...there's a real cool club on the other side of town / where the real cool kids go to sit around...
What defines a "cool kid"? Do they listen to top 40s, always wear expensive clothes from high-end stores, drive the awesome riced out cars, date the hot people, have more money than they know what to do with?
The initial response, of course, is yes!
But the initial response is wrong. But this is the ideal people who consider themselves to be "uncool" aspire to. They want to be perfect, because they believe somehow that being cool means being perfect and that their lives will be better if they are, in fact, cool.
The issue with this is that coolness is not defined by the material objects you possess. To be cool, it's not about what you have, it's about who you are. This distinction is important.
Let me be arrogant for a little bit: I'm one of the coolest people I know. You know how I know this?
I just DO.
Cool is an attitude and a belief. It doesn't mean you're perfect, and it doesn't mean you're happy all the time. It doesn't mean you have tons of money or material things.
It does, however, mean that you are someone other people enjoy hanging out with, that people "ring your cellie" because they think talking to you is a fun way to spend their time, that you have, at any given moment, at least a handful of people you can hit up for an evening out-- let's roll!
What makes me cool? Well, you'd probably get different opinions from different people, but I'm pretty sure it can be broken down into the following reasons...
Jesus (and Wil Wheaton!) says: Don't be a dick.
Unless, of course, like me, you're just good as being an asshole, and people like you anyway. :)
The initial response, of course, is yes!
But the initial response is wrong. But this is the ideal people who consider themselves to be "uncool" aspire to. They want to be perfect, because they believe somehow that being cool means being perfect and that their lives will be better if they are, in fact, cool.
The issue with this is that coolness is not defined by the material objects you possess. To be cool, it's not about what you have, it's about who you are. This distinction is important.
Let me be arrogant for a little bit: I'm one of the coolest people I know. You know how I know this?
I just DO.
Cool is an attitude and a belief. It doesn't mean you're perfect, and it doesn't mean you're happy all the time. It doesn't mean you have tons of money or material things.
It does, however, mean that you are someone other people enjoy hanging out with, that people "ring your cellie" because they think talking to you is a fun way to spend their time, that you have, at any given moment, at least a handful of people you can hit up for an evening out-- let's roll!
What makes me cool? Well, you'd probably get different opinions from different people, but I'm pretty sure it can be broken down into the following reasons...
- I don't make apologies for who I am. This means I'm not ashamed of my hobbies, my likes, or my dislikes. I don't deny the fact that I'm a roleplayer, or "worse", a LARPer. I'm okay with the fact that I sew, listen to big band and swing, and play video games-- in fact, I'm not just okay with it, but I'm proud of it. My hobbies may not be your hobbies, but I enjoy them, and I don't care if other people don't... I'm not altering my likes to fit someone else's idea of what I should be doing.
- I do, when it's necessary, make apologies for what I do. We all make mistakes. Being able to see them, own up to them, and apologize when it's the right thing to do. That doesn't mean I'm overly superfluous when I make my amends, generally, but I do try and make thigns right.
- I have an open mind when it comes to other people's beliefs and choices. So you don't have the same political or religious leanings that I do? That's fine with me, as long as you don't try and force it down my throat or the throats of the crew I'm with, we can hang. I'm "white", Christian, Libertarian, pro-choice, and bisexual. I have friends who are black, Korean, Japanese, hispanic, Filipino, "hapa", Atheist, Jewish, Buddhist, Agnostic, Pagan, Republican, Democrat, Green Party, pro-life, homophobic, and heterophobic. I don't care, because as long as everyone is respectful of each other's differences, it's all good.
- I don't tolerate friends being douchebags to each other. I have disagreements with people I like. There are lines I don't cross, and I call people when they cross them against people they call friends, too.
- I actually observe other people. Despite what it occasionally looks like, I'm quite observant, and I have a damned good grasp on when the person or persons I'm around are happy, depressed, having a good time, bored... even when they try to hide it. Especially when they try to hide it, with some of them. Even if I don't do it overtly, I will try and steer conversations and plans towards what will make the greatest number of people happy-- and that's easy to do if you're willing to pay attention to someone other than yourself for once.
- I have a sense of humor, and can laugh at myself as well as others. You'd be surprised how many people take everything in life too seriously-- especially themselves. Dude, life's short, make fun of it. :) Not only that, but life is also terminal: no one escapes it alive. Migth as well have a good time while you're here.
- I know that I'm not entitled to anything. You know how frustrating it is to go out with people who demand everything because they exist? Dude, I'm awesome, and I don't even deserve the world on a silver platter just because I breathe.
- I listen. Even when it seems I don't, people I'm around know I pay attention because I remember little things and bring them up or work them in later.
- I know when to not be an asshole. Let's face it, I'm mean. I will look you in the face and tell you, "yes, you DO look fat in that, baby Beluga". But there are times when I will curb my snark and sarcasm because it's simply not what a friend or acquaintance needs to hear. (I won't curb it if it's just something they don't want to hear, because sometimes, though the truth may hurt, it needs to be said.)
- Honesty is generally the best policy. I don't lie unless it's really the best thing to do. I might avoid the question, but telling bald-faced lies is something I think leads to more trouble down the line. And, no, I don't lie for friends, either. Most of my friends know better than to ask me to do so for them-- though some still don't get it. How does that make me cool? Well, people know they can rely on me to be honest, which means that they can trust me. And trust? In these days, that's worth more than gold and silver.
- Deny deny deny. Being ashamed of the things you do just makes you look like a two-faced pushover who is trying too hard.
- Believing you never do wrong. Trust me, everyone fucks up. You are no exception, and mitigating your screw ups lead to more respect than bulling your way through.
- Thinking that your way of thinking or being is the only way to be. We refer to this as being a bigoted asshole.
- Being a total tool to people you claim to be your friends. hey, we all have those days, but if you're consistantly lying and hurting your friends, you're not cool.
- Being completely self-centered. Only paying attention to yourself means that eventually only you will being paying attention to you.
- Getting pissed off anytime you are the butt of joke. Yeah, sometimes it's justified, but generally you disarm people from being tools if you can laugh along with them. People are assholes, don't join the crew.
- Entitlement Issues. You are not entitled to ANYTHING: money, power, free food, respect, sex, whatever... just because you draw air. Earn it like everyone else.
Jesus (and Wil Wheaton!) says: Don't be a dick.
Unless, of course, like me, you're just good as being an asshole, and people like you anyway. :)