nisaki: need ch. 4
Title: need
Author: sango houshi
genre: angst
pairing: ni-ya/sakito
i am SOOOOOO sorry for not updating sooner. but i am a lazy wench and...actually thats no excuse. but whatever.
heres another update. please dont kill me...its kinda short and filled with more angst than before...sakito is a complicated person to write...
archive
Ch. 3
AN: has been edited!
Ch.4
Sakito’s mind was reeling.
He was still pressed up against the wall, wanting to mould his body to the plaster and glass behind him, not wanting to be seen by Ni-ya, and wanting to get away from Ruka’s all too knowing gaze. He was practically demanding that he ‘get over it’ and not kick Ni-ya out the band. Not that he would do such a thing, he would rather quit the band himself than put Ni-ya’s career in jeopardy. He saw Ni-ya about to turn and he felt his heart freeze in his chest. Thankfully Ruka got Ni-ya’s attention making the bassist turn back to him. His sigh of relief was almost audible and though he wanted to know what the other two were going to say he didn’t want to get caught. He sneaked away, dismissing the fact that he was the one to go looking for Ni-ya. He had gone looking for the raven with the intent to apologize. The hurt in Ni-ya’s eyes as he walked away made his heart constrict and he knew that Ni-ya would drink away his emotions. It wasn’t anything overly dramatic, but he was worried of what would happen afterwards. He had started getting into motorcycles after learning from Hitsugi and he now owned one. The thought of Ni-ya being in an accident in any kind of danger, made his stomach turn in the most horrible way. But to find him in the lobby talking to Ruka, saying that he loved Sakito, that he felt horrible for hurting him, but not regretting that he had bedded him…that was too much.
It was too soon and he wasn’t sure he could deal with that now.
He walked almost in a daze to the one person he knew could help him.
Thankfully the redhead was close by. Ridiculously so-it was a sitting room with an open entryway that led, of all places, dammit, to the lobby where Ni-ya and Ruka were, and it made Sakito too aware of their surroundings. Thankfully there was no one around but them, but his frayed nerves were making him anxious and he kept forgetting himself, so much so, that he didn’t even request that they take the following conversation into a more private area.
Hitsugi gazed questioningly at Sakito, his cell phone against his ear a smile plastered on his face. That smile made him smile too, a little bit of the worry and stress easing away, like a weight being slowly raised from his too thin shoulders.
“Oh, hey Sakito. One second.” Hitsugi said as he turned quickly away from Sakito, whispering in hushed tones to the person on the other line.
“Oh I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were on the phone. Who were you talking to?”
“Oh just Aki. But it’s ok I’ll talk to him later.”
“Oh. Sorry. I didn’t know.”
“That’s alright.” The redhead said shrugging it off. It was their daily call. They always put off a few minutes with each other every day or at least texted whenever their busy schedules allowed.
“What’s up?” the redhead asked when he saw Sakito fidgeting by the door way, eyes darting around nervously. He looked like he was going to blow any second now.
Almost. He walked over to him, his steps jittery, but he forced himself to sit down beside the redhead and try not to twitch.
“How do you know you’re in love with Aki?” he asked, trying the delay the inevitable, trying to buy time for himself before he exploded.
“Well-“ but Hitsugi didn’t get a chance to continue.
“I think I’m in love with Ni-ya.” Sakito blurted out suddenly, his face turning an alarming shade of red in a very short amount of time. He looked to Hitsugi, his eyes wide and fearful and he looked like he was about to fall from the edge of his seat, gripping the hand rest in a white knuckle grip.
“Are…are you serious?”
“No.” he said sardonically, “I’m having a mild breakdown for the hell of it.”
“No need to get all cranky on me. It was a legitimate question.”
Sakito sighed heavily.
“I don’t know what to do.” His head fell on his hands, his elbows resting on his knees.
“Well if you want you can tell me and maybe I can help.” He said patiently, knowing Sakito came to him to rant.
“I slept with Ni-ya.”
“Yea we all pretty much got that when I found you lying in bed with him. That was one of the most shocking moments of my life actually.” Again Sakito gave him a sardonic look before he rolled his eyes, head resting on his hands again.
“At first I couldn’t remember anything, but then I did. I was the one to go to him. I begged him to take me like some common whore and he did. Gods he did, Hitsugi. I still get chills every time I remember how he touched me, how he made me scream…and what’s worse is that I loved every minute of it.”
Hitsugi was getting redder just listening to it, knowing how hot and bothered Sakito must be getting remembering the details he still tried to suppress.
“But my liking it isn’t the worst part…he told me he loved me.”
Hitsugi’s eyes went wide. Holy shit this was serious. Epic and serious and it was going to pose a very serious problem with the band as a whole. He knew Sakito wasn’t one to believe in things like love and he was wary of how that was going to affect the guitarist and more importantly, Ni-ya. Ni-ya was the one who was laying everything on the line by saying those words to Sakito. But maybe…maybe there was another explanation.
“Maybe he just said it in the heat of the moment?” Hitsugi asked a bit hopefully because he knew that if Ni-ya meant what he said, he was going to be heartbroken by the unfairness of unrequited love.
“It wasn’t just a one-time thing. He told Ruka he loves me and that he would leave the band if I asked him to.”
Hitsugi was shocked. Beyond shocked. He was confused.
“Ni-ya? Our Ni-ya? Being self sacrificing? Wow….he really does love you.”
At this Sakito’s head flew up.
“What do you mean?”
“Well if he really loves you then he would do anything to see you happy, even if it means making himself miserable.”
“How…how did you know you were in love with Aki?” he asked instead of voicing the real questions that wanted to be free of his mouth.
At this Hitsugi blushed.
“I knew when he told me he loved me.” At Sakito’s questioning gaze he paused, frowning slightly, knowing that wasn’t the real reason. “Well it’s actually more complicated than that. It wasn’t like how we say ‘I love you’. He makes me laugh and smile and he makes my heart go ‘doki doki’.” He laughed slightly at his own joke. “But I love the things he does for me, what he says. He tells me I’m beautiful even though I know I’m not. And it’s not the same love I have for you guys.” At this he blushed harder, remembering what he’d done just one short week ago with all of them. “But with Aki it’s like there’s this pressure in my heart when I don’t see him for a while and hearing his voice makes me smile and reading a text, no matter how silly, makes me think ‘I love you’ even though I know he can’t hear me.” His voice became wistful; his eyes having a faraway look to them. “Just thinking about him has my heart pounding and I feel warm. And I know that he loves me not just because he tells me but because I can see that when he looks at me it’s like there’s no one else and when he’s with me the world melts away. It’s just us.” He blinked as though coming back to himself, a sheepish grin covering his flushing face. He knew he sounded cheesy and like a love crazed adolescent girl but he didn’t care. He loved Aki.
“So…um…does that answer your question?” he asked, clearing his throat slightly.
As though he was slowly playing over Hitsugi’s words, Sakito began to
blanch slightly. All those things…all those things he felt when he was with Ni-ya that he didn’t feel with anyone else. However, now that he had his answer, how was that going to help him make his decision? What exactly was he going to do now that he knew he was in love with Ni-ya?
“I…I don’t know.” He looked up with slightly watery eyes at Hitsugi. “I don’t know what to do, Hitsugi. I don’t want this. I don’t want to be in love with him. It complicates everything. We were fine as friends, why does it have to turn into something more?!” now he was angry. He didn’t want this. He didn’t want or need love.
Hitsugi was a delusional optimist in thinking that he was in love with Aki. Nothing lasts. Love is not exempt from that rule. That and love was like a disease. It made you weak the longer you had it. It was useless. Something for the naïve and delusional.
“No. I don’t love him. I can’t. I won’t!” Sakito all but screamed as he tore out of the room, leaving a stunned Hitsugi to stare after him.
“What the hell was that?” Yomi asked seeing the commotion Sakito’s outburst had on the staff. The tall man was never like this. Always reserved and quiet, he never lost control, but even Yomi heard him scream the denial so loudly he came running quickly from two rooms away.
“I…I’m not really sure…but I think we need to talk to Ni-ya and Sakito. Together.”
“Oooh! Like an intervention? I love that show!” Yomi said and before Hitsugi could tell him otherwise, the overly excited vocalist went
bounding down the hall to look for Ruka and Ni-ya.
Sakito needed a little bit of time, but knowing Yomi, he was going to make the guitarist man up and accept that he was in love and he had to move on and get over it.
Hitsugi shook his head following at a leisurely pace whipping his cell phone out and began texting his boyfriend.
‘My band mates are crazy. Sakito is in love and in denial.’
Author: sango houshi
genre: angst
pairing: ni-ya/sakito
i am SOOOOOO sorry for not updating sooner. but i am a lazy wench and...actually thats no excuse. but whatever.
heres another update. please dont kill me...its kinda short and filled with more angst than before...sakito is a complicated person to write...
archive
Ch. 3
AN: has been edited!
Ch.4
Sakito’s mind was reeling.
He was still pressed up against the wall, wanting to mould his body to the plaster and glass behind him, not wanting to be seen by Ni-ya, and wanting to get away from Ruka’s all too knowing gaze. He was practically demanding that he ‘get over it’ and not kick Ni-ya out the band. Not that he would do such a thing, he would rather quit the band himself than put Ni-ya’s career in jeopardy. He saw Ni-ya about to turn and he felt his heart freeze in his chest. Thankfully Ruka got Ni-ya’s attention making the bassist turn back to him. His sigh of relief was almost audible and though he wanted to know what the other two were going to say he didn’t want to get caught. He sneaked away, dismissing the fact that he was the one to go looking for Ni-ya. He had gone looking for the raven with the intent to apologize. The hurt in Ni-ya’s eyes as he walked away made his heart constrict and he knew that Ni-ya would drink away his emotions. It wasn’t anything overly dramatic, but he was worried of what would happen afterwards. He had started getting into motorcycles after learning from Hitsugi and he now owned one. The thought of Ni-ya being in an accident in any kind of danger, made his stomach turn in the most horrible way. But to find him in the lobby talking to Ruka, saying that he loved Sakito, that he felt horrible for hurting him, but not regretting that he had bedded him…that was too much.
It was too soon and he wasn’t sure he could deal with that now.
He walked almost in a daze to the one person he knew could help him.
Thankfully the redhead was close by. Ridiculously so-it was a sitting room with an open entryway that led, of all places, dammit, to the lobby where Ni-ya and Ruka were, and it made Sakito too aware of their surroundings. Thankfully there was no one around but them, but his frayed nerves were making him anxious and he kept forgetting himself, so much so, that he didn’t even request that they take the following conversation into a more private area.
Hitsugi gazed questioningly at Sakito, his cell phone against his ear a smile plastered on his face. That smile made him smile too, a little bit of the worry and stress easing away, like a weight being slowly raised from his too thin shoulders.
“Oh, hey Sakito. One second.” Hitsugi said as he turned quickly away from Sakito, whispering in hushed tones to the person on the other line.
“Oh I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were on the phone. Who were you talking to?”
“Oh just Aki. But it’s ok I’ll talk to him later.”
“Oh. Sorry. I didn’t know.”
“That’s alright.” The redhead said shrugging it off. It was their daily call. They always put off a few minutes with each other every day or at least texted whenever their busy schedules allowed.
“What’s up?” the redhead asked when he saw Sakito fidgeting by the door way, eyes darting around nervously. He looked like he was going to blow any second now.
Almost. He walked over to him, his steps jittery, but he forced himself to sit down beside the redhead and try not to twitch.
“How do you know you’re in love with Aki?” he asked, trying the delay the inevitable, trying to buy time for himself before he exploded.
“Well-“ but Hitsugi didn’t get a chance to continue.
“I think I’m in love with Ni-ya.” Sakito blurted out suddenly, his face turning an alarming shade of red in a very short amount of time. He looked to Hitsugi, his eyes wide and fearful and he looked like he was about to fall from the edge of his seat, gripping the hand rest in a white knuckle grip.
“Are…are you serious?”
“No.” he said sardonically, “I’m having a mild breakdown for the hell of it.”
“No need to get all cranky on me. It was a legitimate question.”
Sakito sighed heavily.
“I don’t know what to do.” His head fell on his hands, his elbows resting on his knees.
“Well if you want you can tell me and maybe I can help.” He said patiently, knowing Sakito came to him to rant.
“I slept with Ni-ya.”
“Yea we all pretty much got that when I found you lying in bed with him. That was one of the most shocking moments of my life actually.” Again Sakito gave him a sardonic look before he rolled his eyes, head resting on his hands again.
“At first I couldn’t remember anything, but then I did. I was the one to go to him. I begged him to take me like some common whore and he did. Gods he did, Hitsugi. I still get chills every time I remember how he touched me, how he made me scream…and what’s worse is that I loved every minute of it.”
Hitsugi was getting redder just listening to it, knowing how hot and bothered Sakito must be getting remembering the details he still tried to suppress.
“But my liking it isn’t the worst part…he told me he loved me.”
Hitsugi’s eyes went wide. Holy shit this was serious. Epic and serious and it was going to pose a very serious problem with the band as a whole. He knew Sakito wasn’t one to believe in things like love and he was wary of how that was going to affect the guitarist and more importantly, Ni-ya. Ni-ya was the one who was laying everything on the line by saying those words to Sakito. But maybe…maybe there was another explanation.
“Maybe he just said it in the heat of the moment?” Hitsugi asked a bit hopefully because he knew that if Ni-ya meant what he said, he was going to be heartbroken by the unfairness of unrequited love.
“It wasn’t just a one-time thing. He told Ruka he loves me and that he would leave the band if I asked him to.”
Hitsugi was shocked. Beyond shocked. He was confused.
“Ni-ya? Our Ni-ya? Being self sacrificing? Wow….he really does love you.”
At this Sakito’s head flew up.
“What do you mean?”
“Well if he really loves you then he would do anything to see you happy, even if it means making himself miserable.”
“How…how did you know you were in love with Aki?” he asked instead of voicing the real questions that wanted to be free of his mouth.
At this Hitsugi blushed.
“I knew when he told me he loved me.” At Sakito’s questioning gaze he paused, frowning slightly, knowing that wasn’t the real reason. “Well it’s actually more complicated than that. It wasn’t like how we say ‘I love you’. He makes me laugh and smile and he makes my heart go ‘doki doki’.” He laughed slightly at his own joke. “But I love the things he does for me, what he says. He tells me I’m beautiful even though I know I’m not. And it’s not the same love I have for you guys.” At this he blushed harder, remembering what he’d done just one short week ago with all of them. “But with Aki it’s like there’s this pressure in my heart when I don’t see him for a while and hearing his voice makes me smile and reading a text, no matter how silly, makes me think ‘I love you’ even though I know he can’t hear me.” His voice became wistful; his eyes having a faraway look to them. “Just thinking about him has my heart pounding and I feel warm. And I know that he loves me not just because he tells me but because I can see that when he looks at me it’s like there’s no one else and when he’s with me the world melts away. It’s just us.” He blinked as though coming back to himself, a sheepish grin covering his flushing face. He knew he sounded cheesy and like a love crazed adolescent girl but he didn’t care. He loved Aki.
“So…um…does that answer your question?” he asked, clearing his throat slightly.
As though he was slowly playing over Hitsugi’s words, Sakito began to
blanch slightly. All those things…all those things he felt when he was with Ni-ya that he didn’t feel with anyone else. However, now that he had his answer, how was that going to help him make his decision? What exactly was he going to do now that he knew he was in love with Ni-ya?
“I…I don’t know.” He looked up with slightly watery eyes at Hitsugi. “I don’t know what to do, Hitsugi. I don’t want this. I don’t want to be in love with him. It complicates everything. We were fine as friends, why does it have to turn into something more?!” now he was angry. He didn’t want this. He didn’t want or need love.
Hitsugi was a delusional optimist in thinking that he was in love with Aki. Nothing lasts. Love is not exempt from that rule. That and love was like a disease. It made you weak the longer you had it. It was useless. Something for the naïve and delusional.
“No. I don’t love him. I can’t. I won’t!” Sakito all but screamed as he tore out of the room, leaving a stunned Hitsugi to stare after him.
“What the hell was that?” Yomi asked seeing the commotion Sakito’s outburst had on the staff. The tall man was never like this. Always reserved and quiet, he never lost control, but even Yomi heard him scream the denial so loudly he came running quickly from two rooms away.
“I…I’m not really sure…but I think we need to talk to Ni-ya and Sakito. Together.”
“Oooh! Like an intervention? I love that show!” Yomi said and before Hitsugi could tell him otherwise, the overly excited vocalist went
bounding down the hall to look for Ruka and Ni-ya.
Sakito needed a little bit of time, but knowing Yomi, he was going to make the guitarist man up and accept that he was in love and he had to move on and get over it.
Hitsugi shook his head following at a leisurely pace whipping his cell phone out and began texting his boyfriend.
‘My band mates are crazy. Sakito is in love and in denial.’