Hetalia Asylum (TS3), part 3 (days 8-12)
Can I cite real life as the reason I've been away for so long? I was in St Petersburg and then I had state exams and then I graduated from school and then I was applying to various universities (ok, two of them, but that's not the point)... well, you get the picture.
When I left last time, Korea was on a date with Romano. As you can see, it's still in progress.
Aww look, a shared trait. How sweet.
But Korea was already about to drop from exhaustion, so I had to send her home.
Home, where... what is this I don't even
Moving swiftly on.
No, Austria, it's not the poor inanimate object's fault that you can't figure out how to use it properly. Leave it alone.
Speaking of inanimate objects, the TV set is still broken. This time, it's affecting everybody, not just Prussia. They just sit around for hours on end, reading the same books again and again.
Except, of course, for Austria, who only knows one form of entertainment.
I don't even need to point it out, do I.
"Have you heard the latest news?"
"What news?"
"Korea's been dumped! What a loser!"
Wait, what?
Oh the irony of being thwarted by your own ship...
To console Korea myself, I broke another rule and bought this beauty. Of course, it's more for my entertainment than theirs, because they never use it.
Oh, and I moved it into the dining room later on so that it won't wake up those who need to nap on the couch.
Witness now the runner-up for the Most Potty Failures award.
Belarus' sister promptly passes out. Failure seems to be running in that family.
...yup, it runs miles and miles and wins marathons. Here, the Bloody Stupid Injury award goes to their brother.
Seriously, Russia, what the bleeding hell were you doing to make the rug explode in your face? Unless, of course, it was hanging on the wall, which actually makes sense as it's Russia we're talking about.
Witness also this account of astonishing stupidity. What is even their deal?
PS Ivanna is a name that exists. I know an actual person called that. It's also the proper female equivalent of Ivan. So there.
But let's get back to out sheep.
"For goodness' sake, China, Austria will be here soon! Is it so damn hard to move a few inches and let me clean the stupid toilet?"
"But I can't leave, I have an appointment with Italy in a few minutes!"
China did leave eventually, but...
..others replaced her.
"The bathroom is not where you come to chat, what is wrong with you all?"
You all know where this is heading.
*weeps*
Italy, she's been soaked in stale piss for three weeks now!
"Can't see why that would stop me."
...Yeah, me neither. I say you nutjobs deserve each other.
"Dun dun dun dun..."
Everyone can see you, you know.
"Dun dun dun dun..."
China can see you. And hear you.
"DUN DUN DUN DUN!"
"Oh dear me, I sure did not see this coming!"
Why do I even bother?
"I dunno, Korea, I mean it's not that I don't believe you and your predictions, but..."
"Oh come on! Do I look like a fraud to you? *eye twitch*"
"Fine, fine, if you insist..."
For reasons I can't quite fathom, this has been a standart reaction from all of Korea's readees (is that even a word).
"I can't say I'm all that impressed with her work, to be honest..."
Shut up, Spain. I'm happy for you and Romano, but there's no need to rub it in.
"Hey, I just want to make my point clear. I'm prepared to fight for her, you know."
Korea, do you care?
"hwah?"
About Romano ditching you like that.
"...Romano who?"
See, Spain? Nobody cares. Now get off the damn lawn before I sic Belarus on you.
After all, as we all know, there's no force more dangerous than a woman who showers fully clothed.
"Life is so unfair! First they take all the beds, leaving me with nothing but the couch to sleep on while they're all perfectly aware that I'm the only one who has a job around here, and now they won't let me have my breakfast in peace! This isn't the kind of life I'm used to and this sure as fuck isn't the kind of life that encourages career growth!"
"Fucking great, now I'm stuck in here between a raging douchebag, a whiny baby, and an idiot. Where's a decent meat cleaver when you need one?"
I don't know, I've been asking the same question from day one.
"Well, if there aren't any cleavers around here, I have no reason to live."
You'll get over it. Now go and find yourself a bed, there's a good girl.
"I have a cunning plan to put Austria out of her misery."
Yes! Upgrading the toilet to Self-Cleaning sure sounds like a good plan.
"If only I could figure out how to use this weird metal thingy..."
*sigh* She never did manage to upgrade it.
"Did you get the memo? My other self is dreamy."
Yes, sweetie, I heard you the first time.
"I have this nagging feeling I'm doing something wrong, but I can't quite figure out what..."
*sigh*
And yes, Austria, I can see you there in the background, holding your nose like the biggest hypocrite to ever walk this earth.
"So, uh, I heard you like trees..."
"As a matter of fact, yes, I do! I didn't expect you'd remember this, wow, that's very sweet of you."
"Eheheh, score."
Look, I don't know, OK. I can never think of anything that works as dialogue for Prussia. It's one of these things that haunt me every time I try to write captions for pictures that include him. So let's pretend I've inserted some boring, half-arsed insult here and be done with it.
Prussia always, always ruins other people's conversations, though.
"Oi, Italy was the one who came in here stinking the place while me and China were talking like civilised people! I mean, holy fuck, talk about unfair."
I am going to pretend I didn't pretend to hear that.
Bon appetit, Belarus.
"This is a story about 8 people trapped in an abandoned house - just like this one..."
"Oh wow, what an original beginning to a story. I'm not yawning here at all, no siree."
"Do you want the first victim to be that one girl who had a bit of a potty problem?"
"OK, OK, shutting up now, geez."
"Sweet Lord, tell me you're not eating this."
"Sure as fuck am!"
"But.. but.. look, it's even got some chewed-up gum on it! Not even you can be this stupid!"
"You wanna bet?"
"Oh dear Jesus, the humanity, I can't bear to watch"
Coddammit, Austria, how many times do I have to repeat this? You. Have. No. Right. To. Complain.
Meanwhile, Italy continues to be a semi-competent painter. Good for her.
This piece of shit, though. This is it. I can't. I've lost the ability to can.
We've finally reached that part of the update where I cry sad little tears because I can't remember what's going on here at all. Like, absolutely. The memories have vanished from my head. Why did I think it was a good idea to take this picture? Is it because Prussia has grown some semblance of caring for the condition of the place he lives in? Is it because Ukraine is cooking something? Why are the walls down? What is wrong with me??
...I think it's past time I moved on to the next picture.
"YOU."
"What have I done now?"
"Exist! You and your workaholic tendencies, always making us lazy people look bad, humph!"
"Well, I suppose I do put a bit more of an effort into cleaning this house than the rest of us..."
China, China, China. Are you seriously going to take life advice from this woman?
She thinks she's a horse, China. She whinnies. Whinnies.
Oh wow, look who's here! Are you feeling guilty about that date and ditch thing, perhaps?
"Um, no, my sister lives here, you blundering moron."
Oh. Right. Of course.
"Holy mackerel, Belarus, look who's here! My fucking big sister, that's who! Yoooo!"
"On second note, forget I was ever here. This person and I are not related. I will be leaving now."
I suppose a visitor is too much excitement for Japan to handle.
Oh no, Prussia D:
Eleven days you've maintained your status as the only uncontrollable who hasn't motive failed, why you gotta disappoint me like that now :C
The next morning Korea invited someone - NyoBelarus ?? fuck me if I know - over and I'll be damned if I remember why.
Oh, right, it was for a bit of a snog, apparently. Why that was needed still eludes me. (She probably just rolled some stupid wish and I stupidly accepted. Sounds about right.)
And then they went on a date?? I'm still baffled by all this, what is going on
ooookay, I really hope this is just some pick-up line Korea coughed up and not actually her asking him to go steady because what
"When I play, I play for me! I don't need your charity!"
Go home to your wife, Spain.
I will leave this here as an end to this mess of an update.
Except it's not an end at all and there's some more notifications and stuff that I stuck here because I wouldn't be able to recall when they actually happened if my life depended on it.
Firstly, some more potty failures that I missed on camera.
Secondly, the two promotions Korea managed to squeeze out.
Lastly, does anyone 'round here still remember that time Korea met NyoEngland and she went all 'eww, fortune tellers' at her? Well, guess who showed up on Korea's Work Acquaintances relationship panel not two days after that.
Yup.
When I left last time, Korea was on a date with Romano. As you can see, it's still in progress.
Aww look, a shared trait. How sweet.
But Korea was already about to drop from exhaustion, so I had to send her home.
Home, where... what is this I don't even
Moving swiftly on.
No, Austria, it's not the poor inanimate object's fault that you can't figure out how to use it properly. Leave it alone.
Speaking of inanimate objects, the TV set is still broken. This time, it's affecting everybody, not just Prussia. They just sit around for hours on end, reading the same books again and again.
Except, of course, for Austria, who only knows one form of entertainment.
I don't even need to point it out, do I.
"Have you heard the latest news?"
"What news?"
"Korea's been dumped! What a loser!"
Wait, what?
Oh the irony of being thwarted by your own ship...
To console Korea myself, I broke another rule and bought this beauty. Of course, it's more for my entertainment than theirs, because they never use it.
Oh, and I moved it into the dining room later on so that it won't wake up those who need to nap on the couch.
Witness now the runner-up for the Most Potty Failures award.
Belarus' sister promptly passes out. Failure seems to be running in that family.
...yup, it runs miles and miles and wins marathons. Here, the Bloody Stupid Injury award goes to their brother.
Seriously, Russia, what the bleeding hell were you doing to make the rug explode in your face? Unless, of course, it was hanging on the wall, which actually makes sense as it's Russia we're talking about.
Witness also this account of astonishing stupidity. What is even their deal?
PS Ivanna is a name that exists. I know an actual person called that. It's also the proper female equivalent of Ivan. So there.
But let's get back to out sheep.
"For goodness' sake, China, Austria will be here soon! Is it so damn hard to move a few inches and let me clean the stupid toilet?"
"But I can't leave, I have an appointment with Italy in a few minutes!"
China did leave eventually, but...
..others replaced her.
"The bathroom is not where you come to chat, what is wrong with you all?"
You all know where this is heading.
*weeps*
Italy, she's been soaked in stale piss for three weeks now!
"Can't see why that would stop me."
...Yeah, me neither. I say you nutjobs deserve each other.
"Dun dun dun dun..."
Everyone can see you, you know.
"Dun dun dun dun..."
China can see you. And hear you.
"DUN DUN DUN DUN!"
"Oh dear me, I sure did not see this coming!"
Why do I even bother?
"I dunno, Korea, I mean it's not that I don't believe you and your predictions, but..."
"Oh come on! Do I look like a fraud to you? *eye twitch*"
"Fine, fine, if you insist..."
For reasons I can't quite fathom, this has been a standart reaction from all of Korea's readees (is that even a word).
"I can't say I'm all that impressed with her work, to be honest..."
Shut up, Spain. I'm happy for you and Romano, but there's no need to rub it in.
"Hey, I just want to make my point clear. I'm prepared to fight for her, you know."
Korea, do you care?
"hwah?"
About Romano ditching you like that.
"...Romano who?"
See, Spain? Nobody cares. Now get off the damn lawn before I sic Belarus on you.
After all, as we all know, there's no force more dangerous than a woman who showers fully clothed.
"Life is so unfair! First they take all the beds, leaving me with nothing but the couch to sleep on while they're all perfectly aware that I'm the only one who has a job around here, and now they won't let me have my breakfast in peace! This isn't the kind of life I'm used to and this sure as fuck isn't the kind of life that encourages career growth!"
"Fucking great, now I'm stuck in here between a raging douchebag, a whiny baby, and an idiot. Where's a decent meat cleaver when you need one?"
I don't know, I've been asking the same question from day one.
"Well, if there aren't any cleavers around here, I have no reason to live."
You'll get over it. Now go and find yourself a bed, there's a good girl.
"I have a cunning plan to put Austria out of her misery."
Yes! Upgrading the toilet to Self-Cleaning sure sounds like a good plan.
"If only I could figure out how to use this weird metal thingy..."
*sigh* She never did manage to upgrade it.
"Did you get the memo? My other self is dreamy."
Yes, sweetie, I heard you the first time.
"I have this nagging feeling I'm doing something wrong, but I can't quite figure out what..."
*sigh*
And yes, Austria, I can see you there in the background, holding your nose like the biggest hypocrite to ever walk this earth.
"So, uh, I heard you like trees..."
"As a matter of fact, yes, I do! I didn't expect you'd remember this, wow, that's very sweet of you."
"Eheheh, score."
Look, I don't know, OK. I can never think of anything that works as dialogue for Prussia. It's one of these things that haunt me every time I try to write captions for pictures that include him. So let's pretend I've inserted some boring, half-arsed insult here and be done with it.
Prussia always, always ruins other people's conversations, though.
"Oi, Italy was the one who came in here stinking the place while me and China were talking like civilised people! I mean, holy fuck, talk about unfair."
I am going to pretend I didn't pretend to hear that.
Bon appetit, Belarus.
"This is a story about 8 people trapped in an abandoned house - just like this one..."
"Oh wow, what an original beginning to a story. I'm not yawning here at all, no siree."
"Do you want the first victim to be that one girl who had a bit of a potty problem?"
"OK, OK, shutting up now, geez."
"Sweet Lord, tell me you're not eating this."
"Sure as fuck am!"
"But.. but.. look, it's even got some chewed-up gum on it! Not even you can be this stupid!"
"You wanna bet?"
"Oh dear Jesus, the humanity, I can't bear to watch"
Coddammit, Austria, how many times do I have to repeat this? You. Have. No. Right. To. Complain.
Meanwhile, Italy continues to be a semi-competent painter. Good for her.
This piece of shit, though. This is it. I can't. I've lost the ability to can.
We've finally reached that part of the update where I cry sad little tears because I can't remember what's going on here at all. Like, absolutely. The memories have vanished from my head. Why did I think it was a good idea to take this picture? Is it because Prussia has grown some semblance of caring for the condition of the place he lives in? Is it because Ukraine is cooking something? Why are the walls down? What is wrong with me??
...I think it's past time I moved on to the next picture.
"YOU."
"What have I done now?"
"Exist! You and your workaholic tendencies, always making us lazy people look bad, humph!"
"Well, I suppose I do put a bit more of an effort into cleaning this house than the rest of us..."
China, China, China. Are you seriously going to take life advice from this woman?
She thinks she's a horse, China. She whinnies. Whinnies.
Oh wow, look who's here! Are you feeling guilty about that date and ditch thing, perhaps?
"Um, no, my sister lives here, you blundering moron."
Oh. Right. Of course.
"Holy mackerel, Belarus, look who's here! My fucking big sister, that's who! Yoooo!"
"On second note, forget I was ever here. This person and I are not related. I will be leaving now."
I suppose a visitor is too much excitement for Japan to handle.
Oh no, Prussia D:
Eleven days you've maintained your status as the only uncontrollable who hasn't motive failed, why you gotta disappoint me like that now :C
The next morning Korea invited someone - NyoBelarus ?? fuck me if I know - over and I'll be damned if I remember why.
Oh, right, it was for a bit of a snog, apparently. Why that was needed still eludes me. (She probably just rolled some stupid wish and I stupidly accepted. Sounds about right.)
And then they went on a date?? I'm still baffled by all this, what is going on
ooookay, I really hope this is just some pick-up line Korea coughed up and not actually her asking him to go steady because what
"When I play, I play for me! I don't need your charity!"
Go home to your wife, Spain.
I will leave this here as an end to this mess of an update.
Except it's not an end at all and there's some more notifications and stuff that I stuck here because I wouldn't be able to recall when they actually happened if my life depended on it.
Firstly, some more potty failures that I missed on camera.
Secondly, the two promotions Korea managed to squeeze out.
Lastly, does anyone 'round here still remember that time Korea met NyoEngland and she went all 'eww, fortune tellers' at her? Well, guess who showed up on Korea's Work Acquaintances relationship panel not two days after that.
Yup.