like circle
two days ago i got email from a stranger. it was written "well well well...in this slough full of pornography, p2p and annoying banners, i finally found you. thanks god for creators of google.com" it was written in lithuanian. i got so confused bc i didnt know what a hell it is about and who sent it. but i had this strange feeling that one guy, friend from past might have sent it to me.
he is kinda interesting person. i know him since i was 15. we were pen pals, he was living in a small town, i lived in a city. we had much to talk about and one day we met. after that we didnt communicate for some time. then he found me again and we wrote letters to each other again. during those 3 years we had long breaks of not communicating at all. our ways separate all the time. last year he came to my city to study in university. we met again and he told me that he likes me more than just a friend.. i didnt feel the same about him. knowing my temper and complicated character, we had a fight and i literally said him to fuck off. after about half a year he sent me an sms again then i didnt know that it was him bc i didnt have his number no longer. but after few days i found out that it was him. it was last spring. we met. i found out that he never forgot me and that he missed me. during that time he got into a lot of troubles (like always) and he asked me to explain him why i wanted him to fuck off. i couldnt explain. but i dont regret what i told him back then, i really felt like it and he knows that. he said that im dificoult person and that's why he likes me...
we never communicated the same way in reality like we did by letters or emails. i was surprised how we didnt have what to say to each other when we could talk in person. but he is interesting and deep person, i dont say that it was all virtual thing.. its just..i dunno.. i dont understand why we keep coming back together over and over again while we both know what will gonna happen.. i dont like him like a guy and he likes me like a girl but we both know that NOTHING will happen between us. acctually we cant even be close friends. we are just i dunno.. there is strange bond between us and we can be far away from each other or even very close but not staying in touch but we still think about each other from time to time. the mean thing im wondering about him when i dont see him is "is he alive?is he in lithuania? is he ok?" and thats it.
so
i was told by my other friend that my penpal who i will call Seimour from now (its his nickname)shows up to my favourite pub every week, but i never see him there. that friend told me that he is dating her friend and that girl is madly in love with him but he is not very good boyfriend. well, i know him pretty well and i know what to expect from him. he is almost real alcoholic, he has bad temper too, he isnt that sweet boy who you would want to show to your mum. so my friend told me that one night Seimour's girlfriend was very upset when he was somewhere around pub and very drunk. my friend wanted to help that girl and she told her that Seimour is like that, nobody can change him. my friend knows Seimour from me. i introduced him to her last year and he knows about him pretty much bc i was telling her much about our friendship and she got to know erything about him with her own eyes when i introduced him to her. so my friend and Seimour's girlfriend talked a bit and Seimour's girlfriend told something to my friend that Seimour mentioned ME to her several times. and i can imagine Seimour being drunk and telling something to his girlfriend about me.. my friend told me that Seimour's girlfriend got very upset talking about me (to note, i dont know Seimour's girlfriend at all, never seen her and dont know anything about her).. this could mean that she already knows much about me from Seimour. that girl loves Seimour and he seems like he still thinks about me...
so back to that strange email..
i replyed to it asking who is writing. and got the answer. i was right. it was Seimour. and i even know how he found my new email address in internet.. gosh.. so he said that he was serching web and trying to find me and that someone stold his wallet and mobile phone in the summer so he doesnt have my contcts anymore. but this is very very strange bc it is happening over and over again.. we say goodbye and after a half or a year he finds me again. this is since i met him when i was 15.. 3 years the same thing. its rather strange than funny now..
i asked him whats going on in his life and i told him that its strange how we pass by knowing that we both go to the same pub. he said that he is working (he took academical holidays in his uni last winter) and that he is trying to control his bad habits. and yes, he said "much, really much happened". and strange is that i dont even want to know what happened to him bc i already can say every damn thing. i know him so well that its not interesting anymore. i do care about him and i wish that someday he will take his life into his hands and stop wasting his life. and its funny what kind of girls he chooses to date. haha we have talked with him about this and he admits that all his girls are little naive angelic girls who are so different from him and its funny how he keep doing the same thing to every each of them. i cant even understand why they fall in love with him. i have told him that i dont like such people who choose weak people to feel stronger around them. i dont say that he is doing that but he got my point and he admitted that he never was happy with those naive girls. and funny is that he likes ME.. he likes me but he dates completely different girls than me.. this is sooo funny. and i just wonder what he wants from me. we cant functionate like friends, like pals and i dont even mention that we cant be a couple. our friendship is just weirdest thing i have.
so yeah. i just hate this feeling that there is no end to these same things. this is so fucking same whole 3 years.. and now.. what can i tell him? last time i met him was i guess in the beginning of summer and even then i didnt tell him much about myself and i couldnt tell him much bc then i havent been talking to him for 6 months. and now.. i dont know how could i talk to him openly. yes, i can talk random things but i dont feel close enought to talk about my personal things. and for that reason i dont want to meet him. i will feel uncomfortable, bc meeting person who you know for 3 years and you know him really really well and so does he and you meet such person and dont have what to talk about. this is most uncomfortable thing. and i cant pretend its ok bc i know him too well. i can spend with random person fun meaningless time, but somehow i cant do that with him.
so yeah this is pretty strange and its like story with no end, when everything keeps repeating and repeating and nothing changes. its like circle...
he is kinda interesting person. i know him since i was 15. we were pen pals, he was living in a small town, i lived in a city. we had much to talk about and one day we met. after that we didnt communicate for some time. then he found me again and we wrote letters to each other again. during those 3 years we had long breaks of not communicating at all. our ways separate all the time. last year he came to my city to study in university. we met again and he told me that he likes me more than just a friend.. i didnt feel the same about him. knowing my temper and complicated character, we had a fight and i literally said him to fuck off. after about half a year he sent me an sms again then i didnt know that it was him bc i didnt have his number no longer. but after few days i found out that it was him. it was last spring. we met. i found out that he never forgot me and that he missed me. during that time he got into a lot of troubles (like always) and he asked me to explain him why i wanted him to fuck off. i couldnt explain. but i dont regret what i told him back then, i really felt like it and he knows that. he said that im dificoult person and that's why he likes me...
we never communicated the same way in reality like we did by letters or emails. i was surprised how we didnt have what to say to each other when we could talk in person. but he is interesting and deep person, i dont say that it was all virtual thing.. its just..i dunno.. i dont understand why we keep coming back together over and over again while we both know what will gonna happen.. i dont like him like a guy and he likes me like a girl but we both know that NOTHING will happen between us. acctually we cant even be close friends. we are just i dunno.. there is strange bond between us and we can be far away from each other or even very close but not staying in touch but we still think about each other from time to time. the mean thing im wondering about him when i dont see him is "is he alive?is he in lithuania? is he ok?" and thats it.
so
i was told by my other friend that my penpal who i will call Seimour from now (its his nickname)shows up to my favourite pub every week, but i never see him there. that friend told me that he is dating her friend and that girl is madly in love with him but he is not very good boyfriend. well, i know him pretty well and i know what to expect from him. he is almost real alcoholic, he has bad temper too, he isnt that sweet boy who you would want to show to your mum. so my friend told me that one night Seimour's girlfriend was very upset when he was somewhere around pub and very drunk. my friend wanted to help that girl and she told her that Seimour is like that, nobody can change him. my friend knows Seimour from me. i introduced him to her last year and he knows about him pretty much bc i was telling her much about our friendship and she got to know erything about him with her own eyes when i introduced him to her. so my friend and Seimour's girlfriend talked a bit and Seimour's girlfriend told something to my friend that Seimour mentioned ME to her several times. and i can imagine Seimour being drunk and telling something to his girlfriend about me.. my friend told me that Seimour's girlfriend got very upset talking about me (to note, i dont know Seimour's girlfriend at all, never seen her and dont know anything about her).. this could mean that she already knows much about me from Seimour. that girl loves Seimour and he seems like he still thinks about me...
so back to that strange email..
i replyed to it asking who is writing. and got the answer. i was right. it was Seimour. and i even know how he found my new email address in internet.. gosh.. so he said that he was serching web and trying to find me and that someone stold his wallet and mobile phone in the summer so he doesnt have my contcts anymore. but this is very very strange bc it is happening over and over again.. we say goodbye and after a half or a year he finds me again. this is since i met him when i was 15.. 3 years the same thing. its rather strange than funny now..
i asked him whats going on in his life and i told him that its strange how we pass by knowing that we both go to the same pub. he said that he is working (he took academical holidays in his uni last winter) and that he is trying to control his bad habits. and yes, he said "much, really much happened". and strange is that i dont even want to know what happened to him bc i already can say every damn thing. i know him so well that its not interesting anymore. i do care about him and i wish that someday he will take his life into his hands and stop wasting his life. and its funny what kind of girls he chooses to date. haha we have talked with him about this and he admits that all his girls are little naive angelic girls who are so different from him and its funny how he keep doing the same thing to every each of them. i cant even understand why they fall in love with him. i have told him that i dont like such people who choose weak people to feel stronger around them. i dont say that he is doing that but he got my point and he admitted that he never was happy with those naive girls. and funny is that he likes ME.. he likes me but he dates completely different girls than me.. this is sooo funny. and i just wonder what he wants from me. we cant functionate like friends, like pals and i dont even mention that we cant be a couple. our friendship is just weirdest thing i have.
so yeah. i just hate this feeling that there is no end to these same things. this is so fucking same whole 3 years.. and now.. what can i tell him? last time i met him was i guess in the beginning of summer and even then i didnt tell him much about myself and i couldnt tell him much bc then i havent been talking to him for 6 months. and now.. i dont know how could i talk to him openly. yes, i can talk random things but i dont feel close enought to talk about my personal things. and for that reason i dont want to meet him. i will feel uncomfortable, bc meeting person who you know for 3 years and you know him really really well and so does he and you meet such person and dont have what to talk about. this is most uncomfortable thing. and i cant pretend its ok bc i know him too well. i can spend with random person fun meaningless time, but somehow i cant do that with him.
so yeah this is pretty strange and its like story with no end, when everything keeps repeating and repeating and nothing changes. its like circle...