Not Good Enough
Watching how my dad scrutinize and rigorously correct my brother's driving today has driven me back to how it felt like for me before when I was learning to drive - even if I've been driving since the end of my 1st year college, my driving was still being mocked even on the day of my graduation - and believe it or not, once in awhile til now I still get a dose of it (considering I'm already working). From this time-traveling on emotions, the "not good enough" feeling resurfaces and this has always been there ever since I was a kid - I guess when you're old and working already, you just choose not to think about yourself this way or conquer it in pushing yourself to new challenges. It has always been there, and looking back, it suddenly hits me: only the closest, most important relationships can make you feel "not good enough". Or slash that to this -- the most important people in your world will always make you feel "not good enough" at some point.
Ain't it ironic, you ask. These people, are supposed to be your comfort, the ones who make you feel better and should understand your weaknesses. But why do we always feel this with them? In every sermon of your father after drunk nights; in every word of disappointment that endlessly rings in your head every time you get low grades; in every emotional fight your girlfriend speaks up for when requesting for "the littlest nonsensical things"; in the harsh criticisms of your own bestest friends when life's dramas unfolds and you're being unreasonable -- all these, truly at some point, will make you feel "not good enough" - not just for your world, for others, but more importantly, for yourself as well. But as I examine how my dad has been trying to discipline his only male successor, my heart melted over in realising that in the worst feelings we have, in feeling that we are never enough, our world actually is trying to make us realize that we are MORE than enough, because they believe that we have MORE to give - and we are actually capable of more. And in the downest moments of us feeling so little, the closest people we have are actually telling us somehow, that we are meant to be so much more. That in these downiest times, they have all our faith in us.
Now isn't that beautiful? So as the world tears us down, attempts to bring us back to the lowliest feelings, let's just keep that in mind. Maybe not everyone will have faith in us the same way as the ones who'll always be by your side - but either way, we're always meant for so much more. Besides, no man can say what is enough and what one deserves - only God can. And He made you in this world, hence you deserve everything -- and more.
Ain't it ironic, you ask. These people, are supposed to be your comfort, the ones who make you feel better and should understand your weaknesses. But why do we always feel this with them? In every sermon of your father after drunk nights; in every word of disappointment that endlessly rings in your head every time you get low grades; in every emotional fight your girlfriend speaks up for when requesting for "the littlest nonsensical things"; in the harsh criticisms of your own bestest friends when life's dramas unfolds and you're being unreasonable -- all these, truly at some point, will make you feel "not good enough" - not just for your world, for others, but more importantly, for yourself as well. But as I examine how my dad has been trying to discipline his only male successor, my heart melted over in realising that in the worst feelings we have, in feeling that we are never enough, our world actually is trying to make us realize that we are MORE than enough, because they believe that we have MORE to give - and we are actually capable of more. And in the downest moments of us feeling so little, the closest people we have are actually telling us somehow, that we are meant to be so much more. That in these downiest times, they have all our faith in us.
Now isn't that beautiful? So as the world tears us down, attempts to bring us back to the lowliest feelings, let's just keep that in mind. Maybe not everyone will have faith in us the same way as the ones who'll always be by your side - but either way, we're always meant for so much more. Besides, no man can say what is enough and what one deserves - only God can. And He made you in this world, hence you deserve everything -- and more.