titles are for lame people
my life is going pretty well and things seem stable as far as my finances are concerned. Procrastination is still a large monkey on my back of which I am waging a long term war with. Only the casualties are not measured in lives taken, instead it is defined by opportunities lost and eventually screwing me over. Otherwise known as the graveyard of regrets. I could've done things differently, things wouldn't be so hard if..., and if only I would of..., seem to mark the tombstones of these closed windows. But I only really think about that when I feel like stuck or frustrated. Ok, I get it he knows why he thinks that way, why doesn't he change it? Why do people fall in love with abusive alcoholics or why do people bite their nails even if they're crusted with dirt. People are stupid and yes I too fall under this category. It would be foolish and vain of me to claim otherwise. The thing is my procrastination doesn't halt at doing my laundry "later" or paying my bills "when I get the money". It has transcended into my direct community my relationships and how I handle/ engage in them. Making the simple act of being comfortable around a new person I like. And by that I mean being someone more than a smiling and giggling fool. I'm not saying I want to have an Opera session and talk about the spiritual nature of the earth and counter balancing the energy of negative to positive chi. I just want to tell someone that I'm tired. And that I want to just lay my head somewhere and know that I'm in good company, company that I trust, company that jokes about whatever and is open to whatever. I don't think this makes sense, maybe thats because I don't know what I want. Guess I will figure it out "later".