razorblades and heart brake

[sand26x]

im in a really funny mood. i looked on the mood thing like 5 times for a mood but nothing really hit the spot. but sympathetic is close i guess. i feel kind of bad. i kind of feel bad for katie. he friends are mad at her caz of me. and so is her mom. he mom hates me. i dont really know why. but oh well i guess. but her friends are pissed off at her caz of me too. i dont really know what i did i dont really even know them. it sucks tho caz i dont want to be the reason everyones pissed off at her. this week as been just fucking great. ive never felt better. ive never been happier. im 100% fallen for this girl and before her friends started up i think she was in the same boat as me. am i a sucker? why is it everyones life i happen to touch turns to shit like 30 mins later? why? maybe i should go. i was thinking about going to a real school. not black hawk. maybe i could go to isu or u of i. i know i could get into them and do just fine. maybe the art school in chicago. maybe not even school. just pick up and leave. not telling anyone that im going and more importantly not tell anyone where im going. not even my mother. but im sure i would drop a line to her when i found my new home, but what about katie? im sure she would be upset, miss me, and i would be lieing if i said i wouldnt think about her evey day, longing for her and missing her smooth skin and her soft kiss, god im in a fucked up mood. i want so much but everything i want conflicks each other, i think im going to get myself a drink. my sister has some beer i could steal from her.

so saturday we are going to chicago for 3 days, im not sure what we are oging to do but im sure its going to be fun and im sure we all are going to be crazy, i would talk about chicago more but i dont feel good im having a hard time seeing and i really dont want to go for 3 days but maybe its better i go to let katie get things with her friends and family worked out, prob would be a good idea to get lost for a little bit,