GoArmy.com
Okay, so my boyfriend is seriously considering joining the army. By seriously considering, I mean that he has taken the ASVAB, turned in his Birth Certificate and Social Security Card, gotten a background check, okayed a drug test, scheduled a physical in three weeks and signed all the preliminary papers. All he has to do is talk to his dad. And that's not so much a "what should I do" talk as it is a "Dad I'm going to the army" talk.
So here is why I am confused: Thursday he had an appointment with a recruiter and before that he was seriously undecided. I asked him to get as much information as possible and then let me know what he was going to do. I told him I didn't want a decision, just a decision as to which way he was leaning toward. I told him I'd prefer if he came out 80/20 or 75/25 but I would be more than happy with a 51/49 as to whether or not he was going to do this. I talked to him before the meeting and then he called me around 12 that day and told me he was on his way to the METS in New Orleans to take his ASVAB. Needless to say, I was shocked. Then he called me again around 6 and told me he was on his way to class but for the most part all his beginning stuff was done and he was going to inform his adminstration at school that he would not be returning next semester.
That's when I started to drink. I was folding laundry and downing large quantities of Parrot Bay and juice. Then I left for Hillary's, drank a bottle and a quarter of white wine, finished off Nikki's glass and proceeded to stumble my drunk ass home. Then I called Derak, cried hysterically to him for about half and hour before I started to vomit and finally passed out.
Here are all the very confusing things going on in my head:
1. He is doing an incredible honorable and selfless thing.
2. I KNOW he'll do really well.
3. I want him to go because I know he'll be happier and have a brighter future than staying in DHan like he is now.
4. Who is going to take me places and tell me I'm pretty?
5. Basic(BCT) is 9 weeks long, then if he is lucky after he graduates he can have a weekend pass to be off base, then he starts AIT which, for his job, takes 1-2 years, then he gets assigned. When am I supposed to see/talk to my boyfriend?
6. Its hard enough trying to coordinate with me being in school, I KNOW we will never have any time together.
7. The army doesn't recognize girlfriends, even ones as awesome and sexy as me. They only care about wives.
And here are something what really bother me:
Every time I am home, I ask him to ask me to stay. And sometimes when we are on the phone I ask him to ask me to come home. But he never does either of those things because he says it's not fair to ask me to give up my life for him. But isn't that what he's done by doing this. I mean, Derak and I have been together for a long time. Maybe not a couple but just friends for a while. And we have talked about marriage but usually in the sweet, after sex way. Now it seems more serious a subject. So what now? We get engaged after he finishes BCT and then have a four year engagement? Or do we get married after AIT and then I get assigned with him? Or do we just get married now so that I can go with him to AIT and then his assignment? Or do we break up? Or do I just wait four years as nothing more than his girlfriend?
And, let's face it, I would be MISERABLE being an army wife. You know what army wives do? Nothing! They can get jobs on the base at the stores there. Retail! Are you shitting me? I mean, I knew Derak and I would be together but I when I pictured it in my head it was after I spent a few months dancing on tables at LA bars and jet setting with my closest friends because I had so much Hollywood success. Whenever we talked about the future it was, Derak is going to move where ever Taja wants to. But he just went and changed that really fast.
I'm not selfish. I don't mind making sacrifices for the sake of Derak. I love him so much. But for Christ's sake. He just decided our future for us. Those of you who know me, know that I have a little bit of a problem with not being in control....Just a little bit. And, according to the internet machine, the army does not really allow Tajas to be in charge.
So I have no idea what to do anymore. I love him and I don't want to leave him. And I'm proud of him but I'm sad. And what's the point of working my ass off here in Boston when I am just going to end up fat and preggers on some army base in Bumble Fuck, Egypt with only fat and pregger army wife friends who have nothing to talk about but yesterdays episode of Young and the Restless?
When do I get to be famous if I am in love with him? And when do I get to be happy if I am not with him? And when do I get to have a family if I'm in LA and he's in FuckMyLife-istan?
Seriously, I'm too young to be making these decisions.
The thing that really hurts is that he doesn't even know if he is going to be able to come and see me before he goes. And I haven't told him that I don't know if I can come to his BCT graduation at all.
I'm gonna go eat brunch and drink. This can only end badly.
So here is why I am confused: Thursday he had an appointment with a recruiter and before that he was seriously undecided. I asked him to get as much information as possible and then let me know what he was going to do. I told him I didn't want a decision, just a decision as to which way he was leaning toward. I told him I'd prefer if he came out 80/20 or 75/25 but I would be more than happy with a 51/49 as to whether or not he was going to do this. I talked to him before the meeting and then he called me around 12 that day and told me he was on his way to the METS in New Orleans to take his ASVAB. Needless to say, I was shocked. Then he called me again around 6 and told me he was on his way to class but for the most part all his beginning stuff was done and he was going to inform his adminstration at school that he would not be returning next semester.
That's when I started to drink. I was folding laundry and downing large quantities of Parrot Bay and juice. Then I left for Hillary's, drank a bottle and a quarter of white wine, finished off Nikki's glass and proceeded to stumble my drunk ass home. Then I called Derak, cried hysterically to him for about half and hour before I started to vomit and finally passed out.
Here are all the very confusing things going on in my head:
1. He is doing an incredible honorable and selfless thing.
2. I KNOW he'll do really well.
3. I want him to go because I know he'll be happier and have a brighter future than staying in DHan like he is now.
4. Who is going to take me places and tell me I'm pretty?
5. Basic(BCT) is 9 weeks long, then if he is lucky after he graduates he can have a weekend pass to be off base, then he starts AIT which, for his job, takes 1-2 years, then he gets assigned. When am I supposed to see/talk to my boyfriend?
6. Its hard enough trying to coordinate with me being in school, I KNOW we will never have any time together.
7. The army doesn't recognize girlfriends, even ones as awesome and sexy as me. They only care about wives.
And here are something what really bother me:
Every time I am home, I ask him to ask me to stay. And sometimes when we are on the phone I ask him to ask me to come home. But he never does either of those things because he says it's not fair to ask me to give up my life for him. But isn't that what he's done by doing this. I mean, Derak and I have been together for a long time. Maybe not a couple but just friends for a while. And we have talked about marriage but usually in the sweet, after sex way. Now it seems more serious a subject. So what now? We get engaged after he finishes BCT and then have a four year engagement? Or do we get married after AIT and then I get assigned with him? Or do we just get married now so that I can go with him to AIT and then his assignment? Or do we break up? Or do I just wait four years as nothing more than his girlfriend?
And, let's face it, I would be MISERABLE being an army wife. You know what army wives do? Nothing! They can get jobs on the base at the stores there. Retail! Are you shitting me? I mean, I knew Derak and I would be together but I when I pictured it in my head it was after I spent a few months dancing on tables at LA bars and jet setting with my closest friends because I had so much Hollywood success. Whenever we talked about the future it was, Derak is going to move where ever Taja wants to. But he just went and changed that really fast.
I'm not selfish. I don't mind making sacrifices for the sake of Derak. I love him so much. But for Christ's sake. He just decided our future for us. Those of you who know me, know that I have a little bit of a problem with not being in control....Just a little bit. And, according to the internet machine, the army does not really allow Tajas to be in charge.
So I have no idea what to do anymore. I love him and I don't want to leave him. And I'm proud of him but I'm sad. And what's the point of working my ass off here in Boston when I am just going to end up fat and preggers on some army base in Bumble Fuck, Egypt with only fat and pregger army wife friends who have nothing to talk about but yesterdays episode of Young and the Restless?
When do I get to be famous if I am in love with him? And when do I get to be happy if I am not with him? And when do I get to have a family if I'm in LA and he's in FuckMyLife-istan?
Seriously, I'm too young to be making these decisions.
The thing that really hurts is that he doesn't even know if he is going to be able to come and see me before he goes. And I haven't told him that I don't know if I can come to his BCT graduation at all.
I'm gonna go eat brunch and drink. This can only end badly.