That fabled last entry that might be too cheesy or too pretentious.
I deleted everyone on my friends list about two months ago. I also stopped updating because I hate myself and being old.
I thought about deleting this. I was so sure I even told people it was deleted, but then I realized I wanted keep all the entries and comments from the last three years for some sentimental purpose. So, I went on a quest to save all the entries and comments, but Word can't support that much. The whole situation escalated to a level of technical difficulty my brain couldn't handle so I gave up. Then I found an option to save them all to Excel, so I did that, but it doesn't save the comments.
So, today I read all my entries and comments since 2004. I realized I don't care. I don't want to remember all the thousand times I said I loved Amanda and didn't mean it. I don't need to remember all the dumb jokes between my friends and I. I don't need to remember all the short-lived relationships between various people. I don't need to remember all the arguments between myself and strangers. Most of all I don't even need to remember who I was. I changed for a reason. Youth isn't about remembrance; it's about regret. I'm going to hate being 19, and 20, and 21, and so on. I'm going to look back on 19 and regret certain things and embrace others, but, mostly, I'll realize I'm better off or better off dead; I always have.
Lately, the news has been addressing how these on line blogs are bad because they promote alcohol consumption, drug use, and promiscuous sex, but those things are just phases people grow out of or into. It hasn't addressed the psychological deficit it poses. I've been so reluctant to erase this journal because I've felt like I'll lose some part of myself, but, honestly, all I'm loosing is something I've already lost or something I didn't want to keep. On line blogs do promote a curiosity about a number of things, negative or positive, but, ultimately, they exaggerate and magnify the past. If you can't recall, maybe it wasn't important enough to anyway.
I know a lot of you macho hunks say Live Journal never meant anything to you, you just used it to communicate. Well, props to you. But I also know others who feel the same as I do. So, for those of you who feel the attachment, delete your Live Journal today.
Thanks for being here for me.
I thought about deleting this. I was so sure I even told people it was deleted, but then I realized I wanted keep all the entries and comments from the last three years for some sentimental purpose. So, I went on a quest to save all the entries and comments, but Word can't support that much. The whole situation escalated to a level of technical difficulty my brain couldn't handle so I gave up. Then I found an option to save them all to Excel, so I did that, but it doesn't save the comments.
So, today I read all my entries and comments since 2004. I realized I don't care. I don't want to remember all the thousand times I said I loved Amanda and didn't mean it. I don't need to remember all the dumb jokes between my friends and I. I don't need to remember all the short-lived relationships between various people. I don't need to remember all the arguments between myself and strangers. Most of all I don't even need to remember who I was. I changed for a reason. Youth isn't about remembrance; it's about regret. I'm going to hate being 19, and 20, and 21, and so on. I'm going to look back on 19 and regret certain things and embrace others, but, mostly, I'll realize I'm better off or better off dead; I always have.
Lately, the news has been addressing how these on line blogs are bad because they promote alcohol consumption, drug use, and promiscuous sex, but those things are just phases people grow out of or into. It hasn't addressed the psychological deficit it poses. I've been so reluctant to erase this journal because I've felt like I'll lose some part of myself, but, honestly, all I'm loosing is something I've already lost or something I didn't want to keep. On line blogs do promote a curiosity about a number of things, negative or positive, but, ultimately, they exaggerate and magnify the past. If you can't recall, maybe it wasn't important enough to anyway.
I know a lot of you macho hunks say Live Journal never meant anything to you, you just used it to communicate. Well, props to you. But I also know others who feel the same as I do. So, for those of you who feel the attachment, delete your Live Journal today.
Thanks for being here for me.