(no subject)
So I'm not really sure why I'm going to talk about this on here....but I need to vent and really have no one anymore.
In the last almost two years, my perception of myself and my self esteem has gone down drastically. I hate everything about me. I do things I'm not proud of and I think I allow myself to do them because of my super low self esteem. I get involved with guys simply because they pay attention to me. I get all attached and whatnot....I don't know. Hard to describe really. I know these guys don't want relationships, and yet, I still stick around to be treated like shit and left heartbroken. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of guys being like this, but most of all, I'm tired of feeling like this. I've truly came to a point in my life where I know that I have to do something to make me feel better about myself. This underway is the perfect opportunity I suppose. We're going to be gone for a few months. That's a few months of not having to worry about going out, meeting guys, making them happy. I realize that I sound like a 15 year old girl right now, but in my head, it's a lot deeper than that. I'm going down a road of self destruction and I've got to find an exit before there are none.
I know I should probably block this from my sisters or whatever.....but I truly don't care if Mom and Dad knows. I don't want them to, but whatever. I'm a grown up and I'm sure they don't think that I'm perfect....wait, I know they don't. So why try to hide anything from them, when they already think I amount to shit anyways....
In the last almost two years, my perception of myself and my self esteem has gone down drastically. I hate everything about me. I do things I'm not proud of and I think I allow myself to do them because of my super low self esteem. I get involved with guys simply because they pay attention to me. I get all attached and whatnot....I don't know. Hard to describe really. I know these guys don't want relationships, and yet, I still stick around to be treated like shit and left heartbroken. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of guys being like this, but most of all, I'm tired of feeling like this. I've truly came to a point in my life where I know that I have to do something to make me feel better about myself. This underway is the perfect opportunity I suppose. We're going to be gone for a few months. That's a few months of not having to worry about going out, meeting guys, making them happy. I realize that I sound like a 15 year old girl right now, but in my head, it's a lot deeper than that. I'm going down a road of self destruction and I've got to find an exit before there are none.
I know I should probably block this from my sisters or whatever.....but I truly don't care if Mom and Dad knows. I don't want them to, but whatever. I'm a grown up and I'm sure they don't think that I'm perfect....wait, I know they don't. So why try to hide anything from them, when they already think I amount to shit anyways....