Feeling adrift
Been much too long since the last time I posted. I lost the job at Home Depot when a shoplifter knocked me to the ground, breaking a bone, tearing my ACL and the meniscus. I was able to let it heal and decided to try merchandising. I did not like it, but stayed with it until I found another job. I decided I wanted to be outside and that was when I applied to Lowes. It seemed like all I did was slide over from one big box store to another. Not a match made in heaven, but I was able to stay with it, until the end of last year.
All we've been hearing is that breaks are a privilege, not a right. I have found that by the time I hit four hours without a break, I start making mistakes and forgetting things. No fun. There's one head cashier who makes sure no one gets a break and she has the ear of our ASM. I worked there for 6 months before I even found out the name of our store manager. I just don't feel like I belong. Lots of people are unhappy, so I'm not alone. Trying to find something, but it gets harder.
I realized that I've lost my joy. I've felt quite depressed for a while, now. I decided to get back to crocheting and I've become obsessed, again. When I close my eyes, see different types and colors of yarns. I see combinations and textures and wish I could fix them in my brain so I could go back to them, but it fuels me. I'm having trouble reining in my yarn obsession. Now, I have to make the time to keep it up.
I have one afghan that just needs a border. I've finally decided what type of edging to put on it. I'm working on a retro afghan as part of a crochet along. I'm doing another CAL and I'm making an afghan for Camryn. I WILL have a blanket for each of my grandchildren and grandnieces. A coworker wants me to make a capelet for her mother's birthday and I think I finally have the right yarn and patterns to work with.
I've also lost the desire to do much mystery shopping. Seems like the payments are getting less and the requirements are getting higher. I find it hard to make myself do them. I think part of that is the depression. I've decided I'm just going to do the restaurants that I want to eat at. Tomorrow, I take Debbie to The Ranch for lunch. She really liked the food there, but they're too expensive if I'm not getting reimbursed. That will be part of my birthday present to her.
Debbie and I started walking, then illnesses got in the way and now it's the weather. I'm not going to let it stop us, we'll get back to it, but it's hard to walk when it's icy, snowy or rainy.
All we've been hearing is that breaks are a privilege, not a right. I have found that by the time I hit four hours without a break, I start making mistakes and forgetting things. No fun. There's one head cashier who makes sure no one gets a break and she has the ear of our ASM. I worked there for 6 months before I even found out the name of our store manager. I just don't feel like I belong. Lots of people are unhappy, so I'm not alone. Trying to find something, but it gets harder.
I realized that I've lost my joy. I've felt quite depressed for a while, now. I decided to get back to crocheting and I've become obsessed, again. When I close my eyes, see different types and colors of yarns. I see combinations and textures and wish I could fix them in my brain so I could go back to them, but it fuels me. I'm having trouble reining in my yarn obsession. Now, I have to make the time to keep it up.
I have one afghan that just needs a border. I've finally decided what type of edging to put on it. I'm working on a retro afghan as part of a crochet along. I'm doing another CAL and I'm making an afghan for Camryn. I WILL have a blanket for each of my grandchildren and grandnieces. A coworker wants me to make a capelet for her mother's birthday and I think I finally have the right yarn and patterns to work with.
I've also lost the desire to do much mystery shopping. Seems like the payments are getting less and the requirements are getting higher. I find it hard to make myself do them. I think part of that is the depression. I've decided I'm just going to do the restaurants that I want to eat at. Tomorrow, I take Debbie to The Ranch for lunch. She really liked the food there, but they're too expensive if I'm not getting reimbursed. That will be part of my birthday present to her.
Debbie and I started walking, then illnesses got in the way and now it's the weather. I'm not going to let it stop us, we'll get back to it, but it's hard to walk when it's icy, snowy or rainy.