“Ah, summer - what power you have to make us suffer and like it”
So... its been a while. Where to begin, because it seems like as soon as the school year ended a switch was flipped or turned... maybe wiggled a bit to much and fallen out with the power still on... and then when some industrious fool went to fiddle with the wires revealed where the switch had been he just turned the power up... created a surge, and eventually everything will burst and sizzle out. I know it will. It's bound to happen, but right now I'm in the middle of the ride, the part before the final explosion and then the darkness...
Yes, a tad melodramatic I know, but as I said, alot has happened. To start with the mundane, I got my grades, A-,B+,B,B- not great, but a damn step up from where I was 6 months ago. Hell a step better than what I've done since freshman year.
I've had friends say some of the most hurtful things they have ever said to me. It was so cruel it left me speechless, and I had nothing I could do but laugh. There is absolutely nothing to do about it. No one else thought anything of it. But it was said... and it can never be taken back. Nor will the persons involved ever try, because they have no clue. Hoorah for stuborn pride!
I've had friends be at their greatest. Poker, movies, chattin, video games. Just this last weekend I had basicly what I now consider to be my 21st birthday party. It was good fun. Drink was had, video games and poker was played, went out to a great dinner earlier in the evening. It was good. Sleep was attempted at 5am... I brought blankets down to the floor, we decided to watch Spirited Away. It was silent... until about 6 when we gave up. It was good times.
I've had my worst college class yet. 9am-1pm Tuesdays and Thursdays. The teacher is fairly interesting, the subject matter even is. But the final he expects. I don't even know where to begin... he wants everything memorized, every name, every date, every title, every term... but he won't even give a list of the terms, we have to pick them out ourselves as we read...
I've watched more DVDs then I have in a long time. Most of them weren't actual movies. The newest season of Scrubs came out. It was great. I borrowed the rest. I've seen the first two seasons of House. The formula never changes, some people don't like that, I do. It's Houses sarcastic, entertaining personality I watch it for, and nothing else, oh yeah, and the hot doctor. I've watched the first 3 and a half seasons of Lost. That half a season is thanks to a DVD set purchased in Cambodia of all places... luckily the show was in English... heh. I watched Avatar the Last Air Bender. A Nickelodian show, trying to capitalize on anime, it succeeds. The characters are entertaining, the art style engaging, the one liners clever, the soundeffects hilarious, and the animals cute. It doesn't need anything else, they have a winner on their hands, and know it. And finally, just this evening, I watched all of and finishe the first season of Slings & Arrows, one of the few good things to come out of Canada. It is one of those shows that I couldn't stop watching, and luckily the season is only 6 episodes long so it was do-able. For me I was a little confused after the first episode. I didn't know what to think, and wasn't all too terribly certain that I even enjoyed the program... but as soon as the second episode started everything just clicked... I loved it. It almost played out like a movie in my mind, and now I feel I must get the next season somewhere, because I just can't even imagine how it could continue on.
I'm still jobless... This means alot of things. My parents aren't terribly happy... I can deal with that... I've delt with them not being terribly happy for years. It means the trips I've been planning for the summer have no funds which to make them happen. And finally... and really most importantly... it means that my savings are slowly being chipped away... I know this is what they are for... something to fall back on if neccessary, like it is now, because I refuse to tell my parents that they amount of money they give me, a far to large amount already, isn't enough. I need a job, and its seeming more and more likely that working at Kittredge, the daycare, since I was 15 really and truely has left me unemployable... That is what it is looking like...
It is now the second day in the last couple of them that I've been awake for the suns rising. This time I was ready for it. I've been writing this on and off all evening long. I just got back inside from doing something I've discused since moving in. There is a roof right across from my room. It is a roof which covers a car port. There is a little hand rail on the wall across from my room, going up with the steps that lead to the house no one has lived in for 9 months. Everyone who has noticed the roof has also noted that the rail is in the perfect position for climbing onto the roof. About an hour ago I went up there while it was still dark. I didn't attempt to look for stars... that always just depresses me... I gave that up years ago. I just thought and waited, cars drove by, a few even came from the carport I was sitting on... but my mind just wandered. And I waited... not for the sun. I doubt its truely risen even yet, I just wanted to see the colors on the sky. To see the sky slowly brighten. To change from the fake darkness you find at night in a big city to the light of day. I've now watched it. And I'm happy. Happy to have listened to the birds, and watched the sky, just by myself.
It's summer. A time that seems to be good for couples. Certain friends are again pressuring me. Telling me I need to find a girl, that it doesn't matter who, or how, and some even have the gall to add, or how sober she is. It's starting to get to me, my grandparents have started to ask me when noones around about grandchildren. It's a scary thought... I think I'd like to date someone first. Heh.
As you might be able to tell I'm in one of my weird contemplative moods. It feels good to write, even when I'm dead tierd. I need to sleep but I want to write... I want to write, but I need to sleep. The sun has risen now, I just looked out my window, the colors are much more pronounced than they were at first... I should close my blinds or I will never be able to get to sleep. I can tell it will be neccessary soon by how much I'm harping on it. But this was needed. It's almost a clensing of sorts. I don't expect my life to burn out anytime soon. I think that the crazyness is really just beginning. I hope that continues to be basically a good thing. Because I'd much rather my life continue on like this than the dull, seemingly forgotten way it does at times... Goodnight everybody, I'll see yah when I sees yah.
~Live in interesting times
Yes, a tad melodramatic I know, but as I said, alot has happened. To start with the mundane, I got my grades, A-,B+,B,B- not great, but a damn step up from where I was 6 months ago. Hell a step better than what I've done since freshman year.
I've had friends say some of the most hurtful things they have ever said to me. It was so cruel it left me speechless, and I had nothing I could do but laugh. There is absolutely nothing to do about it. No one else thought anything of it. But it was said... and it can never be taken back. Nor will the persons involved ever try, because they have no clue. Hoorah for stuborn pride!
I've had friends be at their greatest. Poker, movies, chattin, video games. Just this last weekend I had basicly what I now consider to be my 21st birthday party. It was good fun. Drink was had, video games and poker was played, went out to a great dinner earlier in the evening. It was good. Sleep was attempted at 5am... I brought blankets down to the floor, we decided to watch Spirited Away. It was silent... until about 6 when we gave up. It was good times.
I've had my worst college class yet. 9am-1pm Tuesdays and Thursdays. The teacher is fairly interesting, the subject matter even is. But the final he expects. I don't even know where to begin... he wants everything memorized, every name, every date, every title, every term... but he won't even give a list of the terms, we have to pick them out ourselves as we read...
I've watched more DVDs then I have in a long time. Most of them weren't actual movies. The newest season of Scrubs came out. It was great. I borrowed the rest. I've seen the first two seasons of House. The formula never changes, some people don't like that, I do. It's Houses sarcastic, entertaining personality I watch it for, and nothing else, oh yeah, and the hot doctor. I've watched the first 3 and a half seasons of Lost. That half a season is thanks to a DVD set purchased in Cambodia of all places... luckily the show was in English... heh. I watched Avatar the Last Air Bender. A Nickelodian show, trying to capitalize on anime, it succeeds. The characters are entertaining, the art style engaging, the one liners clever, the soundeffects hilarious, and the animals cute. It doesn't need anything else, they have a winner on their hands, and know it. And finally, just this evening, I watched all of and finishe the first season of Slings & Arrows, one of the few good things to come out of Canada. It is one of those shows that I couldn't stop watching, and luckily the season is only 6 episodes long so it was do-able. For me I was a little confused after the first episode. I didn't know what to think, and wasn't all too terribly certain that I even enjoyed the program... but as soon as the second episode started everything just clicked... I loved it. It almost played out like a movie in my mind, and now I feel I must get the next season somewhere, because I just can't even imagine how it could continue on.
I'm still jobless... This means alot of things. My parents aren't terribly happy... I can deal with that... I've delt with them not being terribly happy for years. It means the trips I've been planning for the summer have no funds which to make them happen. And finally... and really most importantly... it means that my savings are slowly being chipped away... I know this is what they are for... something to fall back on if neccessary, like it is now, because I refuse to tell my parents that they amount of money they give me, a far to large amount already, isn't enough. I need a job, and its seeming more and more likely that working at Kittredge, the daycare, since I was 15 really and truely has left me unemployable... That is what it is looking like...
It is now the second day in the last couple of them that I've been awake for the suns rising. This time I was ready for it. I've been writing this on and off all evening long. I just got back inside from doing something I've discused since moving in. There is a roof right across from my room. It is a roof which covers a car port. There is a little hand rail on the wall across from my room, going up with the steps that lead to the house no one has lived in for 9 months. Everyone who has noticed the roof has also noted that the rail is in the perfect position for climbing onto the roof. About an hour ago I went up there while it was still dark. I didn't attempt to look for stars... that always just depresses me... I gave that up years ago. I just thought and waited, cars drove by, a few even came from the carport I was sitting on... but my mind just wandered. And I waited... not for the sun. I doubt its truely risen even yet, I just wanted to see the colors on the sky. To see the sky slowly brighten. To change from the fake darkness you find at night in a big city to the light of day. I've now watched it. And I'm happy. Happy to have listened to the birds, and watched the sky, just by myself.
It's summer. A time that seems to be good for couples. Certain friends are again pressuring me. Telling me I need to find a girl, that it doesn't matter who, or how, and some even have the gall to add, or how sober she is. It's starting to get to me, my grandparents have started to ask me when noones around about grandchildren. It's a scary thought... I think I'd like to date someone first. Heh.
As you might be able to tell I'm in one of my weird contemplative moods. It feels good to write, even when I'm dead tierd. I need to sleep but I want to write... I want to write, but I need to sleep. The sun has risen now, I just looked out my window, the colors are much more pronounced than they were at first... I should close my blinds or I will never be able to get to sleep. I can tell it will be neccessary soon by how much I'm harping on it. But this was needed. It's almost a clensing of sorts. I don't expect my life to burn out anytime soon. I think that the crazyness is really just beginning. I hope that continues to be basically a good thing. Because I'd much rather my life continue on like this than the dull, seemingly forgotten way it does at times... Goodnight everybody, I'll see yah when I sees yah.
~Live in interesting times