Dear Diary
So, just to log my situation.
I moved to America in 2020 to live with the gal I had fallen for. A huge part of me didn't want to/was afraid to (not sure which). When she first invited me to move, I was like "I can't leave my kids". But then my kids said to go if it meant finding love and happiness. So then I was like "But I don't know what I'd do for a living", and she said that it would be better if I didn't work, so I could travel with her as she has interests in several states.
Better to regret the things you try than regret never trying, or so it seemed.
As a precursor to moving, my best friend of 14 years, Jen, and I fell out spectacularly, and are no longer friends at all. It was emotionally devastating for me, and sent me into a 2 year long depression, which persists still. (I do feel like I'm starting to turn a corner, but had an emotional collapse a week or so ago).
So, emotionally crippled, I moved, and had to try my damnedest to rise above what I was going through.
At first, it was a very steep learning curve, and tons of responsibilities I was unused to. Her 29 year old Adult Disabled brain injured son, was very challenging, to say the least.
Her family lived in a different state to us, in St. Louis MO. Meeting them the first time went great, and I was extremely pleased they all welcomed me cos they could all see how happy she was. Her father in particular, was very gracious.
So, for the first year and a half, things were mostly groovy, lots of new things to do and get used to. I lived wealth adjacent, and considering the state of the fortune she sits on, we lived restrained but comfortably, with a lot of travel - by road, cos of covid.
Then in early 2022, my mom's health took a turn for the worst. I came back for a month, but my gal was not happy it was taking me away from her, even though she was out here half the time with me.
Not to get too into it, but she was diabolically abusive to me regarding my dying mom, all the while trying to get between mom and me, as well as get between me and my sister, and me and my daughter. There were multiple, egregious instances of gaslighting, and the final straw was telling me she wanting to kill herself cos I was making her so unhappy.
Not merely a red flag. But damn. Has a very familiar ring to it.
So, I broke up with her and took all my stuff on the same day. I drove out to California, where I am looking after my mom in her twilight months. Had it not been for this intervention, Mom probably would have perished by now.
If mom was not in need of care, I'd be back in the UK by now. That's where I intend to go once mom has passed, and I'm in no hurry for mom to die. Though my own life is on hold as long as I remain stateside.
I'm not inheriting. Long story.
But, as long as I can get back to Britain, I'll make it work.
I was away in Britain for 31 years. I mostly didn't feel bad for being gone. But I missed mom a lot. I'm glad to be able to be here for mom now. I promised her years ago that I would do this if the need arose. I hope my own kids love me this much. Perhaps this example will help make it so.
I moved to America in 2020 to live with the gal I had fallen for. A huge part of me didn't want to/was afraid to (not sure which). When she first invited me to move, I was like "I can't leave my kids". But then my kids said to go if it meant finding love and happiness. So then I was like "But I don't know what I'd do for a living", and she said that it would be better if I didn't work, so I could travel with her as she has interests in several states.
Better to regret the things you try than regret never trying, or so it seemed.
As a precursor to moving, my best friend of 14 years, Jen, and I fell out spectacularly, and are no longer friends at all. It was emotionally devastating for me, and sent me into a 2 year long depression, which persists still. (I do feel like I'm starting to turn a corner, but had an emotional collapse a week or so ago).
So, emotionally crippled, I moved, and had to try my damnedest to rise above what I was going through.
At first, it was a very steep learning curve, and tons of responsibilities I was unused to. Her 29 year old Adult Disabled brain injured son, was very challenging, to say the least.
Her family lived in a different state to us, in St. Louis MO. Meeting them the first time went great, and I was extremely pleased they all welcomed me cos they could all see how happy she was. Her father in particular, was very gracious.
So, for the first year and a half, things were mostly groovy, lots of new things to do and get used to. I lived wealth adjacent, and considering the state of the fortune she sits on, we lived restrained but comfortably, with a lot of travel - by road, cos of covid.
Then in early 2022, my mom's health took a turn for the worst. I came back for a month, but my gal was not happy it was taking me away from her, even though she was out here half the time with me.
Not to get too into it, but she was diabolically abusive to me regarding my dying mom, all the while trying to get between mom and me, as well as get between me and my sister, and me and my daughter. There were multiple, egregious instances of gaslighting, and the final straw was telling me she wanting to kill herself cos I was making her so unhappy.
Not merely a red flag. But damn. Has a very familiar ring to it.
So, I broke up with her and took all my stuff on the same day. I drove out to California, where I am looking after my mom in her twilight months. Had it not been for this intervention, Mom probably would have perished by now.
If mom was not in need of care, I'd be back in the UK by now. That's where I intend to go once mom has passed, and I'm in no hurry for mom to die. Though my own life is on hold as long as I remain stateside.
I'm not inheriting. Long story.
But, as long as I can get back to Britain, I'll make it work.
I was away in Britain for 31 years. I mostly didn't feel bad for being gone. But I missed mom a lot. I'm glad to be able to be here for mom now. I promised her years ago that I would do this if the need arose. I hope my own kids love me this much. Perhaps this example will help make it so.