Is There A Silver Lining?
2009 has been a rough year so far. I've held off on making any emotional, depressed, "woe is me" posts, but I just need to say my piece so I can start the process of moving forward.
I've had a rough time with the "Holiday Season" since my grandmother passed away in 1994. Every year I tell myself that it's going to be better, that I'm going to enjoy myself, and that I'll find that missing piece. I've been getting better every year, although I'll admit that my progress has come in baby steps. I think this was one of the more enjoyable Holiday's I've had, and I'm happy to have had a nice ending to 2008.
January 17 - pen_drag0n's Grandpa Alexander passed away. We got a call from his sister letting us know of the passing, and subsequent calls in regards to the services, which were to be held on the 23rd. We determined that since I was finally going back to work on the 20th (after a lengthy medical leave), it wouldn't be fair for me to ask for time off to attend the funeral, which was a rough decision for both of us. Gabe packed up, and started the long drive to Colorado at 3:30 am on the morning of the 21st.
January 21 - I lost my job (my second day back to work). They laid me off so that they could hire a personal assistant for one of the upper management in New York. I had the distinct joy of dealing with the emotional "boot to the head" that came with the realization that if they had laid me off one day earlier, I would have been able to go to Colorado. And while I don't miss working for the company, I miss having a steady source of income, and benefits.
January 26 - My laptop crapped out on me, almost exactly one year to the day that it died on me in 2008. Thankfully it was under warranty, and thankfully we had a spare tower to get me through the "fixing period".
January ?? - Found out that my grandfathers wife, who was hospitalized with Cirrhosis of the Liver right before Christmas, is probably not going to make it through the summer. They are not willing to put her on a transplant list, as she is a known alcoholic. She has been sent home to live out what is left of her life surrounded by familiar comforts. This woman has done so many bad things to our family, and I don't know how to deal with this knowledge. I am saddened for the loss that her children are going to have to suffer, and for loss that my grandfather is going to have to suffer, this making the second wife he will have buried.
February 10 - I found out that our friend had to shut his business down due to the economy. We lost probably one of the best fish stores in So. Cal. because no one is buying tropical fish with the economic uncertainty. I tried to contact said friend, but have not heard anything back.
February 19 - I got a text message from my friends cell phone, telling me that said friend (Ben, AKA: Darkvine, AKA: aingidh_brath), who I've known longer than probably anyone not related to me, had passed away in his sleep on the 17th. Ben is the one who came up with my LJ username, concept, and original layout. Ben, who used to call and tell my mom that he was coming to California to finally marry me, even though we all knew he wasn't. Ben who was so much a part of me that we'd always have a way of knowing when the other was in need. I was unable to attend the services, as they were the 20th, and in South Carolina. I feel like a part of me is missing now that he's gone.
R.I.P. My Sweetest Friend
Benjamin Lee Klemm
Born: May 27, 1977 - Died: February 17, 2009
February 22 - My laptop, which I only had back for a few days, died on me again.
I'm having a hard time finding something positive to grasp. I know I am blessed in many ways, but every day has been a struggle to get out of bed, and to do the basic things that a healthy human being does. My Prozac is helping, and for that I'm thankful, because I know without it, I'd be in an even darker place.
I've had a rough time with the "Holiday Season" since my grandmother passed away in 1994. Every year I tell myself that it's going to be better, that I'm going to enjoy myself, and that I'll find that missing piece. I've been getting better every year, although I'll admit that my progress has come in baby steps. I think this was one of the more enjoyable Holiday's I've had, and I'm happy to have had a nice ending to 2008.
January 17 - pen_drag0n's Grandpa Alexander passed away. We got a call from his sister letting us know of the passing, and subsequent calls in regards to the services, which were to be held on the 23rd. We determined that since I was finally going back to work on the 20th (after a lengthy medical leave), it wouldn't be fair for me to ask for time off to attend the funeral, which was a rough decision for both of us. Gabe packed up, and started the long drive to Colorado at 3:30 am on the morning of the 21st.
January 21 - I lost my job (my second day back to work). They laid me off so that they could hire a personal assistant for one of the upper management in New York. I had the distinct joy of dealing with the emotional "boot to the head" that came with the realization that if they had laid me off one day earlier, I would have been able to go to Colorado. And while I don't miss working for the company, I miss having a steady source of income, and benefits.
January 26 - My laptop crapped out on me, almost exactly one year to the day that it died on me in 2008. Thankfully it was under warranty, and thankfully we had a spare tower to get me through the "fixing period".
January ?? - Found out that my grandfathers wife, who was hospitalized with Cirrhosis of the Liver right before Christmas, is probably not going to make it through the summer. They are not willing to put her on a transplant list, as she is a known alcoholic. She has been sent home to live out what is left of her life surrounded by familiar comforts. This woman has done so many bad things to our family, and I don't know how to deal with this knowledge. I am saddened for the loss that her children are going to have to suffer, and for loss that my grandfather is going to have to suffer, this making the second wife he will have buried.
February 10 - I found out that our friend had to shut his business down due to the economy. We lost probably one of the best fish stores in So. Cal. because no one is buying tropical fish with the economic uncertainty. I tried to contact said friend, but have not heard anything back.
February 19 - I got a text message from my friends cell phone, telling me that said friend (Ben, AKA: Darkvine, AKA: aingidh_brath), who I've known longer than probably anyone not related to me, had passed away in his sleep on the 17th. Ben is the one who came up with my LJ username, concept, and original layout. Ben, who used to call and tell my mom that he was coming to California to finally marry me, even though we all knew he wasn't. Ben who was so much a part of me that we'd always have a way of knowing when the other was in need. I was unable to attend the services, as they were the 20th, and in South Carolina. I feel like a part of me is missing now that he's gone.
R.I.P. My Sweetest Friend
Benjamin Lee Klemm
Born: May 27, 1977 - Died: February 17, 2009
February 22 - My laptop, which I only had back for a few days, died on me again.
I'm having a hard time finding something positive to grasp. I know I am blessed in many ways, but every day has been a struggle to get out of bed, and to do the basic things that a healthy human being does. My Prozac is helping, and for that I'm thankful, because I know without it, I'd be in an even darker place.