I SHOULDNT BE SURVIVING IN THE FIRST PLACE.
its only two days. and god's telling me i shouldnt be alive in the first place. being more than contented, i take things for granted. i should forgo my passion and interests because of this family. 19 years of life. ive been waiting for this moment. but its so near yet so far. always, when something happens, i always thought of leaving this house for good. am i wrong in the very first place to pursue my passion that im not supposed to? why others are able to do it but not my family. havent i be good enough not to take a single cent from them for my own expenses? havent i be good enough to pursue my education just to allow his wish to come true. but everything, makes me seemed lost. i feel like crying out loud. i feel like listening to the loud thump of having my body landed on the ground from afar. im at lost. i feel like... seeking help from her. my tears are flowing like a river writing this. who can i seek help from? none. not any of my friends. i cant think of any names. im lost and all alone.
i thought im always one bright and matured one to think about family, as compared to my friends. perhaps im too naive to even think of that. perhaps im just the same as what some of them were, spoilt brat. forget it. nobody is going to understand. in the midst of me stressing out, i felt that i'd rather die than to stress out over something im caring for my family yet people doesnt feel it. why, is everybody against me.
in conclusion. i this they hate me.
i thought im always one bright and matured one to think about family, as compared to my friends. perhaps im too naive to even think of that. perhaps im just the same as what some of them were, spoilt brat. forget it. nobody is going to understand. in the midst of me stressing out, i felt that i'd rather die than to stress out over something im caring for my family yet people doesnt feel it. why, is everybody against me.
in conclusion. i this they hate me.