Time Held me Green and Dying

[sanginmychains]

I'm about ready to admit that I've lost my ability to produce any creative writing whatsoever. The tiny bursts of writing, which come when available time and available brain align, have been getting smaller and farther between, and now I can hardly even muster the ability to remember my overall plans much less motivate myself to work on them.

Comments

[paragraphs]

I may be a minority re: your flisters in that I *have* gone through this, having two kids myself, and so can relate in some ways. (I wasn't writing yet when I had my kids, but I started writing when my youngest was...let's see...four?) But that was long ago for me, and far different times than now. There are pressures you face that I did not back then.

I *have* though, lived through dealing with a major life event and realizing *that* had stolen my ability to write. In no way the same as preparing for and having a baby, nonetheless, similar in that I had to--HAD to--give up who I was and what I loved to care for someone else. I know that stripped-away feeling, the fear, the grasping blindly for a way to stop it when it can't be stopped--must not be stopped. I was angry for a long time at the spouse for all that his illness (and he, another kettle of fish, that) made me give up, and then dealt with the guilt of that anger on top of that... after all, *I* wasn't the one dying. How dare I be so selifish!

It's taken while--several years--for me to come back to this writerly place and realize I could still do this. I really thought I would never be able to write again, even after I finally let the past go, embraced myself, embraced my relationship with Nick. (Got happy, in other words.)

But...it did not leave me for good, that love of writing, the ability to write stories, etc., after all. It had to go dormant because other parts of me were needed, but it stuck around despite everything. Despite me.

As far as your choices in life--to be a mom and wife right now--from all I can see, you're doing a smashing job. AND, you are running a creative business, which is nothing to sneeze at, not by a long shot. You've also helped a few writers learn and improve their writing (me included!) and that is also a remarkable thing not everyone can claim the ability to do.

So, yes, you're tired, about to have another baby, and are running a business, caring for your daughter, and your husband too...this will all even out in time, and the writing will be waiting. Don't let it tear you apart (like I did) that you can't do it right now. It is okay to set it aside, and not fret over it anymore. It'll be waiting, really, for whenever--and if--you decide to try your hand at it again.

In the meantime, blog away should you so be moved to do so. That's what its there for, and methinks your flisters, even if they can't relate, will still enjoy because heck, it is YOU.

[sanginmychains]

Thanks for this. It does help hearing it from someone who fought letting it go and got it back again -- I try to keep reminding myself that it does come back.