Break, mend and shatter Chapter 7: Into the abyss we all fall
Break, mend and shatter
Disclaimer: The characters and other things from The Vampire Diaries don't belong to me. Credit goes to the rightful owners.
Chapter 7: Into the abyss we all fall
Elena
Some part of me knew this was inevitable-that Katherine would come back to kill me. The same feelings rose up in me when I first saw her picture in Stefan's room, when I first doubted that his love was real. Anger, confusion, fear and paranoia-it all rushed into me, each emotion battling the other.
My vision swam, and everything blurred in front of me, but somehow I knew Damon was watching me. He looked at me with concern but I only focused on the terror in his eyes, followed by the determination to keep it hidden.
"Bonnie," Damon started, without breaking his eye contact with me, "Where's all the magic mumbo jumbo you've been bragging about? Your friend Elena is about to make some stupid choices right about now and I'm not all that sure I can stop her without strapping her down on a chair."
"Keep quiet Damon and let me focus," Bonnie said her mouth set in a thin line
"I just wanted to give you motivation that's all. I don't think you want a lunatic best friend or a dead one at that," he said, one hand moving slowly towards me as if to grab me if I tried to do anything rash
"Stop it!" Bonnie yelled and a surge of energy blasted through the room, holding each of us in place, unable to move or speak.
We could only watch Bonnie as the room darkened and only the flame of the candle in front of her lit our surroundings. In a few seconds, her eyes turned completely pitch-black, hollow and empty as the words that flowed from her lips were harsh and unnatural. Her voice grew louder and stronger, creating a whirlwind that enveloped her until she was lost in it and screams of voices we didn't recognize filled the room.
The noise subsided and only images were left, as if projected, on the white column that surrounded Bonnie.
Jenna.
She was tied to a chair by a window, the sun streaming through it illuminating her. She looked scared but other than that, she seemed okay. We could see someone on the phone, nodding and looking at Jenna hungrily. The man eyed her as he tucked the phone in his pocket, walking towards her with deliberate slowness. He reached out to take her, a silent scream forming on her lips, but his hand burst into flames as he did so. Bonnie yelled something indecipherable and the fire trailed his arm until his entire body was consumed by it, the ashes creating a nest for a necklace that had once protected him from sunlight.
And just as quickly as it started, it was over. I pitched forward from having been kept in place against my will, and Damon caught me before I fell.
He peered at me, a frown on his face, "You okay?"
I nodded still in shock over what I saw, "Was that real?"
Bonnie nodded completely spent as she leaned back on the couch, eyes closed.
"Well, is it just me or did you just bench the vamps in the room. Is that really necessary?" Damon asked, eyes narrowed at Bonnie, "It's daylight outside witch, I need to be immune to it to get to wherever the hell Jenna is being kept."
"I erased the magic from all the stones, except for three-Isobel's, yours and Stefan's." Bonnie said quietly, looking at me, expecting a reaction from me
I just gave her a small smile of gratitude but failed to say more. At least I knew that somehow, wherever he was, Stefan still had some protection on him. Even if I knew it hurt Damon, I couldn't help but be relieved and still worry over his brother.
"So where was that?" Alaric asked, picking up his bag, "Let's get a move on. Sun won't be up forever. They'll get to her eventually. We have to be there before someone figures out how to block the light out from that window."
"Hold on, I still don't trust you all that much Bonnie. I still remember the invention thing you supposedly un-spelled. What if that was all a bunch of special effects and the minute I walk out that door I go poof?" Damon said blocking everyone's way to the door, looking pointedly at Bonnie
"It's not. I won't kill you because as much as I hate to admit it, we need you right now. So breathe easy, but don't get any ideas. Step out of line and you do go poof, as you so nicely put it." Bonnie said scathingly
"Enough, let's go, we don't have time for this!" I said shoving Damon aside.
"Stop." Isobel said, hand on my arm pulling me back, "Excited much? Before you start running off, do you even know where that is? What exactly do you plan on doing when you get there? Showing up and saying hello will get you and everyone else killed. So stop a minute."
"It's a warehouse," Jeremy said, standing beside me, looking pointedly at the hand Isobel had on my arm, "with two ways to get in-front and back. Just one room actually so once we're in, that's basically everyone we need to face then get Jenna out."
"Katherine must have sent five vampires and a witch, a powerful one," Isobel said letting me go and turning to Damon after looking at each of us in turn, "I think it's pretty even."
"Eyes off the humans Isobel, well except Ric, they're on getaway car duty today." Damon said looking directly at me, daring me to disagree
"Whatever, okay, let's go," I said averting my eyes
"Lie better Elena," Damon said taking me by the arm gently so that I would face him, "I'll get her out. I promise."
"Or you'll die trying right?" I said shaking my head, "NO. When will you get it that I'll never listen when it comes to these things? I liked your other suggestion from before, I rescue and you distract."
"How good an actress are you Elena?" Isobel interrupted
"What?" Damon asked, glaring at her
"She can just waltz in there and pretend to be Katherine. Order them to release Jenna and then we go in for the kill. Much, much simpler than your original plan to just drop in unexpected," Isobel said matter-of-factly
"Yes!" I said agreeing with Isobel, "I can do that."
Damon narrowed his eyes and addressed both of us, "Problem, what if she's already there?"
"No, the phone call sounded like she was moving, like in a car. She's on the way, and given her sudden allergy to the sun, she won't make it in time for our pow-wow." Isobel answered
"Look it can be Plan A. I'll try and then if they're not fooled, jump in and save the day. Damon, come on, please." I said
"We'll be right behind her, and we'll be ready to protect her. It's our best shot, Damon. Jenna doesn't have much time." Alaric said
"Their witch is no more than an ordinary human at this point, wherever that warehouse is I turned it into a magical dead spot. He or she will have to come out to work any kind of spell and I'll be ready for it." Bonnie added
Damon made a face, glaring at me before throwing his arms up in the air and closing his eyes briefly, "Fine. You win."
We each made our way as Damon held the door open, he caught me by the arm and held me in place, "Elena, it's too risky."
"You already agreed," I said trying to pull free but he held on, his internal struggle evident in his face
"It's one thing for a human to go inside a roomful of vampires but for you, the one person they were ordered to kill, to do that is suicide. The second they realize you're exactly who they're looking for...you'll be dead before you can blink. I can't watch that Elena, I cannot willingly let that happen." Damon said emphatically, pleading with me with his eyes
"What are you trying to say Damon? That I'm foolish and I have no sense of self-preservation? I don't. Not when it comes to people I care about. Happy? Let's go!" I said trying to shove him away with my other hand
"No," he said taking my other hand and holding it over his heart, "I'm saying, even if you'll hate me for it, if anything happens to you, I'm turning you. I will not lose you."
For a second, my heart stopped. I held my breath and looked into his eyes, searching for the conviction I doubted was there, that he would actually carry it out. I watched him swallow, clench his jaw and open his mouth, then close it again to prevent him from taking back the words.
"I'll hate you for the first fifty years but if you grovel nicely, we can work something out after that." I said watching him closely as the relief became evident in his face and in his sudden embrace. I held him close, letting my own shock wear off that I could accept that life and see it with perfectly clarity with him beside me. For as long as forever could be for a vampire, I knew right then I could take it as long as I was with the man who held me now.
"I'm on the edge of a cliff already. Do you really have to make me look how far I'll fall before you tell me you've actually got me?" Damon whispered
"Yes," I said as a smile tugged on my lips even if it was uncalled for given the circumstances, "Now, let's go."
I tugged on his arm, and he shook his head, rolling his eyes as he usually did, "The things you get me into."
I stood in front of the door, Damon and Isobel crouched low on either side of me, my hand poised to knock but instead, I drew back and kicked it in.
The vampires on the other side were huddled in darkness turned to me sharply, instantly in a defensive stance, relaxing only when they recognized me, well who they thought to be Katherine.
I didn't dare look at Jenna as I entered the room with exaggerated slowness, knowing that if I exchanged a look with my aunt we'd get made.
"How did you get here? Why are you still able to walk in the sun?" said the one who appeared to be the leader of the group. He was visibly angry, betrayal seeping into his tone, but still cautious.
I didn't know what to say so I just raised an eyebrow and stared hard at them, then proceeded to inch closer to Jenna so at least if they figured it out soon, I'll be within the rays streaming in from the window.
"How can we go and make sure they don't get out of that bank alive when they pick up the book, if we can't walk into the sun Katherine?" said one of the vampires, there were four of them, which would make things easier on us.
"They already have it. You already failed," I said, trying to inject as much venom into my words
"What?" said the leader, alarmed, "How can that be?"
"You tell me," I said, facing off with them, blocking Jenna from sight as she was already beginning to call out my real name from behind her gag
He was about to respond when the phone in his pocket rang, surprise clear on his face as he saw the number.
Game over. I backed into the light and watched the vampire's face change as he squinted at me, a malicious gleam in his eye as he told the caller, "She's right here, walked right in. Seems the girl has a death wish. I'll call you when it's over...Katherine."
He said her name with a relish as he ended the call and took a single step towards me as I backed away into the sun.
He wasn't able to take another one. A dark blur had rushed into him pushing him to the far wall, staking him before he even recognized it was Damon.
The other vampires stood on guard as Isobel and Alaric entered the room, while Damon straightened up, a Cheshire cat grin on his face, "Who wants to go next?"
Alaric called out to me, "Get her out of here Elena, we'll handle this."
I nodded even if he couldn't see me and proceeded to free Jenna. I took out the gag from her mouth before moving on to her hands and feet.
"What the hell is going Elena? Why is Damon...why does he look like that?" Jenna said, her voice shaking with fear, `"Is that Isobel?"
"I'll explain later, we just need to get out of here first," I said focusing on the knots, trying not to see how Damon seemed to be struggling with the vampire he was fighting, a sinking feeling settling in my stomach.
I should have known it would never be as easy as it was in that moment. The creeping dread that was warning me wasn't because Damon was in peril. I was.
Isobel was right, there were five of them. The last one was hidden in the dark corner closest to Jenna. She was tiny, crouched down and ready to pounce at me, sure that she would not miss.
All the sounds around me dimmed to a static noise that I tuned out as I look straight into her face, eyes glinting with malicious intent, fangs bared and arms ready to lock me in place. I knew I wouldn't have been able to move fast enough to escape.
I barely heard Jenna scream, "Elena, look out!"
I saw Damon's eyes widen in alarm, his own body pinned against a wall by another vampire, unable to move.
I braced myself for impact but a blur came in between us. The next thing I saw was the grey vampire corpse on the ground, Isobel standing over it then turning to me with a face full of genuine concern.
The split second that Isobel let her guard down, showed her humanity, cost her everything. A scream froze in my throat in horror as her eyes widened and she looked down to see a wooden stake sticking out from her chest, stabbed from behind. Somewhere behind her, Alaric raged and staked the vampire, leaving only Damon with an opponent. But the damage had been done.
She looked at me and tilted her head, offering me a small smile even if the rest of her face was contorted in pain and anguish.
It was as if someone hit the play button the second she finally fell into Alaric's arms, she smiled at him, a real genuine smile, and she reached up one hand to his cheek, "I finally get to die in your arms, like it should have been."
I watched Alaric's tears join with her blood as he cradled her dead body like she was fragile. Jenna had untied the rest of her bonds and tried to coax me off the floor.
But the shock was too intense and I was stuck in that moment when Isobel jumped in front of me, saving me.
I felt my chest heave, rising and falling rapidly, my breathing increasing every second as I continued to mutely look on at Alaric and Isobel. The sense of loss was hovering near the surface but still unwilling to break free. She was practically a stranger and the blood that spilled out of her was no longer the same as the one the coursed through mine. It was borrowed blood, nothing more, yet it rooted me in place as I watched it trace a path to where I was.
I barely felt Jenna release me, nor did I hear Damon telling her he'll take care of this. I was numb even to his touch as he lifted me and sat me down on the chair that Jenna vacated.
"Elena," Damon started softly, using a finger to hold my chin and make me face him, "Elena, look at me."
I turned away and kept watching Alaric whisper words into Isobel's ears, promises that she'll never know.
"Elena!" Damon said sharply, his blue eyes staring intensely into mine when I finally snapped my head in his direction, "We have to go."
"But, we can't leave her..." I started
Alaric looked up and met my eyes, "Go. I'll bury her."
I wanted to say that I'd go with him, that I also wanted to say goodbye but I felt as if I had no right to do so. I let Damon lead me away, bring me to the car and drive me home.
I knew Jenna had questions, that Jeremy and Bonnie were worried with how I was behaving and well, Damon, I knew he was extremely anxious with every moment that I did not speak.
When we got home, I opened the front door and walked quietly up the stairs as if in a trance. I ignored the concerned looks around me and just listened to Bonnie and Jeremy shepherd Jenna into the kitchen, to check how she was, settle down or something.
I didn't care. The only thing I could do was walk straight up to my room, as if maybe that routine would ease the pressure that was building in my chest.
When I entered my room, it was the first thing I saw. Small as the white envelope was, it stood out on my bed, carefully placed on the center. I deliberately took my time to walk towards it and pick it up, as if the delay would somehow give me time to believe it was from anyone but Isobel.
I saw my name written across the middle, in a fine and elegant cursive, unfamiliar and yet somehow, it confirmed my suspicion.
I took a deep breath and opened the letter inside, wishing not for the last time that she could have told me herself what she needed to say.
Elena,
Strange isn't it? How fate plays with us. I gave you up to give you a chance at a normal life, and yet here you are in the middle of all.
If you're reading this, it means I'm dead and was unable to retrieve it to burn to ashes. It means this is our last chance at the truth, so I'll make it count.
I gave you up because I knew my darkness even then. I understood that some part of me was never really right. Having you at a really young age just made it more sensible to give you up and not drag you down with me. That was my first and biggest mistake. I should have tried Elena because maybe, just maybe, you could have pulled me out of that dark place. I'm sorry.
I was cruel to you when I came back the first time. I needed to be. So that you wouldn't learn to care for me, and you'd never have to mourn another parent again. And also, so you wouldn't feel betrayed to know that I agreed to that plan so that invention would kill Stefan and Damon. I never wanted this life for you and at the time, it made sense to save you from it.
This time, I came back to save you and since you're holding this in your hands, it means somehow I succeeded. Katherine asked me to feed you all those stories about the book and be her eyes in your house. I agreed, with every intent to do otherwise.
Because I'm not completely gone and somewhere in me is the girl who held you as a baby for just thirty seconds, promising you that she will love you somehow. I do. You're my daughter, even if you disagree, and that means whatever I become, I will love you. And I'll always find ways to protect you.
Elena, Katherine wants you dead. I'm sure by now you know that but I need you to understand exactly how grave the danger you are in, including everyone you love. She will not be satisfied by just killing you-she will torture you, play mind games with you until you beg for her to just kill you to end it all.
And this is where I tell you my second mistake-telling you that you're doomed with the Salvatore brothers in each arm. Keep Damon in your life. Whatever it takes, for however long you can. He's the only one I can trust with your life, even if I have no right to choose or say that.
I meant what I said-he's in love with you. You both know that. But it's not enough. He has to know, Elena, that you love him too. You don't have time to lie about it, feel guilt that you still have feelings for Stefan, and pretend that he's not the one who keeps you from falling into that abyss. Don't be too proud to think he's beneath you because of all the evil he's done. We're all imperfect, us vampires more so than the rest, but not impossible to forgive. Damon deserves that chance, we both know that.
He's not broken anymore, Elena, I hope you see that. When I first met him, when I asked him to turn me, he was empty and was wasted on Katherine. But when I saw you walk up to your house with him, I saw a man not a monster. You never knew how evil he was, and I wish you never have to see that, so you don't know how shocking it is to watch him in your life.
Don't make my mistakes, Elena. Let those regrets die with me. Alaric, he tried and he almost succeeded in keeping me from falling, had I not been foolish enough to believe I was still alone. I pushed him away and chose this. My only consolation is that he's moving on, and I think he's found someone worthy, with less baggage and can give him that normal life I never could.
I'm not saying he's strong enough to fight Katherine. He's not and I won't lie about that. But he's going to be enough to give you reason to keep trying to live, with or without that threat in your life. And whether or not you choose that life to be longer than necessary, I leave to you to know what's right for you when the time comes to make that choice.
Look in the mirror, you're no longer lost or confused. You bear the scars of what you've gone through, that much is true, but they no longer hold you back, not like when I first met you. I'm sorry I gave you up, but I'm not sorry doing that allowed you to become someone I'm proud to call my daughter.
And now I say goodbye. Tell Ric, it's okay to move on. It's time to let me go. I'll always love him but there's nothing to hold on to now, not even memories.
Tell Damon everything I just told you, when you're ready.
Lastly, Elena, I love you. Even if my way of showing it was unconventional and unnatural, know the intent behind it was always to keep you safe. I cannot watch over you anymore. I regret I never got to hug you, laugh with you and just get to know you. I'll carry that burden with me in death. I hope that someday, you can forgive me and accept that I do love you.
Isobel
I let the paper flutter on my mattress as I hugged my knees to myself. I don't know when he got there but Damon held me as I rocked back in forth, the dam breaking and releasing the tears that refused to fall earlier.
I turned to him and buried my face in his chest, trying to find something in his comfort to anchor me and keep me from losing myself to the grief. Somehow, even if I never truly knew her, I mourned her loss. I wept for the lost chances to make things right between us, because somewhere in me, I believed that she did love me.
Damon kept his arms around me, stroking my back to comfort me, his face reflecting the pain that tore me inside. It was a long time before silence took over the room and my sobbing quieted down to small hiccups, until I fell asleep in his arms.
I don't know how long my dreamless sleep lasted or exactly how much time I spent just watching Damon, his eyes closed beside me with one arm protectively around me.
I stared at him, knowing that beneath his calm façade right now was a dormant monster, one he struggled with everyday that he let out his humanity. I know that beneath this exterior is the desire to shut off all feeling and live according to instinct.
It was then that he did love me. It was in that moment I understood the depth of what he felt for me because I knew the choices he made each day to be in my life. It was then I knew why I felt the same way.
He is my freedom. He is my honesty, because he sees my own darkness and saves me from it. He makes me see life as it is, the need to balance walking in the sun and dreaming in the shadows. He is my normal, that even in the middle of all the insanity I feel like the earth still spins the right way and somehow find reason to believe, to hope.
I placed my hand over his chest, where his heart should be, and whispered, "I love you."
"I know." Damon said, eyes closed, face impassive
"I just needed you to know." I said.
"I know," he repeated, placing his other hand over mine, a smile breaking slowly on his face, eyes still closed, "anything else?"
"No, that's it. I love you." I said again before closing my eyes and resting my head on his chest.
"I said it first," he whispered
"I know," I said
"I love you, Elena."
"I know."