Tears of Lonelyness are still Salty and Delicious
Some days I just miss my Grandma. There is no real reason for it, I just think about something, sometimes it's totally random, and all of a sudden I'm reminded of her. In general I share a thought about it with whomever is around me and that is that. Occasionally, however, I am alone when I get these feelings, and there is no one around to share the emotion with. This is one of those days.
My Grandma was remarkable. Very kind-hearted, pleasant, generally smiling and quiet, always making things for other people.
I remember many things of her when I was growing up, but one of the ones that sticks out the most in my mind was when she would take me to an all girls orphanage and teach the girls there how to make dresses, shawls, sweaters, etc. She was remarkably talented with her hands, being not only an artist from the sense that she painted, but she also drew, designed, patterned, sewed, make jewelry, everything. When she went to the orphanage, we would go in a taxi because she didn't drive. I was probably somewhere between 5 and 7 at the time, but I still remember how excited the girls were to see 'Tant Louisa'. She would teach them how to do what she did, and she would pull out some things that she had made. If she noticed that someone was particularly pleased with a piece, she would give it to them. The joy that they experienced because of my Grandmother's willingness to give of her time and energy was delightful. They, ofcourse, fawned over me, the privileged eldest grandson of my Beloved Teta.
I still have some of the things that she made me, and a few of the things that she bought me. I have a hat with a poof ball on the top of it that I get get made fun of every time I wear. I have a little board with my name written in clay. A picture of the two of us that I hold dear. I also have the privilege of having her Wedding Ring. I used to wear it on a chain around my neck, but the chain wasn't too reliable, so I put it aside. Whenever I see it I tear up a little.
Recently, one of the things that she bought me was...lost. I don't think the person that lost it knew how valuable it was, and I didn't tell them. They replaced it as best they could, and I appreciated the thought, but part of me wanted to scream at them that they had no idea what they had done, that they could not even begin to conceive of the emotional significance of this piece that they had treated so negligently. I want to explain, in detail, how important my Grandmother was, no, still is, to me, and how the loss of my keepsake hurt me in a way that you don't talk about in polite conversation. I want to show them the bitter tears I cried, tears of frustration and rage that I had given something this valuable away, only to have it be lost to me forever.
But, that is part of the human process. Things come, things go. People pass through your life. Sometimes they are insignificant. They pass through without causing much of a ripple. Other people create tidal waves in your life. They change you, mold you, into something different. Sometimes it's better, sometimes it's worse. Those people are a powerful force for change, and are to be appreciated. My Grandmother was a positive force in my life. She taught me to love people, to appreciate those around me who are unloved by others. Her prospective on life really affected me, not only as a child, but as I grew into the man I am today.
I wish I could do with my hands what she did with her, but alas, I do not have this artistic gene. I do, however, strive to do with my life what she did with hers. I strive to make my life worth something to someone other than just myself. I want to be remembered by those around me in a positive way. I want to be known as someone who had impacted his world. I understand that this means that I will be a positive force for some, but a negative force for others. But, at the very least, I want to be a force to be reckoned with. I can't be a sideline player, just on the team, but not a contributer. I need to be involved, I need to be active. I hope I can live as an active player in the game of life. Many people are so scared of being wrong, scared of losing, that they don't realize that they lose by not trying. I want to be one who tried without giving it a second though, and I want to Win at Life.
In the game of life, there are Winners, and there are Losers. I intend to be a medalist.
My Grandma was remarkable. Very kind-hearted, pleasant, generally smiling and quiet, always making things for other people.
I remember many things of her when I was growing up, but one of the ones that sticks out the most in my mind was when she would take me to an all girls orphanage and teach the girls there how to make dresses, shawls, sweaters, etc. She was remarkably talented with her hands, being not only an artist from the sense that she painted, but she also drew, designed, patterned, sewed, make jewelry, everything. When she went to the orphanage, we would go in a taxi because she didn't drive. I was probably somewhere between 5 and 7 at the time, but I still remember how excited the girls were to see 'Tant Louisa'. She would teach them how to do what she did, and she would pull out some things that she had made. If she noticed that someone was particularly pleased with a piece, she would give it to them. The joy that they experienced because of my Grandmother's willingness to give of her time and energy was delightful. They, ofcourse, fawned over me, the privileged eldest grandson of my Beloved Teta.
I still have some of the things that she made me, and a few of the things that she bought me. I have a hat with a poof ball on the top of it that I get get made fun of every time I wear. I have a little board with my name written in clay. A picture of the two of us that I hold dear. I also have the privilege of having her Wedding Ring. I used to wear it on a chain around my neck, but the chain wasn't too reliable, so I put it aside. Whenever I see it I tear up a little.
Recently, one of the things that she bought me was...lost. I don't think the person that lost it knew how valuable it was, and I didn't tell them. They replaced it as best they could, and I appreciated the thought, but part of me wanted to scream at them that they had no idea what they had done, that they could not even begin to conceive of the emotional significance of this piece that they had treated so negligently. I want to explain, in detail, how important my Grandmother was, no, still is, to me, and how the loss of my keepsake hurt me in a way that you don't talk about in polite conversation. I want to show them the bitter tears I cried, tears of frustration and rage that I had given something this valuable away, only to have it be lost to me forever.
But, that is part of the human process. Things come, things go. People pass through your life. Sometimes they are insignificant. They pass through without causing much of a ripple. Other people create tidal waves in your life. They change you, mold you, into something different. Sometimes it's better, sometimes it's worse. Those people are a powerful force for change, and are to be appreciated. My Grandmother was a positive force in my life. She taught me to love people, to appreciate those around me who are unloved by others. Her prospective on life really affected me, not only as a child, but as I grew into the man I am today.
I wish I could do with my hands what she did with her, but alas, I do not have this artistic gene. I do, however, strive to do with my life what she did with hers. I strive to make my life worth something to someone other than just myself. I want to be remembered by those around me in a positive way. I want to be known as someone who had impacted his world. I understand that this means that I will be a positive force for some, but a negative force for others. But, at the very least, I want to be a force to be reckoned with. I can't be a sideline player, just on the team, but not a contributer. I need to be involved, I need to be active. I hope I can live as an active player in the game of life. Many people are so scared of being wrong, scared of losing, that they don't realize that they lose by not trying. I want to be one who tried without giving it a second though, and I want to Win at Life.
In the game of life, there are Winners, and there are Losers. I intend to be a medalist.