Finding My Voice
I'm not quite sure what to do about it yet, and even less sure that it's an appropriate time to take action. But it's been niggling at me for months upon months; I need to start working towards a resolution, to lay the groundwork to let one present itself.
I miss music. Mind, I do not for an instant regret giving up the Omni Carolers. I am well rid of the headaches and significant drain on my mental and emotional resources. Tempest is flourishing, so the main ostensible reason for shutting down the business is validating that decision but my relief alone tells me it was the right thing to do.
I willingly gave up Omni (and Rapid Transit) with the idea that I would have Above the Law (or some other musical incarnation as such) to fill the void. With cluegirl gone, that option rather removed itself from the picture.
Now what? That is the question.
Granted, I'm not sure I've even got the time to be effective in a new venture. I have to be fairly selfish with my creative resources at present because I don't know what will be asked of me in Tempest. We've never been down the "feature length" road before, and who knows what I:A will spark on the festival circuit. I have to stay prepared. Especially since Tempest is my way to get out of the day job. My focus is there because I enjoy it, and enjoy working with that team, but also because it's my most feasible vehicle out of Corporate America. Who knows what I will accomplish without that 50-60 hour a week drain? I owe it to myself to find out.
Then the bratty part of me kicks in. I could work with someone else. I don't want to. I like singing with cluegirl. It's part Linus needing a blue blankie, to be certain, but mostly it's that it's simple. Not easy, but simple. There is trust as a base, adding respect, inspiration, variety, and the sheer enjoyment of creating. After all my years with Omni and trying to herd those cats with only marginal, sporadic success it is so nice to just kick back and do my thing, not having to drag anyone along. It's even nice not to have to make all the decisions all the time. I like having input and being able to contribute to a direction but the artistic freedom that comes with simply doing is an indulgence I've rarely had. Maidensong was much the same way. Me, cluegirl led by the wife of the infamous Scots Cardinal learning 13 songs in 2 weeks... and it was a delight. Consciously I know it took hard work but in retrospect it was almost effortless. Heaven!
Besides, as much fun as I had with Omni, I never set out to be a professional Christmas caroler. I'd rather have been Tori Amos or Chrissie Hynde (except my piano skills are sophomoric at best and I've never played guitar). But all the influences in AtL, or even subbing in with Ravens for Sessa - it hit me in places I never knew I had. It was scary, challenging and exciting and allowed me to do other kinds of music in a wonderful mix, a giant homage to so many of my musical loves. Anything else I undertake has got to involve that level of trust, experimentation, joy and fun or I will not be a part. Unless I find the same vibe as with Clue, it ain't happenin', folks.
I don't know if I am right in even exploring my options here yet, as my time commitments are so uncertain. But I know I must have music in my life.
I miss music. Mind, I do not for an instant regret giving up the Omni Carolers. I am well rid of the headaches and significant drain on my mental and emotional resources. Tempest is flourishing, so the main ostensible reason for shutting down the business is validating that decision but my relief alone tells me it was the right thing to do.
I willingly gave up Omni (and Rapid Transit) with the idea that I would have Above the Law (or some other musical incarnation as such) to fill the void. With cluegirl gone, that option rather removed itself from the picture.
Now what? That is the question.
Granted, I'm not sure I've even got the time to be effective in a new venture. I have to be fairly selfish with my creative resources at present because I don't know what will be asked of me in Tempest. We've never been down the "feature length" road before, and who knows what I:A will spark on the festival circuit. I have to stay prepared. Especially since Tempest is my way to get out of the day job. My focus is there because I enjoy it, and enjoy working with that team, but also because it's my most feasible vehicle out of Corporate America. Who knows what I will accomplish without that 50-60 hour a week drain? I owe it to myself to find out.
Then the bratty part of me kicks in. I could work with someone else. I don't want to. I like singing with cluegirl. It's part Linus needing a blue blankie, to be certain, but mostly it's that it's simple. Not easy, but simple. There is trust as a base, adding respect, inspiration, variety, and the sheer enjoyment of creating. After all my years with Omni and trying to herd those cats with only marginal, sporadic success it is so nice to just kick back and do my thing, not having to drag anyone along. It's even nice not to have to make all the decisions all the time. I like having input and being able to contribute to a direction but the artistic freedom that comes with simply doing is an indulgence I've rarely had. Maidensong was much the same way. Me, cluegirl led by the wife of the infamous Scots Cardinal learning 13 songs in 2 weeks... and it was a delight. Consciously I know it took hard work but in retrospect it was almost effortless. Heaven!
Besides, as much fun as I had with Omni, I never set out to be a professional Christmas caroler. I'd rather have been Tori Amos or Chrissie Hynde (except my piano skills are sophomoric at best and I've never played guitar). But all the influences in AtL, or even subbing in with Ravens for Sessa - it hit me in places I never knew I had. It was scary, challenging and exciting and allowed me to do other kinds of music in a wonderful mix, a giant homage to so many of my musical loves. Anything else I undertake has got to involve that level of trust, experimentation, joy and fun or I will not be a part. Unless I find the same vibe as with Clue, it ain't happenin', folks.
I don't know if I am right in even exploring my options here yet, as my time commitments are so uncertain. But I know I must have music in my life.