Call it the box of insecurities
When I met you, I thought you were always interested with me. I thought you really were the type to always notice things about me, always want to spend time with me, always talkative only with me. Because of situation, I never really saw the reality til recently - everything I thought you were, isn't only for me. You are like that to everyone in the world... And I'm just one of them.
Worst is, reality now twisted around - just because you talk to me everyday, you have no interest in me anymore from what I wear, what I do, not even in trying to get to know more of me.. But meeting a random old friend or good friends, you're always always interested in them, asking endless questions, always wanting to know more. From wanting to spend every moment, every experience together - now I have to invite myself to your life. As much as possible you want every experience away from me. From being the most talkative and nonstop talking with me before and even falling asleep on FaceTime together, we've gone to pure silence and your lists just to have something to say to me. And yet when you're in the middle of the crowd, you keep talking, you keep sharing random stories & trivia I've never heard before and even giving lectures wherein no one else speaks but you..
And right there and then I realized, to unleash the boy I fell for, I need to bring in a whole crowd for him just to keep talking that same way again. Or get a whole bottle to make him drink just to be chattery, hyper and all happy and lit up again. Or maybe, the boy he once was with me, will never be back again with me alone. And all these are just simply summed up as "insecurities" but never really understood..
What if he really never is coming back to the boy I once fell for?