, if I had facial features of my father, or if Vincent carried any of his traits?
I will never know...