Happy defeat your enemies, drive them before you, and hear the lamentations of their women day!!!
Celebrating America's independence is getting harder and harder to do. Each year, states make so many more fireworks illegal, that you're now more likely to die in a fight with a wild bear than by accidental explosion. As a fan of explosions and a representative for public wild bear relations, I'm against that. Imagine our world without explosives. Would Bruce Willis have been able to keep our terrorist-occupied office buildings safe without explosives? I'm sure I'm with the experts when I say "certainly not" while dramatically and miraculously rising out of my wheelchair. And name one thing you can do with a toad's asshole when it isn't stuffed full of a quarter stick of dynamite. Besides donating it to a gay orphanage.
We should know by now that America's freedom needs to be celebrated with the most life-threatening devices we're able to build. To hell with a few dumbasses firecracking their fingers off. Do you think Abraham Lincoln would have put up with British taxes just to keep you with the correct number of fingers on your dumbass hand? The Terminator killed hundreds of people, but did the future ban Terminators? No, it gave them cool sunglasses and sent them on adventures through time. Why are we such pussies? I swear that in two or three more dipshit-related firework injuries, the only way we'll be able to celebrate our great country's freedom is by watching crappy charcoal snakes grow on our driveway under the supervision of government-appointed safety monitors. That's not what George Washington had in mind when he filled the White House's first neighbor's mailbox with fire crackers and ran.
We should know by now that America's freedom needs to be celebrated with the most life-threatening devices we're able to build. To hell with a few dumbasses firecracking their fingers off. Do you think Abraham Lincoln would have put up with British taxes just to keep you with the correct number of fingers on your dumbass hand? The Terminator killed hundreds of people, but did the future ban Terminators? No, it gave them cool sunglasses and sent them on adventures through time. Why are we such pussies? I swear that in two or three more dipshit-related firework injuries, the only way we'll be able to celebrate our great country's freedom is by watching crappy charcoal snakes grow on our driveway under the supervision of government-appointed safety monitors. That's not what George Washington had in mind when he filled the White House's first neighbor's mailbox with fire crackers and ran.