Other Women's Bodies Aren't Your Problem
On my Facebook feed, someone brought my attention to this post: My Husband Doesn't Need to See Your Boobs.
It's...rather amazing. A prime example of people shifting the blame and catalyst for their own issues onto others. I wasn't even sure where to begin analyzing this crap, so I just plucked out a few gems to respond to.
On the way to my first class, after three Dang, girl! comments from {ahem} fine, upstanding young men, I realized why Dad had hidden those suckers away.
So, early on you established that you should change your dress and behavior in order to both please and dissuade men (daddy and strangers respectively). And you also, quite likely, swallowed this idea (which is very much apart of the patriarchal crap that poisons our society) that men "just can't help themselves."
But I am writing to share the perspective of a woman who is fighting for her marriage. And for that reason, I want to tell you that I don’t need my husband to see your boobs.
And I'm writing back to tell you that this world is full of tits. Your husband's going to seen them, has probably already seen his fair share.
By the grace of God I’m forever bound to the granny tankini with a built-in skirt. File that away with #thingsIneverthoughtI’dsay.
So, because you're uncomfortable with your body, your expectation is that all other women should refuse to wear what you (think you) cannot.
But I want to tell you that it’s a stumbling block in our marriage.
No. Lack of communication, body image issues, and basic distrust is a stumbling block in your marriage. You've just pinned it on the bodies of other women because that's easier than taking a good hard look at your situation and figuring out what's wrong.
Again, I am not faulting you. And by no means am I faulting him. This man of mine diverts his eyes from whatever questionable images flash on the screen before him. But sometimes the temptation is too much.
Save that you are. You're upset that women are comfortable enough in their skin to wear what they want. And you seem to have an obvious distrust of your husband which assumes he can't look at a woman in a bathing suit, find her attractive and yet still find you attractive.
While I certainly don't know your situation (maybe you guys have dealt with infidelity in the past - but that's still not the fault of other women's bodies; it's the fault of whoever broke their vows), it doesn't seem you're giving your husband much credit.
I mean, I find many men attractive (just look at my Tumblr) and yet...I find my husband attractive (physically and mentally) and am very happy to jump his bones.
Well adjusted people understand that their spouses/partners are going to find other people attractive. If you don't understand that or you have this huge fear that you're not enough for your spouse/partner or that they're going to leave you for someone less stretch-marked, or more tan, or younger, then that's something you need to discuss with your spouse/partner. And probably a marriage counselor.
When your bare shoulders and stretchmark-less bellies and tanned legs pop up, I not only worry if my husband will linger over your picture. I worry how he will compare me to you.
Then I suggest seeking the help of a good therapist. Because this is your problem. It is not mine (not that I'm stretch mark free by any means, but I don't fucking care at this point; life's too short to not enjoy myself). And it is not the problem of other women.
Can I say it one more time? I’m not judging you.
Yeah. You are. Own it. A little judgment makes the world go 'round.
But would you, could you, keep your boobs out of my marriage?
If there are other boobs in your marriage, it's because you brought them in as a diversion to actually figuring out your problems. Originally posted at: http://raptureofthemoon.dreamwidth.org/29298.html. Comment here or comment there with OpenID.