an open question:

[sanguineaccord]

Prompted by my recent readings of Ayn Rand (Atlas Shrugged, Fountainhead. I promise I will address her more fully later) and my continuing existential crisis (its called life apparently), I have a question to pose you:

Upon what is one's self worth/esteem predicated?

I am very curious to hear your responses.

Comments

[heyadria]

Oooh.. This is a good question.

I think it all depends on the stage of your own personal emotional or spiritual growth. And of course how attuned you are, and the control you have over your own 'inner voice'.

For example, somebody who does not 'know themself' or are quite immature in terms of their spiritual growth may base their self worth, or esteem on their physical failings or strengths. Stuff like how you did on a test, how you performed in a race or competition, getting a boy/girlfriend, etc etc. I think this is because they may not feel in control of their inside and internal workings, so need to look outside for a validation of self.

For somebody, typically more experiened or developed in their growth it is something much more personal and internalised, which I believe has a lot to do with virtues we, as individuals would hold in high regard, and that we want to achieve or set out for ourselves.
For example, at the moment acting with integrity, honesty, strength, and compassion is very important to me. If in the day to day choices I have to make reflect positively in upholding and reinforcing those virtues then I feel good, and happy with myself, and have a much higher self worth then if I was to ignore that inner voice and act or make poor choices regarding myself and my values.

I think a key part is finding that 'inner voice', and nurturing it and listening to it so that you can set yourself up for the foundation of good self esteem or self worth.

Interesting question, I have lots more thinking I have to do on it, I reckon!

[kinky_kneazle]

Sorry sanguineaccord, I've hijacked your journal :P

I see your point, but I don't think it can be based on intelligence, or spirituality or emotional growth. I consider myself very spiritual, but if someone says I look fat in that skirt, my self-esteem will still take a hit.

In fact, I had the thought that perhaps high self-esteem is easier to manage if you're lacking in one or all of those things. You're less likely to be thinking about yourself deeply, so less likely to see flaws that may decrease your self-esteem.

Hmm... you're right about lots more thinking. I'll probably be bringing this up in every conversation for a while :)

[heyadria]

Hmm. I see what you're saying.

But if you are more developed and mature, then wouldn't those little things just not.. affect you so much? Like you can tell me I look fat in my skirt, and sure my feelings will get hurt for the moment, but overall it won't affect me too greatly, because in the bigger picture, I still have all my values, and vices and all the the things which I do base my self esteem on still hold true to my character.

[kinky_kneazle]

Maybe it comes down to a lot of things. As sanguineaccord says further down the thread, it depends on whether you have an internal or external locus of control. And maybe that is in built in some way. I find that despite my spirituality I still struggle with other's thoughts of me, though perhaps that has been less as I've worked on that side of myself.

I thought again today that people who are extraordinary in some way would struggle more. I've noticed that people like that put more pressure on themselves, so their expectations are harder to fulfill.

Also, I think I type in half-thoughts on LJ, so hopefully this makes some sense :)

[sanguineaccord]

So in essence: knowing oneself (or inner voice),knowing ones values and being true to them is the key to high self worth?
Cool :)

Is that too simplistic of me or is that a fair appraisal of your position?

[heyadria]

Umm.. Yeah, pretty much.

I can't believe you shrunk my whole entire wank down to one sentence.
Haha, that's pretty good :)