Addressing only your response to me, since Val and I were saying very different things:
Believe me, if there's anything I understand it's depression, and I know you can't just wave a magic wand and say, "all this is in my head," and make it go away. But I still think it's worth pointing out that the kind of thinking described above really IS nothing but self-deception. Saying that won't fix it in and of itself, but it's definitely the first step.
I understood you were probably just trying to describe what goes on in your head and not necessarily condone it, but I couldn't just let it stand without saying anything about it.
The bit about pride simply describes WHY it's self deception. There's nothing that makes you so much more terrible than anyone else, any more than you're inherently any better than anyone else, so the monster you're afraid of becoming, and the pain you're afraid of causing, is an illusion. Besides, you know very well that pride is a flaw you need to work on, so perhaps looking at it from that perspective might help you to actually manage to do something about it.
Believe me, if there's anything I understand it's depression, and I know you can't just wave a magic wand and say, "all this is in my head," and make it go away. But I still think it's worth pointing out that the kind of thinking described above really IS nothing but self-deception. Saying that won't fix it in and of itself, but it's definitely the first step.
I understood you were probably just trying to describe what goes on in your head and not necessarily condone it, but I couldn't just let it stand without saying anything about it.
The bit about pride simply describes WHY it's self deception. There's nothing that makes you so much more terrible than anyone else, any more than you're inherently any better than anyone else, so the monster you're afraid of becoming, and the pain you're afraid of causing, is an illusion. Besides, you know very well that pride is a flaw you need to work on, so perhaps looking at it from that perspective might help you to actually manage to do something about it.
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