Thursday Night Bitch
Well... I went to school today. And it was boring as fuck. And my padrino came yesterday. He got the speakers on this comp. to finally work!! And he gave me my cool ass CD/mp3/FM/AM/TV player thing. It's complicated! Oh well I'll figure it out. Hmm. Another long entry? Of course! But this time it's personal.
Okay. Family is a very complicated subject to me. Sometimes I think that I don't know what a family is anymore. I mean, we're hardly ever together anymore. I have my parents here with me in Nicaragua but my brothers are in Miami and Ohio. And that's not fucking fair. Like, sometimes I cope with it just fine but then sometimes I just break down and let it all out. I don't like keeping my sad feelings all bottled up. It feels horrible. So yeah, I just think about when I used to live in Deerwood. I miss it like hell. And then I feel stupid for never spending more time with my family. I used to be outside all the time, never wanting to come inside. Sometimes I just wish that I could be an 8 year old girl again just so I could have them all with me. It's hard to separate from them after so many years. I love them. But the problem is mainly about my brothers. They're the ones I miss like hell. But I feel bad for not spending too much time with my parents. Sometimes I feel like I avoid them and I have no idea why. Sometimes they annoy the crap outta me and I have no idea why. I wish I could have a great relationship with my parents, like some of my friends have. And the worst part is that they have this act, they act like everything is just fine. When my friends are over, they're the coolest parents in the world but when its just me, its totally different. And I hate it. Why don't they understand me? They get me all wrong? They get offended by my sarcasm... And then when I try to show them some love, FINALLY, I'm pushed away. Maybe THAT'S why I avoid them. Cuz I've been used to being alone for such a long time. I mean, I have no one that I can pour my heart and soul out to.... and that sucks. I want to have someone that can know EVERYTHING about me. Maybe Gema could but she's back in Miami. What can I do? And I miss her like hell... Damn... there's the tear.
Okay. Family is a very complicated subject to me. Sometimes I think that I don't know what a family is anymore. I mean, we're hardly ever together anymore. I have my parents here with me in Nicaragua but my brothers are in Miami and Ohio. And that's not fucking fair. Like, sometimes I cope with it just fine but then sometimes I just break down and let it all out. I don't like keeping my sad feelings all bottled up. It feels horrible. So yeah, I just think about when I used to live in Deerwood. I miss it like hell. And then I feel stupid for never spending more time with my family. I used to be outside all the time, never wanting to come inside. Sometimes I just wish that I could be an 8 year old girl again just so I could have them all with me. It's hard to separate from them after so many years. I love them. But the problem is mainly about my brothers. They're the ones I miss like hell. But I feel bad for not spending too much time with my parents. Sometimes I feel like I avoid them and I have no idea why. Sometimes they annoy the crap outta me and I have no idea why. I wish I could have a great relationship with my parents, like some of my friends have. And the worst part is that they have this act, they act like everything is just fine. When my friends are over, they're the coolest parents in the world but when its just me, its totally different. And I hate it. Why don't they understand me? They get me all wrong? They get offended by my sarcasm... And then when I try to show them some love, FINALLY, I'm pushed away. Maybe THAT'S why I avoid them. Cuz I've been used to being alone for such a long time. I mean, I have no one that I can pour my heart and soul out to.... and that sucks. I want to have someone that can know EVERYTHING about me. Maybe Gema could but she's back in Miami. What can I do? And I miss her like hell... Damn... there's the tear.