One Small Step, Ch. 5/6, [R], RPS, AU, Jensen/Jared

[sandymg]

It’s the fastest week in history. Jared has a hundred small things to finalize and logistics to plan. Guests start flying in Friday and he’s arranging airport pickups to drive folks to the hotel. He finalizes the menu and provides the caterer all the special requests. He plans a surprise for Jensen for the rehearsal dinner Saturday night and hopes his friend appreciates it.

Sandy is a blur of activity. She shepherds both grooms for their final tuxedo fittings. Jared doesn’t understand why they don’t go together but Sandy says it’s impossible to get their schedules to match. Jared listens to this silently. She’s asked more than once about what happened at Jared’s house on Saturday night. He’d told her about Jensen’s visit but not about their kiss.

Truth is, Jared is feeling guilty about that. Jensen isn’t his to kiss. You don’t kiss someone who is engaged to marry someone else. He feels ashamed of his actions even if Jensen initiated it. He doesn’t think the excuse of surprise and holy shit first kiss is good enough. The fact that he’s in love with Jensen comes a little closer to assuaging the guilt. But not all the way. Love doesn’t give you the right to do the wrong thing. Far from it. Love is supposed to fill your soul in a good way.

“Jare, you seem a million miles away.”

Jared looks down at Sandy. “Sorry. I was … What did you ask?”

“You’re thinking about Jensen?”

Jared nods.

Sandy’s smile is small and nontranslatable. “It was wrong of him to ask you to be there.”

That much he had told his best friend. “I like supervising my work, so it’s okay.”

“Does he know you love him?”

Jared looks at Sandy. Wonders if he was supposed to have kept this truth to himself. He just doesn’t know how to lie. It tastes sour and makes his insides feel queer. “I told him. Do you think I shouldn’t have?”

“I think you had no choice. I think you are worth one hundred Tom Wellings. I think Jensen is making the biggest mistake of his life. I think it stinks.”

Now Jared can’t agree any longer. “Tom is a great writer. His book changed the lives of thousands of men. Heck, even my own. Jensen is a phenomenal book editor. They belong in each other’s worlds. I could never-“

“You’re this bright light that turns shadows into rainbows. That sadness Jensen carries around all the time. The one he thinks people don’t see behind that cool façade. When he’s with you … it lifts. His smile gets real.” Frustration makes her slam the folder she’d been holding down on her desk. “Dammit. I thought … Jared, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought you two together the way I did. I knew you’d be good together. I just didn’t realize Jensen was too screwed up to do anything about it.”

“That was your plan all along? That Jensen would give up Tom for me?” Even as he says these absolutely ridiculous words he can’t bring himself to be angry at Sandy. She cares for Jared. She tried when someone else would have laughed at the idea. Just the notion truly is ludicrous.

“I knew he wasn’t in love with Tom. I just didn’t know that wouldn’t matter.” Sandy sounds defeated.

He looks at her glazed brown eyes. “How can Jensen fight so hard to legalize something he doesn’t even understand?”

She squeezes his arm. “I think it has to do with Jensen’s past. He never talks about it.”

Jared wonders how much he should share. What Jensen divulged was just between them. But he can’t lie. “I know … that things didn’t go that well when he came out.”

“I guessed something like that. When I asked about his father he said his father and he weren’t speaking. That’s so sad. I think that losing his father … well, he has some abandonment issues. I’m just saying this so you understand, Jare, that it’s not you. You’re wonderful.”

She believes this, he realizes with a start. Believes that someone like Jensen would really fall for someone like him. He’s not naive. He’s heard what people say about him. He knows he’s weird. Comes across as detached and that he bores people with his obsessions and drives the rest nuts with his habits. He doesn’t think Jensen should marry Tom. But that’s not because he believes Jensen should be with him. It’s just that no one should marry someone he didn’t love. Or worse. Someone who didn’t love him. But that thought makes Jared’s tummy hurt, so he bats it away.

Sandy leaves him alone then to return to his task list and methodically tick off everything that he’s accomplished. He refuses to think that each check mark is tearing out another little bit of his heart.



Not unexpectedly, Jensen doesn’t see Tom for the rest of the week. His activities navigate around Tom instead, like they are on parallel roads. On Friday afternoon Jensen goes with Sandy to his last tuxedo fitting. He’s aware that Tom went early that morning. A part of him knows he could have rearranged his schedule, changed some meetings around and gone with Sandy and Tom in the morning instead. But then again, so could Tom. He thinks now that it’s better not to see him before the wedding events. Lately, he’s been as snappy as a turtle around Tom. The shell he usually can hide behind is being poked by a stick until he can do nothing but snap out repeatedly.

Sandy told him she arranged for them to go to Puerto Rico after the wedding. Some really nice resort, room right on the beach. Privacy. He wishes he could go alone on this vacation and realizes how bizarre that notion is. His phone interrupts his ever blackening thoughts.

“Jensen?”

“Hi, Mom.” The tailor stepped away for a last second fix and will return any minute. Even though he’s alone in the fitting room he feels a little foolish standing there in his dress shirt and jacket but no pants.

“Hi honey. I’m in the cab with that lovely young man you sent to get me.”

“Huh?” He knew that transportation had been arranged. For a crazy second he wonders if Tom has gone to the airport. Tom had met Jensen’s mother once or twice before.

She interrupts quickly. “Jared. Such a sweetheart. He says you and he have been spending some time together. That’s wonderful honey, you need a friend. It’s not good to always work all the time like you do.”

Jared is with his mother? When did that happen? “I don’t understand.”

“Don’t understand what?”

“I thought Jared said he was arranging for a car service to pick up folks. He came to get you himself?”

“Oh, there was a driver waiting with a sign but Jared was there, too. He took some crazy combination of train and bus to get to the airport because he said he knew how intimidating it could be to get around the city if you aren’t used to it. I told him on the phone that you always came to get me whenever I visited and I was a little leery of being alone and well … he came to escort me to the hotel himself. Like I said. He’s a real doll.”

It’s true that his mother is a nervous traveler and Jensen had felt bad that he wouldn’t be able to meet her at the airport like always. But it was so crazy busy these last few days that it was impossible. Jensen fights the tightness in his throat at the sweetness of Jared’s action. “Jared is special,” he says softly.

For a moment he thinks he’s spoken too low for his mother to hear but then she agrees softly back. “Jensen … “ she begins again. “I spoke to your father right before I left. I know you told me not to get my hopes up. I guess I should have listened.”

Oh god, this is the absolute last thing he needs right now. His parents divorced years ago but keep in touch. Every once in a while his mother gets determined to fill Jensen in on the goings on in Alan’s life. Even if Jensen always tells her he doesn’t want to hear it. Of course, he always listens anyway. But this is worse. Because this means she shared what’s going on in Jensen’s life. And Jensen can hardly deal with it himself. “Don’t Mom … it doesn’t matter.”

“It does. I thought … I don’t know, that maybe you getting married would make him realize. He’s still … well, he doesn’t understand. Can’t get past his prejudices.”

Jensen doesn’t say anything. Because it doesn’t matter. “When are Josh and Brittany getting in?”

“Early tomorrow. Jared wanted to come meet them as well but I told him it wasn’t necessary.”

Jensen chuckles. “No. It certainly isn’t. Josh won’t appreciate being babied.”

They both laugh. The tailor comes back in with his pants. “Mom. I gotta get back to my fitting. I’ll swing by later, okay?”

“Yes. Of course.”

“Oh and Mom? Tell Jared … “

When the pause lasts too long his mother urges him on. “Mmm?”

“Nothing. I … I guess I’ll see him Sunday at the wedding.”

She hangs up with a quick goodbye and Jensen shuts his eyes as old bony hands smooth the legs of his trousers. The tailor had to take them in a little at the waist because Jensen had lost weight.



Donna is a striking woman with high cheekbones and full lips that remind Jared immediately of Jensen. Her golden shoulder length hair gleams in the sunshine as they work their way closer to the city. She just hung up from speaking with Jensen. Jared didn’t want to listen in but he was just inches away. The part that caught his attention the most is when Jensen’s dad was mentioned. Part of him hoped that he’d decide to attend. Maybe even surprise Jensen. As soon as Donna ends the call Jared turns to her.

“How could Jensen’s father not come watch him get married?”

He’s met with a chuckle. “Sandy said you were direct.”

“Sandy spoke to you about me?” Jared doesn’t like the idea of people talking about him behind his back. He wonders now if Sandy warned Donna that Jared was weird. He hates thinking this about his best friend.

“She told me that you and my son were spending time together and that you were being a very good friend to Jensen.”

Jared smiles. “I love spending time with Jensen. He’s my best friend now, too. First there was Sandy. I didn’t know if I could have more than one. But Jensen said it was okay.”

Donna meets his eyes. Jared forces himself to not look away. “What did Jensen tell you about his father?”

“That he left when Jensen told you both he was gay. How could he do that? When I told my parents, they were surprised, I guess. It’s not what one expects. Of course, most everything with me is not what one would expect but this was one more thing. My poppa looked at me for a long time and he asked if I was sure. I told him yes and then he asked again. That’s when I knew he would have rather I’d said no. But I’d read Tom’s book and given it to my parents to read and I got scared that maybe they would suddenly hate me like Tom’s parents suddenly hated him. Except … I didn’t see how that was possible. Nothing my parents could do would make me hate them.”

“Jared … Alan doesn’t hate Jensen. He just … He’s scared. Everything he understood, expected, got turned around that day. It’s like you have your life planned out a certain way. He expected to raise his boys a certain way. This … Jensen’s … well, his orientation, it just, it’s like it was outside of Alan’s world. Like his son was suddenly a stranger. And that was terrifying.”

“And how scared do you think Jensen was at sixteen with his father leaving?”

There’s silence and Jared tries to see if he said something wrong but Donna is a stranger and her face is a foreign language. Eventually she replies, “You don’t hide from the truth, do you?”

“That’s all there is. Either it’s true or it’s not real.”

He’s suddenly caught by her eyes and for a shocked moment they remind him of Jensen’s and he sees sadness. “Do you think Jensen should marry Tom?”

Her voice is direct and Jared likes that. Besides, that’s an easy question. “No.”

“Why not?”

“Because he doesn’t love Tom. I don’t know if Tom loves him. I hope so but I don’t know Tom. He’s not a partner like he should be though. They don’t have fun together. Jensen doesn’t laugh with Tom. Jensen’s got the best laugh. The way it comes from deep in his belly and his eyes crinkle and his whole body shakes.”

She’s staring at him now and Jared squirms. He tries the eyebrow trick and raises his eyes up a notch and it helps. “Jared … are you in love with my son?”

There really are times Jared wishes he could just lie. “Yes. But that doesn’t … that’s not why I think he shouldn’t marry Tom. I know I’m not … It’s not about that. I just want to be his friend. I want him happy. I want him to shine with happiness so that even someone like me could see it.”

He’s surprised to suddenly feel a squeeze to his hand. “Oh, I wish Jensen wasn’t quite so much like his father, they are both so blind.”

Jared doesn’t understand this. He doesn’t think Jensen could ever feel toward gay people like his father did. It makes no sense. After a few too-hot moments he wriggles his hand away.



Brittany was the best thing to ever happen to Josh. College mellowed Jensen’s big brother but it wasn’t until Brit came into his life during his junior year that things between Josh and Jensen began to heal. She was a transplanted Californian who moved to Texas with her family when her father was relocated for work. But she kept all her liberal sensibilities. They met at a coffee shop that featured an open mike night once a week. Josh was expecting a friend to be performing. But he’d gotten the week confused. Brittany sang her folk songs and Josh stared at her until she missed a note.

Jensen remembered the day Josh called to say he was dating someone new. They’d spoken only maybe once a month up to that point. His brother had really called to speak with their mother but she wasn’t home and in his excitement he started telling Jensen about Brittany instead. Jensen remembered smiling despite himself. And then Josh mentioned that Brittany was a member of the campus’s GSA and Jensen had nearly choked.

“You know what that is, dude?” he’d yelped at his brother.

He’d gotten a snort in return. “Of course. Gay Straight Alliance. I thought … well, given circumstances I thought I might go to a meeting. Jensen swallowed hard and replied that he wished they had a chapter in his high school. Now in his senior year Jensen was managing by living for the future. It was only about getting away. Getting out.

That night Jensen told his mother what Josh had said and she’d beamed back at him that things were going to turn around now. That it would be fine. Except despite his brother’s newfound openness, Jensen’s father never came around. His parent’s divorce finalized and by the time Jensen left for New York he’d seen his father only once more for less than five minutes. The older man had looked at Jensen for a long moment before asking, “What did I do wrong?” At Jensen’s stunned silence Alan scurried past him to his car. Jensen’s mother had again asked for Jensen to be patient but Jensen raced upstairs muttering that it didn’t matter.

Pulling up to the restaurant that Sandy arranged for the rehearsal dinner, Jensen is excited to be seeing his family again. He spent the day with his mother but hadn’t seen Josh or Brittany yet. They arrived in the afternoon and Donna had spoken to them on the phone and they were going to rest up a bit before the evening’s event. Hanging with his mother was a welcome distraction. She didn’t bring up his father again and aside from an awkward question or two about Jared everything went smoothly. She filled him in on what his aunts and uncles and cousins were up to, so that he’d have things to say to them at the reception.

Tom is meeting Jensen at the restaurant. Jensen had suggested meeting up and arriving together but Tom had some conference planned that would take up the afternoon. He said to apologize to Donna and promised that he’d be nothing but attentive all evening.

Jensen isn’t late but nonetheless it appears everyone is already there, including Tom. It takes a moment for Jensen to place the men surrounding his fiancé, but then he realizes they are from the latest committee Tom formed to fight the Defense of Marriage Act. He is certain that Sandy didn’t include these people that Jensen barely met on the guest list for this dinner and so he tries to get Tom’s attention.

“Hey, about time,” Tom teases, kissing his cheek.

“Why are they here? This is a family dinner.”

Tom’s eyes go instantly cold and Jensen realizes his mistake a beat too late. Tom has no family. The split was total and complete and Jensen knows this and is trying to apologize before Tom can get a word out. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that. Shit. We gotta get this wedding over with before I go off the deep end.”

His friend’s eyes warm again. “I hear ya. Been saying it all along. Need to have it done and get back to normal, yeah? Not to mention two weeks on the beach.” He winks at Jensen and leans in. “Who knows? Maybe we’ll find ourselves an island hottie and try a little sharing again.”

Jensen jumps back. Jesus. Instantly he’s taken back to the night Tom showed up at his place with some dude he’d picked up somewhere. Tom was oddly insistent and pushy and Jensen still doesn’t know why he went along other than a stupid macho reaction to being called a pussy. Only he wasn’t used to intimacy being that crowded and while it was hot watching Tom get it on with the other dude, if he was honest it left him feeling achingly lonely. Enough tequila and Jensen got with the program as Tom phrased it, fucking a stranger’s ass with his eyes tightly closed because he didn’t want to see the back of the guy’s head bobbing down on Tom’s cock as he was plowed from behind. And he really didn’t want to see Tom at all.

All of this must show in Jensen’s face because Tom laughs boldly. “Sorry Jen. I forgot how vanilla you are. No worries, babe, nothing you don’t want. I promise.”

What he wants. The words ring in his ears until Jensen feels like his head is one giant gong. Now there’s something that seems to have absolutely nothing to do with his life. Tom looks around. “Where’s Fee-Fi-Fo-Fum?”

Jensen frowns, but doesn’t bother correcting Tom. He’s been calling Jared some giant reference since the day they met. It’s insulting and ridiculous given that Jared is barely an inch or so taller than Tom. Sandy is passing by sipping at her cocktail. “Jared couldn’t make it,” she says pointedly, her eyes narrowing slightly.

“But he’ll be there tomorrow?” Jensen asks quickly. Because this is important. Vital. He needs his friend there. Hell, he wishes Jared were here right now.

Sandy’s gaze falls on Jensen. “Yes. He said he would be. You know you don’t need to question it then.”

“Right,” Tom says. “Saint Jolly never lies. I forgot.”

“Quit that already,” Jensen barks loud enough that folks look over. He lowers his head. “Tom … I gotta … “ he points in the general direction of his family who are now staring his way. He’s yet to say hello. Tom is nonplussed. He squeezes Jensen’s shoulder and goes back to his new friends. One of them smiles a little too wide as Tom returns and Jensen knows, just knows, that Tom fucked him. Probably not all that long ago. On his way to his mother and brother he pulls a glass of wine off the waiter’s tray and downs it so fast he coughs slightly.

Donna and Brittany hug him tight and Josh does the straight boy half hug. It’s good.

Josh looks around. “Wow. Nice place.” He looks Jensen over and his eyes dim slightly. “You okay, bro?”

To say that his brother isn’t the most observant person in the world is beyond an understatement. So Jensen figures he has to up his acting like two hundred percent. His face breaks into a smooth, practiced smile. “Of course. Night before my wedding, why wouldn’t I be?”

Brittany smiles at him weakly. Jensen avoids her eyes. Maybe he needs to improve three hundred percent. That’s when their mom smiles pointedly at him and Jensen stiffens his resolve. This was not going to turn into an analyze what the fuck is wrong with Jensen session. It was way too late for that.

Donna puts an arm around each of her sons. “I love this,” she says warmly. “I wish we all lived closer.” She sighs. It’s an old complaint and Jensen has learned to ignore it. He can never live in Texas again. And he can’t imagine his brother living in New York City. So that’s that.

Josh surprises him. “I spoke to Dad.” There’s an open bar and Jensen now seriously regrets not stopping there first. The wine isn’t cutting it. Josh continues despite the death glares Jensen is shooting his way. “I told him he was being a selfish jerk to miss his own son’s wedding.”

His mother pipes in, “I told Jensen.” She squeezes his arm. “I’m sorry.” She’s always done this. Apologized for his father. For his father no longer wanting anything to do with Jensen. But it’s not her fault. “Maybe if we just gave your father a little more time … “

More time?! Jesus Christ, the man’s had seventeen years.

“Mom, Josh … I know how much you … but let’s drop it, okay? I don’t want to talk about him now. Please. That’s the last thing I-as it is I don’t know how I’ll-“ Jensen sucks in air cutting himself off. “I need to be surrounded by people I love. Gotta look at something good. It’s my wedding day.” He stumbles on the word ‘wedding’ and gets this look from Brittany that unnerves.

Nonetheless his sister-in-law takes his side. “I agree. While it would be wonderful if Jensen and your father can reconcile one day, this isn’t the right time to talk about that. It needs to be special for Jensen. It’s a lifelong commitment he’s making to the man he loves. We need to respect that.”

“I fought for this,” Jensen says into the quiet that follows Brittany’s declaration. “Since turning eighteen and leaving Richardson behind. Tom … his book. It was everything to me. That’s all I’ve done is fight for those like me, to prove we’re just like everyone else and worthy of … ” His voice is rising and his eyes are burning and he’s fucking losing it. A strong hand touches his back.

“Excuse us,” Tom says as he guides Jensen away. He doesn’t stop until they enter a back hallway and exit out a fire entrance. The warm air is soothing after the interior’s air conditioned chill.

“They don’t get it. They never will.” Tom’s voice is strong and confident. It’s the voice Jensen remembers on the phone saying his manuscript must be read. Please.

“I know. They mean well. And Josh tries. Mom just wants the impossible.”

Tom places his hands on Jensen’s shoulders, leaning down so that their eyes meet. “When I was in the Camp.” It’s always just the Camp when Tom talks about that time - capital C heard loud and clear. “I was told over and over how much my parents love me. How god loves me. How everyone meant only to help me. It took a long time for me to see how intentions are meaningless. It’s what you do, Jen. You know that. Because you do good. You stand up and do things that are uncomfortable for you, but they’re important. I’m not blind. I know this wedding is scaring you silly. All that attention. I get it.” His arms bear down and Jensen can only stare at Tom’s expression. Steady like a rock. How can anyone be so sure about anything?

“Tomorrow we’re going to put on a show. For the boys and girls who are told that they can’t have that. That somehow they don’t count when it comes to the normal things in life. When it comes to what everyone else takes for fucking granted. That they’re on the other side of some fence. Well, guess what? We knocked it down.”

There’s no question Tom believes every word. But a voice is speaking in Jensen’s head, sounding suspiciously like Jared, saying you can’t prove a truth with a lie.

But he doesn’t say that. He doesn’t say anything. Tom is pure in his own way. He’s too fucked up for anything real. And so is Jensen. That’s why this works for them. He steels himself and brings his lips up in a smirk. “It’s gonna be a heckuva show.” He fist pumps Tom who smiles back at him happily.

“That’s my boy. You keep your eye on the goal an’ it’s going to go fine.”

They head back inside and Jensen immediately meets his mother’s worried eyes. He smiles at her, giving her a wink and purposely throws an arm around Tom’s waist. Tom looks down at him questioningly a moment because Jensen hardly ever goes for spontaneous affection. Nonetheless he lets Jensen lead him to the table and dinner begins.

It goes smooth after that with no further comments about Jensen’s dad. The conversation is topical and lively and Jensen is falling into his publisher mode. He’s charming the guys on Tom’s new committee, he’s regaling his family with funny stories of temperamental authors. He only stumbles once when Sandy shares a Jared story with Brittany and the two laugh warmly. Jensen feels a pang of jealousy. Wants to participate and share his own tales but he can’t.

The evening winds down and the waiter comes around pouring champagne and clearly it’s time for a toast. Right before they get to Jensen’s and Tom’s glasses though, another waiter comes out with a silver tray. Jensen looks up and the warmth fills him like a flash fire. Two, tall, frothy glasses of chocolate milk are placed in front of them. The waiter leans down and whispers in his ear, “From Jay, with love.”

Jensen is smiling so bright his cheeks start to hurt. Donna laughs. “I haven’t seen you drink chocolate milk in years.”

“I started again,” Jensen says.

Tom is staring at the glass as if it were hemlock. “What’s this?”

Jensen turns, still smiling broadly. “Chocolate milk, bud, drink up.”

He picks up his glass and starts downing it fast. It’s not as good as Jared’s but it’s sweet and ice cold. He puts it down and realizes he’s looking around like he expects to see Jared’s sweet smile appear out of nowhere. But Jared isn’t here.

“Fuck this. Can’t toast with this.” Tom ushers the waiter over who promptly fills both their flutes up high with champagne.

“You won’t even taste it?” Jensen asks needlessly.

Tom’s face is an ugly snarl. “No. I’m not fucking five. This has to be the Jolly Green Moron’s idea. Jesus, if he’s gonna do something to embarrass us tomorrow I don’t want him there.”

“He has to be there.”

“Like hell he does. I’ve lined up the Good Morning America crew. This isn’t some childish joke.“ He turns to Jensen. “What is it with you and him anyway? I get helping out special needs people or whatever but this is important.”

“Jared is important. And he will be there.”

Tom’s staring at him now. Hell, half the table is looking but Jensen isn’t noticing. “Why does it matter so damn much?”

“Because … “ He’s honest, genuine, real. And I need to see one true thing before committing my life to a lie. “He’s become a good friend. That’s reason enough.”

The conversation is dropped when one of Jensen’s fellow editors picks up his flute and offers the couple a toast. Jensen accepts the toast by downing the last of the milk. As soon as he reasonably can he sneaks back out the rear exit alone this time.

“Jay?”

Jared’s voice is slightly sleepy. “Jen?”

“Did I wake you?”

There’s a rustling sound. “Yeah. I guess I fell asleep watching TV.” There’s a pause. “How’s it going?”

“Okay. Wish you were here. I got your surprise. It was great. Thanks!”

Jensen can hear the joy in Jared’s voice. “Yeah? I’m glad. Wanted to be sure you had one fun thing. But you have your mom and brother and sister-in-law, so that’s great.”

“It was fun. It was perfect. Thank you, Jared.”

“You’re welcome.”

He can hear a wistful tone in Jared’s voice. Maybe it’s his imagination. But Jared was speaking of Jensen’s family and that only serves to remind Jensen how Jared has no family left. “I have to do this Jared. Make a difference. You know that, right?” He hears an apology in his own voice. Wonders what Jared hears.

“Jensen. I only want you happy. It’s all I can want for you. I don’t … I don’t know what you want me to say.”

Tell me you love me again. “Jay … tell me something about the space program I don’t know.”

“Um … okay. This is neat-the only geologist to visit the moon, Harrison Schmitt, discovered the coolest samples. It was near Shorty Crater and it was orange.”

“Hey is that a short joke on my behalf?”

Jared laughs. The sound surrounds Jensen like a blanket. “No. That’s its real name.”

“Okay … I never knew there was orange rock on the moon.”

“Not really rock. More like soil. He wasn’t sure at first because of reflections and such but then he started shouting, ‘It’s orange.’ And Cernan came over and he confirmed. But Schmitt was so excited he couldn’t stop shouting. The recordings are fantastic. You gotta hear it one day. I’ll play it for you. He was yelling, ‘It’s all over. It’s orange!!”

“Why’s it special? The soil, I mean.”

“Well, it indicated oxidation, was probably volcanic and meant a good chance that there was ice or water on the moon once.”

Jensen can’t help but grin at the excitement in Jared’s voice as he retells the story. He’s as excited as the astronauts who found the colorful soil. The desire to share that excitement, to sink into a sofa and tug Jared against him, and rewatch From the Earth to the Moon or do a marathon of moon documentaries spikes through him. For a crazy second he’s about to suggest that for next weekend and then he remembers.

“I have to go back inside. They’ll be wondering … Jay, I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?”

“As promised.”

He hangs up and fights the instant chill. Tom spots him as he returns. He’s leaning into the new guy slightly, like they just shared something private. Young, shorter than Jensen, slight. Very much Tom’s type. From the other side of the table Jensen can feel his family’s eyes upon him. Tom pulls away from the guy and stands before him, looking down to get Jensen’s attention. “Look. I’m gonna head out, okay?” He glances back toward the other man, doesn’t even try to hide it. “Need to burn off some steam myself before our big day, you know? But you got your mom, they’ll take care of you, right?”

Jensen hears all this but it’s registering slowly. Instead, he imagines the thrill that the first, the only geologist allowed to visit the moon must have felt when he discovered an orange rock on a black and white world. He gets why Jared loves that story. It’s so unashamedly honest. Does he love you like I love you?

“Okay. Goodnight Tom.” He says this loud enough for most to hear. Tom looks like he’s going to lean into kiss him but something about Jensen stops him. He squeezes Jensen’s shoulder before walking back to the table and murmuring something to the people seating there. Jensen sees the guy walk out of the restaurant.

Returning to his family Jensen faces the inevitable question, “Tom’s leaving?”

Tom comes over that second and begs off, saying he’s exhausted and needs to be rested for the big day. He teases Donna about keeping Jensen up too late. He goes to kiss Jensen again but Jensen turns and it lands on his cheek.

Brittany is looking at them both with a slight scowl but then Josh shares a look with their mother and whispers in his wife’s ear. He doesn’t know what his brother tells his wife. Only nobody mentions Tom again for the rest of the night.

To Chapter 6

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