When Your Lover Breaks, Ch. 10, NC-17, RPS, Non-AU, Jensen/Jared

[sandymg]

~ Jensen ~
“Jensen, there’s video on YouTube of your playing with Kane. You looked good, sounded great - well, what I could hear over the screaming.” Jensen heard the doctor chuckle softly. “How did it feel?”

Rachel’s voice soothed. He was glad she’d worked out these telephone sessions. There was no way he wanted to start with someone new. Truth was, he’d gotten used to talking to her. Although over the phone he knew he was able to fool her way more easily. He hadn’t realized until his sessions with her that his face was quite that transparent. Sure, he used his face, his eyes, when performing. But that was different. That was intentional. She seemed to see everything no matter what he actually told her.

Only one other person had been able to read him that way.

“It was a blast. I had a great time. The crowd was hyped. Chris was Chris. It felt … good.”

“I’m glad. Sounds like you had a good experience.” She paused. “Have you followed up with the cognitive center in L.A.?”

“Yeah. I had a new evaluation. My memory scores were higher.” He was really happy about this. They’d conducted some fresh tests and he’d had his first objective improvement in weeks. It had given him hope that maybe he wouldn’t have to give up his profession forever.

“Has this figured into your thoughts about continuing acting?” Of course, even over the damn phone she read his face.

“I guess. Maybe it’s more possible than I’d thought before. Not quite ready for stage work …” He laughed. “But I could probably handle a commercial.”

They both snickered at this. Then sobering she asked, “Have you spoken to Eric again?”

“No. He’s been giving me space. The network called my agent. She’s being noncommittal and I guess everyone’s just waiting on me. I have to decide soon. If we do this, we’d have to start shooting by August at the latest.”

He heard her breathing softly. “So it seems like Supernatural is back to being a possibility. Last time we spoke you were dismissing it outright.”

“Oh, don’t get me wrong. I still think it’s impossible.”

“Impossible?”

His lips twisted slightly. “Unlikely.”

He could swear he heard her smile.

* * *

Jensen stared at the slightly fuzzy photo until his eyes could barely focus on it any longer. He was in the checkout line of the grocery store when the small inset photo on the cover of OK! magazine caught his eye. Jared with Genevieve. He was leaning down into her and she was smiling up at him, his arm was draped possessively around her shoulders. The caption read: Jared Padalecki’s Demon Encounter Across the Pond: New Love for Jared and Genevieve? Jensen grabbed the magazine and paid for it along with his groceries. He was wearing sunglasses and a cap and was almost unrecognizable. Almost. The cashier smiled up at him with a familiar I know who you are look. But this was L.A. and celebrity sightings were everyday, and she was cool and merely said, “Have a nice day” as she packed his bag.

In the apartment he unpacked the food items slowly, leaving the magazine untouched on the counter. When everything was put away and the grocery bags tucked into the plastic bag holder he kept under his sink he couldn’t stop from picking it up.

Inside were a series of photos from the same photographer, obviously taken in quick succession. Jared was leaning in to say something private to Genevieve. She stared up at him with a look that could only be interpreted one way. Jared was smiling broadly, teeth shining, dimples on display. It was classic Jared and seeing it again reminded Jensen of how long it had been since he’d seen Jared smile like that. Reminded Jensen of how much he’d taken away from Jared.

The gruff voice from the doorway surprised him.

“You get the beer?”

Jensen looked up startled. Chris must have just woken up. He was in his ratty t-shirt and old sweats and his hair was sticking up in more directions than Jensen knew existed. It would normally have made him laugh.

Chris took a look at him, walked in the room, and slowly pulled the magazine from his hand. “Shit.”

Jensen turned away. Walked to the refrigerator to pull out a beer and hand to his friend. Although how someone could have beer be the first thing to enter their system upon waking up was beyond him. Even if it was three p.m.

Chris took the bottle but didn’t open it. “ ‘M sorry, Jenny.”

“No. Don’t be. This is good. It’s what I wanted.”

Chris looked at him dubiously. “C’mon man, this is me. You’ve had the hots for Jay forever. And the Yeti told me himself that--”

“Yeah. I wish he hadn’t. Nothing to it now anyway.” Jensen looked at his friend. He didn’t know what Jared had said. It seemed that when Jensen’d been in the hospital everyone suddenly seemed to know they were a couple. Wasn’t very smart of Jared to blurt it out so publicly.

“What happened between you two in Vancouver?”

“What do you mean? I thought you said Jared already told you.”

“No, he didn’t. I mean, yeah, sorta … but not with words. After the accident, when you were recuperating, I got the impression-did you two break up?”

Jensen tried to comprehend what he was hearing. “What do you mean ‘not with words?’ I thought he came out to everyone while I was still unconscious or whatever.”

“Nah. He never spoke to me about it. I dunno, maybe he said somethin’ to your folks or Mac, though.”

“Then how did you …?”

Chris gave him a look Jensen couldn’t read. “Jenny, he was out of his freakin’ mind, man. You don’t get that way unless you love someone.”

The incongruously sentimental words coming from his normally sarcastic friend’s mouth left the room suddenly silent.

After a moment Jensen said, “But that was all before I woke up.”

Chris stared at him, blue eyes getting darker. “I don’t know what happened before you woke up. Me and Steve only got there afterward. Padalecki was a mess. You thinking he was your brother didn’t help much. But when you told him you’d go home with him -- it was like the kid could breathe again. Steve and I had been real worried about what he’d do if you decided to go anywhere other than home with him.”

“I thought … I thought he was being nice, you know, because we were friends.”

“You think what you want. I’m just tellin’ you what I saw. Been around long enough to know what friendship looks like, Cowboy. That ain’t it.”

Chris handed Jensen back the magazine. Jensen’s eyes drifted back to the photos. “I told him to do this.”

“Huh?”

“Find someone else.”

“Oh. I see,” Chris drawled, making the short words linger in the air. “Was your idea. Good to know it won’t bother you, him following your advice.”

Jensen was too busy staring at Jared and Genevieve to notice Chris’ smirk.

~ Jared ~

She was funny and pretty and smart … and interested. Covered his top three requirements easily and the last, well, was also rather important. She was familiar and holding her small hand in his reminded him of Sandy, of the dozens of girls he’d dated over the years. Reminded him how it felt good to be so much larger, bigger, how it brought out his protective side. He ignored the small voice that complained. There was no such thing as too soft, he convinced himself. That was ridiculous. Almost as ridiculous as the lingering desire to feel protected himself.

He’d flown early to England so that he could relax a few days in London before heading to the Asylum Convention in Birmingham. Neither he nor Jensen had been able to make it here last year and so this year the crowds were ecstatic that he’d kept his commitment. Originally, Jensen was supposed to attend as well. But all his convention appearances had been cancelled after the accident.

Asking Genevieve if she wanted to do some sightseeing with him in London was a spontaneous decision. They’d been hanging out, went out to dinner, for drinks. Nothing extraordinary. But he was aware enough to know she’d be game for more. And he liked her. Had liked her since her stint as Ruby on the show. He’d been disappointed when he read the final script and saw she wasn’t going to make it. Jensen had said at the time that it was best for the story.

Jared wondered now if she’d been flirting with him even then. In retrospect, he guessed she was. He couldn’t help but wonder if Jensen’s reaction to her character’s death wasn’t jealousy. It was really satisfying to think this. Except he just couldn’t be that self-delusional. Lately he’d been awakening to a bunch of things. The biggest of which is that it might have been something other than shyness that kept Jensen from saying ‘I love you’ back to Jared.

This meant it had nothing to do with the accident. Meant maybe it had never been there at all.

* * *

They’d gone out to dinner and shared a couple of bottles of wine. Jared was buzzed and warm and had the giggles. It had been a long time since he’d felt this loose. They returned to the hotel and he was positively bouncy. She laughed at his mood and said it was really good to see him this way again. It sobered him a moment that she’d noticed, had seen how melancholy he’d become. Mostly because he really thought he’d covered that up pretty well. But then she’d smiled at him, putting her whole self into it and it all felt good again.

Genevieve invited Jared to her room and they flipped satellite stations for a while and settled on a Benny Hill rerun and Jared went from giggling to cackling, and before he knew it to kissing.

Her lips were soft and small, just like the rest of her. There wasn’t one hard edge, but he pushed that thought down deep and focused on enjoying the moment. She kissed harder, was hot and hungry and pushed him down on the sofa, covering him with her body. She felt lighter than air, insubstantial like a feather and he pulled her closer trying to give her more weight, craving that feeling of strength surging against his own.

She shifted slightly and he eased up, scared for a moment that he’d hurt her. She was so little, so … fragile. It had been a while since he’d had to curb himself. He’d gotten used to just taking. He let his hand roam over her back while he explored her mouth leisurely. Her tongue was warm and pulsing in his mouth. The wine made him drowsy and untethered. Swallowing her lips with his own he murmured Jen without thought.

Genevieve lifted up at this, eyes glazed, still smiling. “You never called me that be-“ Brown eyes met his, suddenly growing huge. “Oh god.”

Jared didn’t try denial, there wasn’t a point. He sat up and ran his hand through his hair and thought about apologizing but knew that if he said even one word he’d lose it. She sat next to him, her head nodding as if agreeing to something. She ran her fingers over her mouth and held them there a second, looked at him with an unreadable expression.

Finally she spoke. “Does he know?”

The question jarred him. Of course. Didn’t he? And then it killed him that what should have been the most obvious answer in the world was now unknown to him. Jesus, he didn’t even understand the question anymore. He had no idea of how he’d gotten here. But the ache he felt just wouldn’t let him go. He forced his eyes back to hers. She deserved that he look at her. “Genevieve, I’m sorry.”

She smiled softly. “Hey. It happens. My friends do call me Gen. You can, too, if you want.”

He nodded but didn’t say anything. She was a class act and he was grateful beyond measure. He could tell her that maybe he just needed time but said nothing. That much of a bastard he could never be. In fact, it was one of the only things he gave Jensen credit for in this whole fucked up mess. Say what you will, but he never led Jared on.

~ Jensen ~

Aaron was still an airhead but he had the roundest, highest ass you could possibly want. Jensen gave it a small squeeze as they worked their way to Aaron’s bed. Aaron crushed his mouth with his own and started pushing his tongue inside in these small, sweet little bursts. Jensen wasn’t happy with this - didn’t want soft and easy or anything resembling loving gentle. Never was much for kissing too long. He shoved the smaller man down and started biting at his lip, his jaw, his neck with reckless abandon. Meanwhile he roughly ground his erection against Aaron thinking of how good it would feel to plow into his tight …

“Ow! What the fuck, Jensen? You’re hurting me.”

Dammit, he’d forgotten how freakin’ delicate Aaron was. Besides having the IQ of a gnat, this was part of the reason he’d never given him a second thought when Aaron’d moved out of Vancouver. He wanted someone who could take him, make him feel. He’d wanted smart and fun and dimples. Fuck. He pulled back, breath shallow. “Fuck. If I wanted a girl I woulda gone out with one.”

Aaron stared at him with hurt eyes that almost penetrated Jensen’s frustration. “You were always a bit of a dick but never quite this much of one. Look, if you want a brick shithouse like Padalecki go fuck him … don’t take your frustration out on me!”

Jensen’s breath caught. “He has nothing to do with this.”

Aaron snorted. He stood and started straightening out his clothes. “Right. That’s why I thought he was going to tear me a new one when you and I went out that last time. Fuck, even when we were dating you’d rather stay in and watch football with him more times than you wanted to go out with me. I knew even then, man. You wanna fool yourself, be my guest. I know you think I’m a dumb blonde. And maybe I am, thinking I ever had a chance … but at least I know what the hell is right in front of me. Which is more than I can say for you.”

~ Jared ~

It felt good being with the fans again. They energized Jared. Fueled his self-esteem, and his sense of play. He tossed candies out and laughed delightedly at the happy squeals. Out of the corner of his eye he saw the convention handlers smiling indulgently at him. Poor folks were trying to contain the chaos. Not easy when he was center stage. He returned to the stool and perched on it again, knee bouncing with leftover energy. Maybe he shouldn’t have eaten quite that much candy.

He took another question. The woman was small and nervous. He flirted with her and calmed her and purposely misunderstood her question enough times to have the audience roaring, and their laughter lifted him, made him feel like he was floating on a sea of good cheer. Finally, he answered her, tapping on memories from the show and pushing away any uncomfortable ghosts. They didn’t belong here. He refused to let them get between him and these good people who wanted nothing more than to peek behind the scenes at the working of their favorite program, glimpse the real person behind Sam Winchester.

This audience considered itself quite lucky. Eric and the network had agreed to show When the Levee Breaks in its entirety for the con, well before it was to be broadcast late summer. This sneak preview was the most anticipated thing in all the fandom. Jared hadn’t seen the completed episode. He didn’t intend to.

A sip of water, some more questions, he tossed more candy. It was business as usual and going well. Another young questioner rose and Jared smiled as she said her name was Karen. “Hi Karen, what do you want to know?”

“Do you believe in the Supernatural Curse?”

The crowd buzzed like a swarm of bees racing to the hive. Jensen Ackles was off limits topic-wise. Nothing about the accident was open for discussion. At the very start the handlers made an announcement that Jensen was with his family in Texas and that reports said he was doing well. Then they said that no questions would be accepted about Jensen or the accident. None. The moderator’s tone of voice should have made this crystal clear.

Curse. Jared hated that phrase with a passion. He remembered the fan site that replaced it with ‘gift’. He flashed back to Jensen on the gurney, awake. Confused. Thinking he was Dean. It had scared, terrified him. But those frightened green eyes, open, staring at him, were the most wonderful thing he’d ever seen. He tamped down his anger at her question. The woman was young, a teenager. The moderator came out quickly from the side of the stage and took his microphone. “I want to remind everyone that questions about the accident will not be-“ Jared grabbed the mike back from her.

“Wait. I’m going to answer that one. But only that one.” He turned first to the young woman, but then directed his answer straight out to the entire audience. He moved his eyes slowly over the crowd, a sea of anxious faces. He kept his voice steady and strong and knew he sounded more Sam-like than he’d ever been in front of fans. But it wasn’t Sam that was speaking. “No.”

When a crowd that large is all silent at once it sucks all the sound out of a room, leaving behind a cavern where even the merest whisper could be heard. So the soft, unmiked voice that said, “Neither do I.” vibrated into the farthest reaches and struck like a punch to everyone’s gut.

And then the crowd erupted.

Jared stared open-mouthed as Jensen walked across the stage toward him. Thinking ceased as two quick strides brought them together. His mike fell with an uncomfortable thud but he didn’t hear it because his arms surrounded Jensen and brought him closer and arms that he’d missed more than breathing were holding him back, squeezing his heart back to life. The only thought - how? - was lost in the warmth and strength of Jensen’s hug and later, when he could think about it, he knew that anyone with eyes had to see it all, but at the time there was nothing but this.

Slowly they pulled apart but Jared kept his hand on Jensen’s back as Jensen fought not to recoil from the sheer level of thunder rolling out of the audience. Everyone was on their feet. Jared staggered under the emotional outpouring. The first few rows, where he could see individual faces, were crying openly. They clapped and bounced and shifted, stopped a moment to swipe at their eyes, and then went back to acknowledging the man that had appeared out of nowhere.

The moderator came out beaming and announced Jensen’s name and incredibly the applause got even louder. Jared’s ears hurt from the sheer volume. Jensen finally pulled out of his grip and reached down to pick up the microphone. Jared stared stupidly, having lost all ability to speak when he’d first laid eyes on Jensen walking toward him.

The mike hovered near Jensen’s lips. “Miss me?”

The audience went bonkers.

* * *

Normally it was hard for Jared to stick to the stool on stage. Being high on sugar made it harder. Jensen settling on a stool next to him and agreeing to stay a few minutes … well, Jared was pretty much a kangaroo on speed. He tried to concentrate on the questioners but his gaze kept going back to Jensen who was regarding him comically.

It seemed to take days for the crowd to quiet enough for questions to resume, but the fans respected the rules and directed everything to Jared. Of course, they stared at Jensen all through Jared’s answers. When the Jensen ogling became a bit too obvious Jared jumped up again and gave the crowd an exaggerated pout.

“Hey, didn’t y’all miss me, too?”

He heard Jensen chuckle behind him and fought back the urge to grab and kiss him on the spot. He didn’t really know what it meant that Jensen had come to England to surprise him. But it had to mean something.

Needless to say the audience expressed their love of Jared with his own standing ovation. He bounded across the stage and accepted some gifts tossed at him, gushing appreciatively though the T-shirt a woman had given him was clearly way too small. This led to teasing about showing some skin and followed by striptease jokes until Jensen jumped up and stopped him from disrobing laughing, “Nobody needs to see that.”

At which point the audience actually booed Jensen, and Jared laughed so hard he was afraid he’d pop a button for real.

He held onto Jensen’s shoulder until he could breathe again. Jensen mumbled, “Just how much sugar did you have, dude?”

This set Jared off again.

The questions continued. Drama over comedy? Favorite scene? Tell a story about Jensen. That should have been easy and fun except he blanked and started rambling about the time early on when he’d gotten in some trouble at a bar and Jensen came back and stood up for him and he freakin’ almost lost it right there on the stage remembering that, except Jensen realized it and lightened the moment by calling him a giant wuss in full-out Dean mode.

But their eyes connected and off-mike Jared whispered, “You remember that?”

And Jensen nodded yes.

When Jared had about fifteen minutes left to his panel, Jensen caught his eyes between questions and leaned into him stool to stool. “I’m heading out.”

Then Jensen stood up and told the crowd he had to go.

The aww mantra started almost immediately. A girl midway back with lungs that must have been as big as a refrigerator if her yell was any indication shouted, “Jensen, will there be a final season?” This broke the dam free and the shouts emerged.

“Jensen, are you coming back?”

“Jensen, will they kill off Dean?”

“Jensen, will there be a season five?”

“Jensen, will the show have an ending?”

Jensen. Jensen. Jensen.

It was fast and sudden and almost violent and even Jared, who never spooked at these events, took a step back and instinctively stood in front of Jensen, shielding him.

The moderator came forward and tried to calm the crowd but it fell on deaf ears. Because in the end this was the only question anyone had. It was all they cared about. Would they get a conclusion to a show they’d invested in for four years? Or would it just disappear and they’d be left hanging?

Jared felt Jensen’s strong grip on his shoulder.

“It’s okay, Jay,” he said walking in front of him and putting his arms out to quiet the crowd. He held a small bag in one hand that Jared hadn’t seen before.

He walked to the front of the stage and Jared quickly followed as did Clif who stood on Jensen’s other side.

The crowd was still emotional and yelling and on the far side of wild. Jensen reached into the bag he was holding and threw something small into the audience. Was he nuts? Surely he didn’t think candy was going to placate this bunch? But Jensen did it again and again and again.

And someone screamed Omigod. Omigod. Omigod.

And someone else shrieked It’s salt.

Jensen put his microphone back to his lips. “See you in the fall.”

And the crowd went insane.

Jared turned to him, eyes huge. Jensen nodded once and whispered. “I really have to go.” It didn’t take much to see that the commotion was getting to him and Jared immediately put an arm around his shoulder and led him offstage with Clif behind them. They stopped right out of sight of the audience.

Jared turned to Clif meeting the man’s eyes so there could be absolutely no confusion. “Take care of him.”

Clif nodded and suddenly Jared panicked now that Jensen was leaving. He knew how his voice sounded and didn’t care. “Will I see you later?”

Jensen smiled shyly. “I’ll leave the door open.”

Jared let out his breath. They always had adjoining rooms at the cons. And they always left the door open so they could wander back and forth and hang out. It had never led to anything because they’d never allowed anything to happen. Until Jensen changed everything. Jared never did know why Jensen finally changed things between them. He always thought he’d have time to ask. Until time stopped.

Most of Jared’s remaining time on the stage was drowned by the parting applause for Jensen.

* * *

Jared was a patient man. Especially when it came to the fans. But by the second full hour of signing autographs he really was done. He hadn’t been able to get off stage at the panel because they wouldn’t stop clapping. And shrieking. Finally, he interrupted asking if they wanted to watch a new episode of Supernatural.

That led to fifteen more minutes of applause.

But he was shepherded offstage by the convention handlers and taken to a table where he spent the next two hours saying, “Yes. I’m really happy we’re coming back.” Before signing his name. A million times.

While in his mind all he could think about, see, hear, was Jensen.

Who’d flown to England.

Was it really only to announce his return to Supernatural? Wouldn’t a press conference in L.A. have accomplished that more efficiently? Jared knew he was acting like a lovesick teenager but his head kept spinning that it had to be more. Why else would Jensen have come?

The woman in front of him handed him a copy of OK! magazine to sign. He’d signed T-shirts, books, posters, toys, caps, DVD boxes. Basically if it could handle a sharpie he was all over it. A magazine was mundane. But the sweet, middle-aged woman handing it to him said the darndest thing. “I think you two make a lovely couple.”

His eyes flew down to examine the magazine’s cover and there he was. With Genevieve. He scanned the date. A week old. His heart felt like someone had replaced it with a rock.

* * *

Jared fought to steady his hand as he slid his key card in the door. He was exhausted. After the autographs he’d been given a food break and then the photo sessions started. He towered over the fans and his back hurt from stooping to fit next to their ecstatic faces. It wasn’t easy being a Sasquatch.

The door between their rooms was closed. If the door was locked from Jensen’s side then all Jared’s assumptions were for nothing. He held the knob, hesitated … It turned easily and Jared stepped into the adjoining room calling out Jensen’s name.

The room was a mirror of his own. A smallish living room and a small bedroom. A flat panel TV inside an armoire. Hotel rooms in the UK were always miniscule compared to their American cousins. He didn’t see Jensen but then heard the sound of water running. Jared paused, thinking he should step back to his room. Maybe also grab himself a quick shower before …

The bathroom door popped open and whatever thoughts Jared had vanished as he gawked at Jensen, wearing only his glasses and a towel slung ridiculously low on his slim hips. Jared’s mouth went dry and his dick immediately hard and aside from gaping and squirming and thinking breathe breathe breathe, he was pretty much useless.

“Jared. I … didn’t hear you. Give me a minute to get dressed.” Jensen colored slightly before disappearing into the bedroom.

God, don’t go, Jared thought, wishing to take in Jensen’s perfect body a little longer. He’d forgotten how drop dead gorgeous Jen was. He adjusted his jeans. As long as that image lingered behind his eyes they’d stay uncomfortable for some time.

He distracted himself by pacing, counting his steps absently from the window to the door and back to the sofa. He thought about sitting down but then Jensen was back and he froze again.

It should have been easier now that Jensen was dressed. He wore faded old jeans and a dark emerald sweater. No more glasses. Must have put in his contacts. Jared struggled to produce enough saliva to swallow.

“Jared? You okay?”

Jared forced his mind away from how in the incandescent light Jensen’s eyes glowed like a moonlit meadow. First thing he’d ever noticed were Jensen’s beautiful eyes. In particularly honest moments he knew he’d be content if they could be the last thing he ever saw.

“ “M fine.” Jared swallowed, smiled. “So, Sam and Dean are back?”

Jensen smiled shyly. “Yeah. I called Eric after I got back to the room. He’d already heard. The Twitter heard around the world.”

Jared laughed. “That was something, what you did.” He paused. He had to know. “Is that why you came here?” Is that the only reason you came here?

Jensen didn’t answer. He walked over to the mini-bar and searched inside. “Want a drink?”

Mini-bar parties at the cons was one of their things. It was what they did. Together.

“Sure.”

Jensen took his time sorting through the tiny bottles. “I don’t have any ice. Want me to go get?”

“Nah. Don’t bother. Just give it to me straight up.”

“You could use a bit more hair on your chest.”

“Liar.” Jared knew Jensen’s preference for clean-chested men. He’d known that way before they’d ever hooked up. Another night with a mini-bar and them laughing and watching bad TV and staying up way too late and inappropriate confessions that left him feeling lightheaded. There were things he’d told Jensen that he didn’t even tell himself.

The light-hearted accusation caught Jensen’s attention and Jared watched his back tense. He grinned. Good to know he wasn’t the only one aware of the tension between them. Of course that tension had been in place for two fucking years and Jensen did nothing about it, seemed to live with it just fine. So fine that Jared had convinced himself that it was one-way, well not exactly that - but uneven. That he wanted Jensen more than Jensen wanted him, and so it was only Jared’s problem. Until Jared had been thrown up against a wall.

Jared watched quietly as Jensen tossed the two little empty J&B bottles in the trash. He added spring water to each glass and handed Jared his drink.

They faced each other, still standing. Jensen raised his glass. “Um, to Sam and Dean.”

“To Sam and Dean,” Jared repeated bringing the scotch to his lips.

Wordlessly they settled on the sofa. Jared picked up the tinge of almond in the air. Jensen always travelled with all his favorite toiletries. Like a girl, was the way Jared teased him in the past. Secretly, Jared loved this quirk of Jen’s. And always ended up borrowing the vanilla almond body wash. Was way better than the little bars of soap most places offered. They tended to dry out his skin.

Jensen would always balk. “Why don’t you bring your own, dude?”

“Because then I couldn’t hear you bitch. Bitch.”

The memories made him smile.

“What? Jensen asked breaking the spell.

“Nothing. I … smelled almond, and, vanilla.”

Jensen blushed, color rising quick on his cheeks. Jared could have laughed but didn’t. “ ‘S nice. It’s you.”

“Jay …”

“No. I … I’m sorry. I shouldn’t … Tell me what made you decide to do the show.”

Jensen seemed to welcome the change of subject from the way he smelled. Jared took in one more quick breath. God. Delicious.

“Had another round of testing. Scored higher than ever. I thought … I think … well, I hope, I can do this.”

“You can do this.” Jared saw Jensen’s eyes fly up to his, saw the doubt. “Absolutely … we … can do this.” Suddenly aware of how that sounded he added. “Sam and Dean, right?”

Jensen smiled. “You’re my brother. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you.”

Jared stared incredulously. That line was a few years old. And … “That was my line.”

“I know. I just … always really liked it. And you really sold it.”

It was true, you idiot. Jared stayed silent. There was nothing safe he could say.

When the silence lingered on too long Jared found his voice again. “Maybe before we start filming we can run lines. You know, like we did before we shot the pilot.”

Jensen smiled. “In bars, so that the folks around us think we’re crazy devil worshippers?”

“Hey, I’ve got my triple six tattoo close to my heart.”

Jensen laughed, his eyes crinkling. Jared tried to stop himself from melting. It wasn’t fair, was it? Couldn’t Jensen just be ordinary good looking, or even better, goofy looking, like he, himself, was? Did he really have to look like …

“Jay? You’re staring at me again. Do I have a zit or something?”

Jared laughed. A zit wouldn’t dare land on that face. He laughed again as Jensen continued pondering him.

“Were you drinking before I got here?”

Jared downed the last of his drink and waved the empty glass back to Jensen. “Nope. First one. And on my way to number two. What are we opening next?”

Still pondering Jared oddly, Jensen went back to the mini-bar and bent down to look around. Of course that gave Jared a really good view of Jensen’s ass which did nothing to get his mind off the hard-on that really hadn’t quit since seeing Jensen in that towel. No thinking about the towel, he chastised himself.

Or Jensen’s perfect ass.

“How ‘bout Crown and Coke?”

“Sounds like a plan.”

Jared sipped his second drink. Sweet. “I saw you on YouTube. Couldn’t hear worth a damn through all the screaming. Jeez, Jen, it was like the Beatles or something.”

Jensen tightened again. “You saw that.”

Jared smiled. “Yeah. Chris record it?” He was pretty sure Kane recorded all his concerts.

Jensen nodded.

“Think you can send me a copy?” Watching Jensen on stage was one of Jared’s not-so-secret pleasures. And hearing him sing was up there with him wearing his glasses. And nothing but a towel. Bad thought. Not now.

“Sure, if you want.” Jensen smiled but Jared couldn’t help but think there was something on his friend’s mind.

Taking another sip of his second drink, Jared thought he’d have been better prepared for Jensen’s next question.

He wasn’t.

“So. You and Genevieve, eh?”

Jared sputtered, “What?”

“I … caught some photos of you two. Hard to hide when you’re ten feet tall, dude.”

Damn magazine. “It’s …” Jared was going to say it was nothing. But then he stopped. He wanted to understand what Jensen was really asking and if it really was what the other man wanted. He carefully measured what he said. “We went out a few times.” He took another swallow and met Jensen’s eyes. “How about you? Did you get to … have some fun in L.A.?”

“Yeah. I, well, with Kane, you know. And, um, I met up with old friends.”

Aaron. Jared saw the blonde man stammering in front of him, saying he fucking lost Jensen, when Jen was still so confused. So vulnerable. He fought down the irrational anger. The words were out of his mouth before he could stop himself. “You see Aaron again?”

Jensen dropped his eyes and Jared felt punched. Okay. So Jensen flew here to announce to the fans the show was back. He downed the drink and let out a fake yawn. Being a goddamn actor came in handy for some things.

“I’m beat. Smiled so much thought my face would crack. I’m gonna turn in.”

He got up quickly.

“Jared … I thought … since you …”

“No. Hey. It’s cool. Really. Just like you wanted. Like you said, was only one weekend, right? Which only one of us even remembers.“ So it’s like it didn’t fucking happen. Why did it feel like his heart was breaking all over again?

“What about Genevieve? I thought …”

He stopped to look at Jensen. How was it possible Jensen could be this stupid? “I called her ‘Jen.’ ”

“Huh?” Jensen’s brows furrowed. “I think her friends call her that, I don’t …”

“Jesus Christ, you’re an idiot.”

With a last flustered look, Jared left before his hurt led to anger and then to words he’d never be able to take back.

On to chapter 11
Back to Master Post