break downs are fun....
Ever get that paranoid feeling someone is out to get you in trouble?
Well bet that feelin isn't about your mother and sister...
So yesterday I confided in my mother that I am nervous about failing the one class I am in...as many that I have spoken to have heard me have freak outs about. Well I told my mom because, well she actually listens to me and lets me explain myself before freaking out, unlike my father. But I explain it to her and she agrees that I just need to stick it out, like I was going to, and try my best on the damned exam. Then I get off the phone with her and go home.
Well that night my father asks me "what the hell my mother wants?" I didn't have a clue, seeing as they are divorced and my father hates her with a damn passion...after that he yell at me about how fucked in the the head I am and tells me to go to the therapist...which I am today btw.
After all that I finally get some deserved rest...only to be woken up this morning at 9am, I didn't have to be up until like 9:30 for class, by my father yelling at me! No hello just bitching. He starts ranting and going "why the fuck is your mother calling me and texting me about if I know how you are doing in school?!" At this point my "fucked up mind" is computing things and then came to the conclusion of what my mother was doing. I stay calm and explain if I don't pass...I will be on academic probation, which I can handle, but he freaks and starts telling me I am so dead if I don't pass...once again thank you dad for not stressing me out more than what I am...I just say okay, can you tell this happens a lot by now?, then he tells me to call my mother and get her to leave him the hell alone.
So doing as Daddy says I call mom. Who feigns innocence, saying "I'm your mother, what I can't ask how you are doing in school?" and then bitches me out when I call her on it. Going "Well you should be doing what the fuck you're supposed to do! And get up and get your ass to class and everything!" First I have gone to class...I was up and 9am wasn't i?!, but I just sigh and tell her I have. Then she alerts me that my sister, who lives with us now mind you, told her last night, when she spent the night, that I haven't been...ever wanna wring someone's neck for lying? After all that I just say love you and bye.
At this point still only...9:15am? I am a little ball of emotions and start to have another break down...these become like a daily ritual now. This one involved me figuring out that I have no family I can truly speak to without a) getting bitched at and punished or b) where I can't trust them. In other words I am alone...it's like I have no family, which I was always taught it the most important thing, I have no where I can go to escape the stress...nothing. So I cried for about 20 minutes as I got ready for class...couldn't focus on the test I had today and more than likely failed.
I am so tired...emotionally and physically...I'm done.
Well bet that feelin isn't about your mother and sister...
So yesterday I confided in my mother that I am nervous about failing the one class I am in...as many that I have spoken to have heard me have freak outs about. Well I told my mom because, well she actually listens to me and lets me explain myself before freaking out, unlike my father. But I explain it to her and she agrees that I just need to stick it out, like I was going to, and try my best on the damned exam. Then I get off the phone with her and go home.
Well that night my father asks me "what the hell my mother wants?" I didn't have a clue, seeing as they are divorced and my father hates her with a damn passion...after that he yell at me about how fucked in the the head I am and tells me to go to the therapist...which I am today btw.
After all that I finally get some deserved rest...only to be woken up this morning at 9am, I didn't have to be up until like 9:30 for class, by my father yelling at me! No hello just bitching. He starts ranting and going "why the fuck is your mother calling me and texting me about if I know how you are doing in school?!" At this point my "fucked up mind" is computing things and then came to the conclusion of what my mother was doing. I stay calm and explain if I don't pass...I will be on academic probation, which I can handle, but he freaks and starts telling me I am so dead if I don't pass...once again thank you dad for not stressing me out more than what I am...I just say okay, can you tell this happens a lot by now?, then he tells me to call my mother and get her to leave him the hell alone.
So doing as Daddy says I call mom. Who feigns innocence, saying "I'm your mother, what I can't ask how you are doing in school?" and then bitches me out when I call her on it. Going "Well you should be doing what the fuck you're supposed to do! And get up and get your ass to class and everything!" First I have gone to class...I was up and 9am wasn't i?!, but I just sigh and tell her I have. Then she alerts me that my sister, who lives with us now mind you, told her last night, when she spent the night, that I haven't been...ever wanna wring someone's neck for lying? After all that I just say love you and bye.
At this point still only...9:15am? I am a little ball of emotions and start to have another break down...these become like a daily ritual now. This one involved me figuring out that I have no family I can truly speak to without a) getting bitched at and punished or b) where I can't trust them. In other words I am alone...it's like I have no family, which I was always taught it the most important thing, I have no where I can go to escape the stress...nothing. So I cried for about 20 minutes as I got ready for class...couldn't focus on the test I had today and more than likely failed.
I am so tired...emotionally and physically...I'm done.