You know where to find me.
I've been pondering a type of people. You know... The type that you constantly have to get in contact with if you want to talk with them or see them, because phones/internet/etc. only go one way? (Which, eventually, leads to you doing all of the work in order to maintain the relationship.)
I was thinking of it somewhat in relation to this informal group of friends/acquaintances we've been hanging out with, on Sunday mornings, at the coffee shop, for the last three or four years. We've seen them occasionally outside the coffee shop--had dinner a time or two, gone to a couple people's houses for get-togethers--so it's enough of an acquaintanceship to be considered friendship-lite....I suppose.
And I expect that a few of them will probably be upset that we haven't been back by the coffee shop to say goodbye before we move (next Friday/Saturday). Due in large part, of course, to the business of moving and the fact that Sunday is our day to sleep in, right now, since Saturday tends to be for errands and other things.
Anyway, at the thought of them possibly being upset, my mind immediately shot to: Well, you know where to find me. You have me on Facebook. You have my phone number. And you know, generally, where I live. If a goodbye is important enough that you'll be upset if it doesn't happen in person? You can contact me and we can arrange, even, a fifteen minute slot of time between my packing and cleaning.
I try to give people the benefit of the doubt...because, in adulthood? Life is busy. And once you're done with the daily grind (work, errands, cleaning, cooking, etc.) and finding time for yourself, then you try to find time for others. And it doesn't always work. I know that.
Still it takes two people to maintain some kind of relationship. Occasionally the balance is going to shift, making one person do a little more work...and that's o.k. That's fine; that's how relationships flow; it's not always a perfect 50-50. But when that balance is always shifted to one person? It gets a little old.
I suppose that's why I don't really attempt to make long lasting, one-on-one friendships...most of the time. (Which was always kind of hard to do, anyway, being a military brat and moving around so often. I cherish the friendships I've been able to keep, even if they're down to virtual interactions now due to distance.) Invariably, I seem to end up in the role of doing most of the heavy lifting. And I just don't have the will to do that anymore. I'll try--give it a good faith effort--but I don't keep trying; not like I used to. I can't do that to myself.
I suppose, I do and will take the acquaintanceship, as it comes...
But if people want to truly be in my life as friends rather than mere acquaintances?
They'll need to share the effort.
Originally posted at: http://raptureofthemoon.dreamwidth.org/8138.html. Comment here or comment there with OpenID.
I was thinking of it somewhat in relation to this informal group of friends/acquaintances we've been hanging out with, on Sunday mornings, at the coffee shop, for the last three or four years. We've seen them occasionally outside the coffee shop--had dinner a time or two, gone to a couple people's houses for get-togethers--so it's enough of an acquaintanceship to be considered friendship-lite....I suppose.
And I expect that a few of them will probably be upset that we haven't been back by the coffee shop to say goodbye before we move (next Friday/Saturday). Due in large part, of course, to the business of moving and the fact that Sunday is our day to sleep in, right now, since Saturday tends to be for errands and other things.
Anyway, at the thought of them possibly being upset, my mind immediately shot to: Well, you know where to find me. You have me on Facebook. You have my phone number. And you know, generally, where I live. If a goodbye is important enough that you'll be upset if it doesn't happen in person? You can contact me and we can arrange, even, a fifteen minute slot of time between my packing and cleaning.
I try to give people the benefit of the doubt...because, in adulthood? Life is busy. And once you're done with the daily grind (work, errands, cleaning, cooking, etc.) and finding time for yourself, then you try to find time for others. And it doesn't always work. I know that.
Still it takes two people to maintain some kind of relationship. Occasionally the balance is going to shift, making one person do a little more work...and that's o.k. That's fine; that's how relationships flow; it's not always a perfect 50-50. But when that balance is always shifted to one person? It gets a little old.
I suppose that's why I don't really attempt to make long lasting, one-on-one friendships...most of the time. (Which was always kind of hard to do, anyway, being a military brat and moving around so often. I cherish the friendships I've been able to keep, even if they're down to virtual interactions now due to distance.) Invariably, I seem to end up in the role of doing most of the heavy lifting. And I just don't have the will to do that anymore. I'll try--give it a good faith effort--but I don't keep trying; not like I used to. I can't do that to myself.
I suppose, I do and will take the acquaintanceship, as it comes...
But if people want to truly be in my life as friends rather than mere acquaintances?
They'll need to share the effort.
Originally posted at: http://raptureofthemoon.dreamwidth.org/8138.html. Comment here or comment there with OpenID.