Fic: Intoxicated Amphibians, PG-13, 1/1
Title: Intoxicated Amphibians (1/1)
Fandom: The Avengers
Couple: Clint/Natasha (partnership)
Rating: PG-13 (for drunken ramblings)
Word Count: 1200+
A/N: There was a six-word prompt at the be_comprised promptathon ( which I highly recommend checking out), for which I wrote the following fill: “Then the drunk frogs showed up.” While it's likely that what the reader would come up with is more entertaining than what I have written here to explain that statement, this insisted on being written. Clearly I've been watching too much of the Olympics. ::ahem:: :-)
:::::::::::::::::
“So what is the weirdest op you two have ever been on?”
Clint and Natasha exchanged looks and unceremoniously dissolved into laughter. Giggles, even. The beer had indeed been flowing.
“No, really,” Steve spoke up, building on Tony's original question. “What's the weirdest op? I'm even more curious now.”
The two spies answered simultaneously.
“The Netherlands Antilles.” And then they burst into a new round of laughter - or giggles, depending on your point of view.
“Wait, is that why you two acted like that during the Parade of Nations?” asked Bruce.
The Olympics. All of this was happening because of the Olympics. Apparently worldwide crime slows down while the planet's bad guys root for their home teams, sort of like during the World Cup. (Well, except the U.S., as everyone knows that Americans are idiots who call football soccer.) The bottom line being that the Avengers were free to watch the Olympics. While drinking beer. And other libations.
A few nights earlier during the Opening Ceremonies and the Parade of Nations, when the Independent Olympic Athletes danced into the stadium and Bob Costas explained that they came from the former Netherlands Antilles, Clint jumped up and started dancing with the televised athletes as Natasha laughed out loud. It spoke volumes that their team members stared more at Natasha than at Clint.
And here she was laughing again.
Clint nodded dumbly through his laughter.
“So what happened? Spill!” cried out a plastered Tony Stark.
“Aart De Keizer,” Natasha answered, her laughter melting.
Clint let out an indecorous snort and continued. “An up-and-comer in the international arms trade. S.H.I.E.L.D. wanted him taken out because, well, he was crazy.”
“Calling him crazy is an insult to crazy people,” pointed out Natasha, leading Clint to nod drunkenly.
“And the weird part?” encouraged Bruce.
“Well,” said Clint, and he looked over to his partner.
Natasha raised her eyebrows in response. The rest of the team was again nonplussed. This must be quite the story to get not one, but three noticeable emotional responses from the Black Widow.
“We don't usually tell this story,” said Clint with an eye roll.
This time Natasha snorted.
FOUR responses? Bruce, Steve and Tony exchanged glances. Also for the fourth time.
“It represents the one and only time that Clint and I were distracted at the same time on a mission,” said Natasha before taking a huge swig of vodka straight out of the bottle.
There was stunned silence from the rest of the team.
“We got the guy in the end!” Clint defended himself and his partner. “We were just distracted...before that,” he finished fairly lamely.
“By the albino,” said Natasha, her eyes wide, staring into space.
“And the midget twins,” added Clint almost nostalgically. “Oh, the little person twins. Sorry about that.” Funny thing was - he sounded sincere.
“The giant Venus fly trap.”
“The Australian burrowing cockroaches.”
“I still say those were there as food for the fly trap,” said the red head as she looked over at Clint.
“They were giant-ass cockroaches. I don't care why they were there - I just know they were!”
“Um, guys?” broke in Tony.
“What?!” demanded Natasha.
“Is there a point to this reminiscing? I mean, I get that this was weird. Not a fan of cockroaches myself. But...” his voice trailed off in question.
“But what?” Clint was indignant. “Giant burrowing cockroaches from Australia doing their burrowing in the Lesser Antilles isn't weird enough?”
“For Natasha to giggle?” Bruce asked. “Not even close.”
“I am like a proud mama,” said Natasha to Clint. “We've taught them so well.”
Clint smiled indulgently and put his hand to his chest. “Yes, dear.”
“Aart island hopped between Sint Maarten, Saba and Sint Eustatius, and he was paranoid,” began Natasha before throwing Clint a look, who took the ball and ran with it.
“He left booby traps and surprises everywhere. Which is how we ran into an albino hitman, two little person snipers, a Venus fly trap and the world's ugliest, disgustingest, giant-ass cockroaches!”
“We handled everything fine,” continued Natasha. “Took out the albino and the wee little snipers, set the cockroaches on fire...”
Natasha's voice trailed off as Clint leaned forward and ran his hands through his hair.
“Then the drunk frogs showed up.”
The rest of the Avengers stared at Natasha and Clint.
“Drunk...”
“...frogs...”
Clint nodded his head.
“De Keizer liked to play with animals and plants, like, as a hobby,” he explained.
“Then he left them where they would be a distraction to anyone trying to find him,” Natasha again stared into nothing.
“Frogs can get drunk?” Steve looked to Bruce.
“In theory, any animal can,” answered the scientist.
“Frogs might even be able to imbibe through their skin,” elucidated Tony. “That'd be cool.”
“We were closing in on him.” Natasha continued as though no one had said anything.
“We headed to the building we knew he was in,” Clint said. “We could hear him a few rooms ahead of us. He was yelling like a banshee.”
Natasha spoke up again. “Then the door opened and frogs reeking of bourbon came through.”
“Dozens of them,” said Clint. “Trust me, Tony. Weirdest damn thing I've ever seen in my life.”
“And it wasn't just the sight of these listing frogs,” explained Natasha. “It was the smell that did it.”
“Because, you know, frogs are just frogs,” Clint said, talking faster now. “You don't see a frog dizzy off its ass and immediately have your brain think 'drunk'. No, you think that must be how those frogs move.”
“But you smell bourbon, suddenly those falling-over, sideways-hopping frogs are drunk!” Natasha jumped in. “And I don't care how well trained you are. Drunk frogs make you stop and stare.”
“I was in the circus, man.” Now it was Clint's turn to stare blankly into the distance. “I was in the circus and I never saw anything like that before.”
The room was silent as everyone processed the story.
“But you got him? De Kaezer?” asked Tony. “Which means 'The Emperor'. What? I'm just sayin'.”
“It dates back to-“ Bruce looked at his beer and shook his head. “Oh, never mind.”
“Of course we got him,” Natasha rolled her eyes. “Like Clint said, we were just...distracted for a little while in the interim.”
“Drunk frogs,” intoned Clint. “You never forget.”
There was a pause as everyone looked at each other.
“Time for bed!” Natasha's loud cry made the rest of battle-hardened heroes jump. “See you tomorrow when I'm sure Russia will mount a stunning come-from-behind victory in something. Or, you know, China will. Someone will. You ready, Clint?”
“Oh, yeah.” The archer made a concerted effort to pull himself up, finally giving in and sticking his hand up to his partner for help.
With an eye roll, she did so and the two of them made their way to the elevator.
“Anyone else want to watch more Olympics?” Tony asked the room at large. “Pepper's still in London and I DVR'd badminton.”
“I'm in,” said Steve.
“Me, too,” said Bruce.
“Badminton it is.”
/fin
Fandom: The Avengers
Couple: Clint/Natasha (partnership)
Rating: PG-13 (for drunken ramblings)
Word Count: 1200+
A/N: There was a six-word prompt at the be_comprised promptathon ( which I highly recommend checking out), for which I wrote the following fill: “Then the drunk frogs showed up.” While it's likely that what the reader would come up with is more entertaining than what I have written here to explain that statement, this insisted on being written. Clearly I've been watching too much of the Olympics. ::ahem:: :-)
:::::::::::::::::
“So what is the weirdest op you two have ever been on?”
Clint and Natasha exchanged looks and unceremoniously dissolved into laughter. Giggles, even. The beer had indeed been flowing.
“No, really,” Steve spoke up, building on Tony's original question. “What's the weirdest op? I'm even more curious now.”
The two spies answered simultaneously.
“The Netherlands Antilles.” And then they burst into a new round of laughter - or giggles, depending on your point of view.
“Wait, is that why you two acted like that during the Parade of Nations?” asked Bruce.
The Olympics. All of this was happening because of the Olympics. Apparently worldwide crime slows down while the planet's bad guys root for their home teams, sort of like during the World Cup. (Well, except the U.S., as everyone knows that Americans are idiots who call football soccer.) The bottom line being that the Avengers were free to watch the Olympics. While drinking beer. And other libations.
A few nights earlier during the Opening Ceremonies and the Parade of Nations, when the Independent Olympic Athletes danced into the stadium and Bob Costas explained that they came from the former Netherlands Antilles, Clint jumped up and started dancing with the televised athletes as Natasha laughed out loud. It spoke volumes that their team members stared more at Natasha than at Clint.
And here she was laughing again.
Clint nodded dumbly through his laughter.
“So what happened? Spill!” cried out a plastered Tony Stark.
“Aart De Keizer,” Natasha answered, her laughter melting.
Clint let out an indecorous snort and continued. “An up-and-comer in the international arms trade. S.H.I.E.L.D. wanted him taken out because, well, he was crazy.”
“Calling him crazy is an insult to crazy people,” pointed out Natasha, leading Clint to nod drunkenly.
“And the weird part?” encouraged Bruce.
“Well,” said Clint, and he looked over to his partner.
Natasha raised her eyebrows in response. The rest of the team was again nonplussed. This must be quite the story to get not one, but three noticeable emotional responses from the Black Widow.
“We don't usually tell this story,” said Clint with an eye roll.
This time Natasha snorted.
FOUR responses? Bruce, Steve and Tony exchanged glances. Also for the fourth time.
“It represents the one and only time that Clint and I were distracted at the same time on a mission,” said Natasha before taking a huge swig of vodka straight out of the bottle.
There was stunned silence from the rest of the team.
“We got the guy in the end!” Clint defended himself and his partner. “We were just distracted...before that,” he finished fairly lamely.
“By the albino,” said Natasha, her eyes wide, staring into space.
“And the midget twins,” added Clint almost nostalgically. “Oh, the little person twins. Sorry about that.” Funny thing was - he sounded sincere.
“The giant Venus fly trap.”
“The Australian burrowing cockroaches.”
“I still say those were there as food for the fly trap,” said the red head as she looked over at Clint.
“They were giant-ass cockroaches. I don't care why they were there - I just know they were!”
“Um, guys?” broke in Tony.
“What?!” demanded Natasha.
“Is there a point to this reminiscing? I mean, I get that this was weird. Not a fan of cockroaches myself. But...” his voice trailed off in question.
“But what?” Clint was indignant. “Giant burrowing cockroaches from Australia doing their burrowing in the Lesser Antilles isn't weird enough?”
“For Natasha to giggle?” Bruce asked. “Not even close.”
“I am like a proud mama,” said Natasha to Clint. “We've taught them so well.”
Clint smiled indulgently and put his hand to his chest. “Yes, dear.”
“Aart island hopped between Sint Maarten, Saba and Sint Eustatius, and he was paranoid,” began Natasha before throwing Clint a look, who took the ball and ran with it.
“He left booby traps and surprises everywhere. Which is how we ran into an albino hitman, two little person snipers, a Venus fly trap and the world's ugliest, disgustingest, giant-ass cockroaches!”
“We handled everything fine,” continued Natasha. “Took out the albino and the wee little snipers, set the cockroaches on fire...”
Natasha's voice trailed off as Clint leaned forward and ran his hands through his hair.
“Then the drunk frogs showed up.”
The rest of the Avengers stared at Natasha and Clint.
“Drunk...”
“...frogs...”
Clint nodded his head.
“De Keizer liked to play with animals and plants, like, as a hobby,” he explained.
“Then he left them where they would be a distraction to anyone trying to find him,” Natasha again stared into nothing.
“Frogs can get drunk?” Steve looked to Bruce.
“In theory, any animal can,” answered the scientist.
“Frogs might even be able to imbibe through their skin,” elucidated Tony. “That'd be cool.”
“We were closing in on him.” Natasha continued as though no one had said anything.
“We headed to the building we knew he was in,” Clint said. “We could hear him a few rooms ahead of us. He was yelling like a banshee.”
Natasha spoke up again. “Then the door opened and frogs reeking of bourbon came through.”
“Dozens of them,” said Clint. “Trust me, Tony. Weirdest damn thing I've ever seen in my life.”
“And it wasn't just the sight of these listing frogs,” explained Natasha. “It was the smell that did it.”
“Because, you know, frogs are just frogs,” Clint said, talking faster now. “You don't see a frog dizzy off its ass and immediately have your brain think 'drunk'. No, you think that must be how those frogs move.”
“But you smell bourbon, suddenly those falling-over, sideways-hopping frogs are drunk!” Natasha jumped in. “And I don't care how well trained you are. Drunk frogs make you stop and stare.”
“I was in the circus, man.” Now it was Clint's turn to stare blankly into the distance. “I was in the circus and I never saw anything like that before.”
The room was silent as everyone processed the story.
“But you got him? De Kaezer?” asked Tony. “Which means 'The Emperor'. What? I'm just sayin'.”
“It dates back to-“ Bruce looked at his beer and shook his head. “Oh, never mind.”
“Of course we got him,” Natasha rolled her eyes. “Like Clint said, we were just...distracted for a little while in the interim.”
“Drunk frogs,” intoned Clint. “You never forget.”
There was a pause as everyone looked at each other.
“Time for bed!” Natasha's loud cry made the rest of battle-hardened heroes jump. “See you tomorrow when I'm sure Russia will mount a stunning come-from-behind victory in something. Or, you know, China will. Someone will. You ready, Clint?”
“Oh, yeah.” The archer made a concerted effort to pull himself up, finally giving in and sticking his hand up to his partner for help.
With an eye roll, she did so and the two of them made their way to the elevator.
“Anyone else want to watch more Olympics?” Tony asked the room at large. “Pepper's still in London and I DVR'd badminton.”
“I'm in,” said Steve.
“Me, too,” said Bruce.
“Badminton it is.”
/fin