Before things change: The Sun sets with you
The Sun sets with you
Disclaimer: The characters and other things from The Chronicles of Narnia don’t belong to me (sadly). Credit goes to those who do own them.
She wasn’t used to this view of the world and she was unsure if she would ever see it the way he did. Every step she made was cautious and she never felt wholly at peace. The view was magnificent from the balcony where she stood but it seemed so foreign to her even if she had seen this a thousand times over in her dreams. In the back of her mind, the view would always be more spectacular from her father’s perch in the sky.
She released a long sigh and closed her eyes, lifting her face to the sun, letting its light wash over her. This was her destiny; she understood that since she was a little girl. She had known he would come and that someday she would be his queen. Her only mistake was that she assumed his love would come with it.
She forced her eyes open. The glare of the sunlight made her squint as her vision adjusted. She watched as the man on a black horse sped away from the castle until he turned into a mere speck of dust on the horizon. Everything seemed so much sharper on this side of the world-bright, harsh and beautiful all at once. Just like its king.
Caspian was striking and handsome, just what one would imagine a king would be. To a girl who descended from the stars, his beauty rivaled the allure of the night sky. His presence had the power to inspire her and give her the courage to leave the only home she had always known. She loved him enough to brave being the center of attention when in her heart she will always be the girl from the edge of the world.
And yet, she feared him. It was not because he was violent or because somewhere inside him, a great evil lurked. She was afraid that one day his honesty would win out and her heart would be shattered in the aftermath. She knew she would be powerless when the day came that he admitted he loved the Gentle Queen of Narnia.
She wanted to run after him and leave behind the organized chaos of her new life. She wanted it to just be the two of them and maybe she could help him forget her. She imagined a simple life, away from it all and no mention of the past. They would be a family and she would want for nothing more.
She bit her lip and fought the tears that were coming. She sighed again as she accepted that it was only a fantasy doomed to die when the king returned smiling but eyes void of any real love for her. Time would come and go, she would die and be forgotten by Narnia, but his heart will beat only for her.
It would matter little that she stood by his side as he ruled his kingdom, for she never fought by his side the way she did. Her touch may be reassuring but it would never be the hand that fit into his perfectly. She can do all the right things but in the end, no one would even bother to remember her name. She will forever be the daughter of the star who married their king, and simply nothing more. Ramandu’s daughter, they would call her, unlike the queen who would forever be revered in many names but most importantly as the queen that was Caspian’s true love.
But as clear as the morning before her, she knew that these feelings were inconsequential, even to her. She knew that when he returned, she will be waiting by the gates, her arms outstretched and she would smile so wide it would hurt. Her love for him only knew how to grow and she refused to stop it. The pain of not being part of his life would rip her apart and she did not care to find out if she can live through that.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Inhale.
Exhale.
‘Just breathe. Just breathe,’she repeated to herself silently
She focused on breathing as she tried to block out something that had been nagging her since she accepted Caspian loved another woman. Her love for him had evolved enough that she had considered sacrificing her own happiness. It was enough for her to consider sharing with him a secret she held since she was a child.
She put her hand to her chest and fiddled with a key dangling from a gold chain, feeling the cold metal against her skin.
Ramandu placed his young daughter on his lap and asked her to open her hands.
“Daughter,” he began as he placed a small necklace on her palm, “You must keep this with you always. It has been passed down for many generations and now it is yours.”
The young girl held up the necklace, looking curiously at the small key dangling from it. It was captivating and the longer she stared at it the more attracted she was to it. Ramandu saw this and gently took the necklace and placed it around her neck. His daughter immediately wanted to run off to find a mirror so she could see her reflection as she wore her new trinket proudly but Ramandu held her tight.
“There is a warning that comes with this gift. Do not let anyone know you have it,” he said.
“But why father?” the girl asked innocently
Ramandu stared directly into his daughter’s eyes and tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. “It is no ordinary key that I gave you. Do you remember the dreams you have been telling me about? The visions you had about a world so unlike ours, a place filled with hope, happiness, chaos and failure?”
The little girl nodded as fear clouded her eyes as she recalled the vivid dreams she had. She buried her face in her father’s robes but he held her firmly in front of him and put a finger under her chin to make her look at him.
“This necklace holds the key to that world. The road to those gates is perilous for it is not meant to be taken. Safe passage between our worlds is possible in many, many different ways but these paths move and are never predictable for only fate opens them and seals them. There is but one that is permanent and can be opened by mortals-that is the use of this key. I pray you will never need to use it.”
A single tear fell from her eyes, as she remembered her father. She clutched tighter at her necklace and closed her eyes.
“Father, you were wrong,” she whispered, “that door will not be opened by my mortal hand alone because fate has brought me to this life and this love that I cannot escape.”
He would never ask it from her even if he knew that they key to his happiness was in her hands. Caspian was honorable and would never ask her to sacrifice her own dignity and pride to give him his life’s happiness. And yet, it was for this very reason that she considered finding a way for him.
From the recesses of her mind, she pulled at stories and legends, piecing them together, fighting to be numb to the pain that threatened to pull her away from the task. She stood in silence, eyes closed in concentration, as she tried to find answers. Hours passed as she stayed in a trance, oblivious to the rest of the world.
The sun was setting when she finally opened her eyes, exhausted and nauseous from the effort. The key on her neck felt heavy as she realized that in the end, whatever she chooses to do, one of them will have a broken heart.
“Madam, it will be cold soon, you must get inside, “said one of her appointed ladies in waiting, interrupting her train of thought.
She nodded silently and turned to go but she stole another look at the red horizon, the first stars peeking out of the darkening sky.
“Did you know Queen Susan?” she asked quietly.
Her companion nodded and looked away, avoiding the eyes of her future queen.
“Do you believe they’ll ever be together again?” she asked without identifying who she was referring to.
“Madam,” the lady replied gently, “I wish to be honest but it may not be the answer you want to hear as his betrothed. If you had seen them together, even just once, then you will understand that in this life things had been against them. It was never their destiny to fall in love. They lived in different worlds and different times but somehow they found a way. He saved her life only to find her torn from this world, never to return again.” The lady took a deep breath before she continued, “Yes, I believe they’ll be together again. Maybe not now, maybe not tomorrow but I have no doubt that in the end of time, in Aslan’s country, these star-crossed lovers will meet again.”
“Thank you for your honesty. I will follow but I wish to stay outside a little longer,” she replied and the lady bowed and left.
She pulled out a thin envelope containing two sheets of paper inside, a guide and a farewell. She read everything again, as if she had not memorized every word, making sure that it was perfectly accurate as to her memories of the way.
With a deep breath, she yanked the chain of her necklace and placed the key inside the envelope and sealed it. She walked to his door and tucked the letter safely under his door.
She placed a hand on a door for support; half wishing she could take it all back. “I hope he’s worth it. For our sake, I hope she still loves you.”
With a final look at the closed door, she walked away and never looked back.
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