Your prologue is wonderful. I love that it’s from Chad’s POV and I love this part even more (what a summarization!):
It’s a bit romanticized. Yeah, okay, it’s a lot romanticized. Jared, if he weren’t in the story, would have laughed at Chad. But Chad thinks that won’t happen now. And Jensen? He’d call Chad a sap, before surreptitiously wiping away a tear. So it’ll never be happily ever after.
I also really like Jared right off the bat, mostly, I think, because Jared seems to think outside the box (like not letting the bouncer throw Jensen out of the bar, and it was a ridiculous and old-fashioned rule to be quiet in libraries, and for real, why shouldn’t you be allowed to chimpsit in your own apartment?). I don’t blame him for taking Jensen home with him, dealing with young kids, it’s something that he recognizing in Jensen.
You’ve done a great job with your characterization of Robot Jensen as well. You are, as always, so good with your descriptive writing. I loved the breakfast scene, could just picture his head over the bowl to hear the snap, crackle and pop of the cereal. And the way he phrases things, such as when Jared first met him (and, of course, all of Jared’s inner thoughts).
This is off to such a good start. I’m very intrigued by Robot Jensen. At first I thought that he had been sent out to as a controlled test, but that is obviously not the case. And speaking of controlled, he must have been in a very controlled environment, which only makes sense since he is the first one of his kind. I love the way you lace the humor throughout.
I knew I had good reason to be anxious to read this story!
Hey you! I need to savor your comments slowly, like fine wine. You so get me and my writing :) Thanks for liking Jared's out of the box thinking. That was the idea. More on that later when you see the plot develop.
The robot is a child. A very beautiful child.
And thanks for finding the funny. I always think I lack in that department -- I'm thrilled to have made you smile.
It’s a bit romanticized. Yeah, okay, it’s a lot romanticized. Jared, if he weren’t in the story, would have laughed at Chad. But Chad thinks that won’t happen now. And Jensen? He’d call Chad a sap, before surreptitiously wiping away a tear. So it’ll never be happily ever after.
I also really like Jared right off the bat, mostly, I think, because Jared seems to think outside the box (like not letting the bouncer throw Jensen out of the bar, and it was a ridiculous and old-fashioned rule to be quiet in libraries, and for real, why shouldn’t you be allowed to chimpsit in your own apartment?). I don’t blame him for taking Jensen home with him, dealing with young kids, it’s something that he recognizing in Jensen.
You’ve done a great job with your characterization of Robot Jensen as well. You are, as always, so good with your descriptive writing. I loved the breakfast scene, could just picture his head over the bowl to hear the snap, crackle and pop of the cereal. And the way he phrases things, such as when Jared first met him (and, of course, all of Jared’s inner thoughts).
This is off to such a good start. I’m very intrigued by Robot Jensen. At first I thought that he had been sent out to as a controlled test, but that is obviously not the case. And speaking of controlled, he must have been in a very controlled environment, which only makes sense since he is the first one of his kind. I love the way you lace the humor throughout.
I knew I had good reason to be anxious to read this story!
Reply
The robot is a child. A very beautiful child.
And thanks for finding the funny. I always think I lack in that department -- I'm thrilled to have made you smile.
Reply
Leave a comment