FIC: "Was and Will Make Me Ill," gift for beth_soprano
Title: Was and Will Make Me Ill
Author: geonncannon
Fandom: Sanctuary
Pairing: Kate/Will
Word Count: 2,073
Category: Canon AU
Spoilers: Pavor Nocturnus
Disclaimer: They don't belong to me.
Rating: R
Warnings: Character deaths. Dark and dreary, just like the episode itself.
Author's Notes: Pinch hitting for beth_soprano in the sanctuary_santa. Hope you like!
Summary: Kate is keeping something from Will.
There was an attack while she was sleeping. The infected stormed the walls of the Sanctuary and their teams had to hold them back. She didn't wake up, not even when the south wing was destroyed by C-4. That was the world they lived in. A world where Kate Freelander was debriefed and given a list of casualties before moving on with her morning chores.
Breakfast was a cold can of meat. She remembered a time when expiration dates on food meant something. "Eat it before this date or you may get sick." Now if it was there, it was edible. Half the time she didn't even bother to check the label before she started eating.
They were in New York, had been for a week, and it was almost time to move on. She'd taken advantage of the snowstorm to venture out, telling Vance that she was just going to do some reconnaissance before the infected tried attacking again. Will would never have let her out alone in weather like this, but she couldn't risk someone finding out what she was doing.
She found a CVS pharmacy where someone else had already broken out the windows for her. Snow drifted in the aisles, almost knee high in some places, but she found what she was looking for. She didn't want to take it back to the Sanctuary, didn't want to risk the evidence being found, but she had to know. She found the public bathroom at the back of the store and tore open the box.
Double-pink lines.
It was the third positive test, and she leaned against the wall with her fist against her eyes for a long time without moving. The first time had been after Magnus died when she was so lonely, so desperate for any lingering piece of the world she used to know. It just happened, both of them moving more or less by muscle memory. Will had apologized afterward, when they were lying in the ruined room that had once been hers. She refused the apology and told him that it could just be something they did from time to time, to keep their heads on straight.
After that, it became routine. Time was separated into foraging, fighting, and fucking. It was all a part of surviving. They used whatever precautions happened to be available. He found condoms that weren't too expired, and she kept her eyes open for pharmacies with pills she felt were safe enough to take. But apparently fate made the decisions no matter what precautions were taken.
She wiped her eyes and left the pharmacy bathroom. The snow had stopped, which would make her trip back to the Sanctuary safer. But it also meant that the bastards might be out and hungry. She checked her weapons, cinched her hood and climbed out through the shattered window and into the elements.
#
Kate cradled Will's head to her shoulder, his lips warm against her neck as he thrust against her. Her other hand trailed down his side and up his spine, feeling the sweat building there. She closed her eyes and tried to focus, tightened her leg against his hip to draw him closer to her, but he could still sense something wasn't right. He lifted his head and looked down at her, his face shining with sweat. "Are you okay?" he whispered.
"Yes." She reached up and brushed her hand down his cheek. "I miss them."
Will kissed her between her eyebrows, something that she adored, and moved his lips to hers. They kissed and he began to move slower against her. It had become less of a primal coupling and more like truly making love. They'd never said those words, but Kate didn't think they had to. It was implied. His lips moved to her cheek and then back to her neck, and she tried to pretend everything was normal.
If Magnus was still alive, Kate could have gone to her for help. No matter what was going on in the world, no matter what she had on her plate, she always had time to talk. That was one of the things Kate missed the most; the sense of home. Of a family. It had been so long since she had a place like that, and it had been taken away so quickly. She never should have been complacent. She should have known it would end. But times like this made her really wish Magnus was still around to lend an ear.
Will finished with a long, sated groan, and he rolled off of her. The moonlight coming through the window of their current bedroom silhouetted him, made him look like a shadow as Kate pulled the blanket up to her chest. He looked at her for a long time before his hand touched her hair. "Something's obviously bothering you. Did something happen while I was away?"
Kate shook her head. Will had been gone for two weeks checking on the Cairo Sanctuary. It was a wasted trip; even in the middle of the desert, the virus had found a way in. There were no survivors. His report had caused her even more distress than usual. A world where someone went to check on friends and, instead of being able to help them, he made sure they burned. He torched the Cairo Sanctuary and stayed long enough to make sure everyone and everything inside was reduced to ashes.
This was the man she loved. The man who had once strove to find a way for everyone to coexist, who preached compromise. This was the new Will Zimmerman.
The father of her baby.
"Nothing happened," Kate finally said. She found his hand in the darkness and looked past him to the window. "It's beautiful. All the snow."
"Yeah." He looked at the window for a long time. "You know that old joke, that the world would be really beautiful without all the people messing things up. I used to think that was funny." He rubbed his face and rolled onto his side, his back to the window. "I don't think it's that funny anymore."
"Will..."
"Yeah?"
I'm pregnant and I'm terrified of every single option I have. I don't want to be responsible, I don't want to add another life to this world.
"I don't know. Nothing, I guess." She rested her head on his chest, and he began stroking her hair. Nine months was a long time. There was a chance she wouldn't be alive to worry about the consequences. She fell asleep before she could let the depression from that thought take hold.
#
Nikola Tesla ruled most of Europe. Without Helen Magnus to temper his insanity, and faced with a world overrun by monstrous creatures anyway, he stepped in and took his throne. The infected hardly considered him their leader, but he was one of the few to carry a natural immunity to their virus. He was strong enough to fight whenever they tried to overthrow him, and he was devious enough to make sure they knew who was boss. His reign was tenuous, but hard to end.
Declan Macrae was killed during an attempt to take Tesla down once and for all. Several former heads of household were also killed. Will was content to let Tesla rule his little kingdom for the time being; they had much larger fish to fry. But when word came down from Rome that Tesla planned a gathering at the former Vatican City stronghold, he knew he had to take action.
Kate watched him pack the supplies he would need. "Five years ago, I'd have said you were crazy." He looked up and met her gaze. "If you told me I was planning to bomb Vatican City to kill a bunch of zombies and their vampire messiah."
"Now it's just another Thursday."
Will smiled and went back to packing explosives. Kate crossed her arms over her chest and dropped them when she realized how it pulled her shirt taut over her belly. So far no one had noticed her condition. She had taken clothes from Hannah's room after she was killed, and all of the shirts were just a few sizes too large for her. "Are you sure you don't want to come with? Plenty of killing to go around."
"Someone has to stay here and hold down the fort."
"Yeah," he said. He checked to make sure he had everything and then crossed the room to her. "Hopefully I won't be gone too long."
"Hard to estimate how long a mass murder will take."
"Everything we're going to kill died a long time ago."
She smiled and kissed him. It was meant to be a chaste kiss, but Will made it last longer by sliding his hand to the small of her back. She resisted being pulled against him for fear of her belly making its presence known.
"I miss you." He kissed the corner of her mouth.
"I know. I've just been... really preoccupied. You know, by this whole apocalypse thing."
"By what?" Will said. "Oh. Right, yeah, I forgot for a second."
Kate chuckled and stepped away from him. "Go kill Tesla."
He saluted, and Kate helped him with his bag before he left the room.
#
They left the New York Sanctuary when the infected finally breached their defenses. The plan was to attempt a cross-country trek back to the Old City Sanctuary where they could regroup. It was as close to a ground zero as they had. Kate led the way, moving across the Canadian border as soon as possible to make travel easier. Will rejoined their group in Toronto, the Vatican assault a Phyrric victory. They'd killed Tesla and an estimated five thousand infected, but every member of Will's team was dead and he lost the sight in one eye when Tesla fought back.
His first night back, Kate was forced to break her news to him. He listened carefully, and then pressed his cheek against her belly and cried quietly. She stroked his hair and let him cry before putting them both to bed.
When they got back to Old City, their team swept the building to make sure it was safe. Safe being a relative term when the majority of the population had become infected by the virus. They secured the building and moved their troops in, and Kate went up to the roof. The streets of New City looked even worse than Old City used to. Everything was devastated, but a few buildings still had glass in them. The sun was peeking through the clouds, shining on the water. If she squinted, she could pretend the city was still intact and the world was a peaceful place.
Her hands found her belly by instinct. She rested her palm over it and looked down, tears in her eyes. She wanted the baby; she couldn't make herself not want it. And her fears about bringing it into this world... well, wasn't that something people had said throughout history? Giving birth in a world where Nazis are spreading across Europe like a plague, or the US is mired in Vietnam, or where a Republican is President. People always thought there was some reason to hold off on children. But where would humanity be with that attitude?
They were close enough to extinct without her getting rid of her baby.
The past was a memory. Nothing they did would ever bring it back, not the way it was. Pining was a useless activity.
The future was unwritten. The virus could die out and humanity could have a chance to regain their foothold. Before he died, Henry found evidence that the virus they were facing now had wiped out the Mayans. So it had gone dormant once before. Why not again? Her baby could be the first of the new generation.
She couldn't think about the past and future, was and will. She had to focus on is. She was Kate Freelander. The father of her baby was Will Zimmerman. Right now they were in the last place either of them had considered home, and they were both relatively safe. She turned and walked away from the mirage of an intact city, letting the image linger in her mind's eye as she went back into the dark Sanctuary.
Tomorrow would take care of itself. She had to cherish today.
Author: geonncannon
Fandom: Sanctuary
Pairing: Kate/Will
Word Count: 2,073
Category: Canon AU
Spoilers: Pavor Nocturnus
Disclaimer: They don't belong to me.
Rating: R
Warnings: Character deaths. Dark and dreary, just like the episode itself.
Author's Notes: Pinch hitting for beth_soprano in the sanctuary_santa. Hope you like!
Summary: Kate is keeping something from Will.
There was an attack while she was sleeping. The infected stormed the walls of the Sanctuary and their teams had to hold them back. She didn't wake up, not even when the south wing was destroyed by C-4. That was the world they lived in. A world where Kate Freelander was debriefed and given a list of casualties before moving on with her morning chores.
Breakfast was a cold can of meat. She remembered a time when expiration dates on food meant something. "Eat it before this date or you may get sick." Now if it was there, it was edible. Half the time she didn't even bother to check the label before she started eating.
They were in New York, had been for a week, and it was almost time to move on. She'd taken advantage of the snowstorm to venture out, telling Vance that she was just going to do some reconnaissance before the infected tried attacking again. Will would never have let her out alone in weather like this, but she couldn't risk someone finding out what she was doing.
She found a CVS pharmacy where someone else had already broken out the windows for her. Snow drifted in the aisles, almost knee high in some places, but she found what she was looking for. She didn't want to take it back to the Sanctuary, didn't want to risk the evidence being found, but she had to know. She found the public bathroom at the back of the store and tore open the box.
Double-pink lines.
It was the third positive test, and she leaned against the wall with her fist against her eyes for a long time without moving. The first time had been after Magnus died when she was so lonely, so desperate for any lingering piece of the world she used to know. It just happened, both of them moving more or less by muscle memory. Will had apologized afterward, when they were lying in the ruined room that had once been hers. She refused the apology and told him that it could just be something they did from time to time, to keep their heads on straight.
After that, it became routine. Time was separated into foraging, fighting, and fucking. It was all a part of surviving. They used whatever precautions happened to be available. He found condoms that weren't too expired, and she kept her eyes open for pharmacies with pills she felt were safe enough to take. But apparently fate made the decisions no matter what precautions were taken.
She wiped her eyes and left the pharmacy bathroom. The snow had stopped, which would make her trip back to the Sanctuary safer. But it also meant that the bastards might be out and hungry. She checked her weapons, cinched her hood and climbed out through the shattered window and into the elements.
#
Kate cradled Will's head to her shoulder, his lips warm against her neck as he thrust against her. Her other hand trailed down his side and up his spine, feeling the sweat building there. She closed her eyes and tried to focus, tightened her leg against his hip to draw him closer to her, but he could still sense something wasn't right. He lifted his head and looked down at her, his face shining with sweat. "Are you okay?" he whispered.
"Yes." She reached up and brushed her hand down his cheek. "I miss them."
Will kissed her between her eyebrows, something that she adored, and moved his lips to hers. They kissed and he began to move slower against her. It had become less of a primal coupling and more like truly making love. They'd never said those words, but Kate didn't think they had to. It was implied. His lips moved to her cheek and then back to her neck, and she tried to pretend everything was normal.
If Magnus was still alive, Kate could have gone to her for help. No matter what was going on in the world, no matter what she had on her plate, she always had time to talk. That was one of the things Kate missed the most; the sense of home. Of a family. It had been so long since she had a place like that, and it had been taken away so quickly. She never should have been complacent. She should have known it would end. But times like this made her really wish Magnus was still around to lend an ear.
Will finished with a long, sated groan, and he rolled off of her. The moonlight coming through the window of their current bedroom silhouetted him, made him look like a shadow as Kate pulled the blanket up to her chest. He looked at her for a long time before his hand touched her hair. "Something's obviously bothering you. Did something happen while I was away?"
Kate shook her head. Will had been gone for two weeks checking on the Cairo Sanctuary. It was a wasted trip; even in the middle of the desert, the virus had found a way in. There were no survivors. His report had caused her even more distress than usual. A world where someone went to check on friends and, instead of being able to help them, he made sure they burned. He torched the Cairo Sanctuary and stayed long enough to make sure everyone and everything inside was reduced to ashes.
This was the man she loved. The man who had once strove to find a way for everyone to coexist, who preached compromise. This was the new Will Zimmerman.
The father of her baby.
"Nothing happened," Kate finally said. She found his hand in the darkness and looked past him to the window. "It's beautiful. All the snow."
"Yeah." He looked at the window for a long time. "You know that old joke, that the world would be really beautiful without all the people messing things up. I used to think that was funny." He rubbed his face and rolled onto his side, his back to the window. "I don't think it's that funny anymore."
"Will..."
"Yeah?"
I'm pregnant and I'm terrified of every single option I have. I don't want to be responsible, I don't want to add another life to this world.
"I don't know. Nothing, I guess." She rested her head on his chest, and he began stroking her hair. Nine months was a long time. There was a chance she wouldn't be alive to worry about the consequences. She fell asleep before she could let the depression from that thought take hold.
#
Nikola Tesla ruled most of Europe. Without Helen Magnus to temper his insanity, and faced with a world overrun by monstrous creatures anyway, he stepped in and took his throne. The infected hardly considered him their leader, but he was one of the few to carry a natural immunity to their virus. He was strong enough to fight whenever they tried to overthrow him, and he was devious enough to make sure they knew who was boss. His reign was tenuous, but hard to end.
Declan Macrae was killed during an attempt to take Tesla down once and for all. Several former heads of household were also killed. Will was content to let Tesla rule his little kingdom for the time being; they had much larger fish to fry. But when word came down from Rome that Tesla planned a gathering at the former Vatican City stronghold, he knew he had to take action.
Kate watched him pack the supplies he would need. "Five years ago, I'd have said you were crazy." He looked up and met her gaze. "If you told me I was planning to bomb Vatican City to kill a bunch of zombies and their vampire messiah."
"Now it's just another Thursday."
Will smiled and went back to packing explosives. Kate crossed her arms over her chest and dropped them when she realized how it pulled her shirt taut over her belly. So far no one had noticed her condition. She had taken clothes from Hannah's room after she was killed, and all of the shirts were just a few sizes too large for her. "Are you sure you don't want to come with? Plenty of killing to go around."
"Someone has to stay here and hold down the fort."
"Yeah," he said. He checked to make sure he had everything and then crossed the room to her. "Hopefully I won't be gone too long."
"Hard to estimate how long a mass murder will take."
"Everything we're going to kill died a long time ago."
She smiled and kissed him. It was meant to be a chaste kiss, but Will made it last longer by sliding his hand to the small of her back. She resisted being pulled against him for fear of her belly making its presence known.
"I miss you." He kissed the corner of her mouth.
"I know. I've just been... really preoccupied. You know, by this whole apocalypse thing."
"By what?" Will said. "Oh. Right, yeah, I forgot for a second."
Kate chuckled and stepped away from him. "Go kill Tesla."
He saluted, and Kate helped him with his bag before he left the room.
#
They left the New York Sanctuary when the infected finally breached their defenses. The plan was to attempt a cross-country trek back to the Old City Sanctuary where they could regroup. It was as close to a ground zero as they had. Kate led the way, moving across the Canadian border as soon as possible to make travel easier. Will rejoined their group in Toronto, the Vatican assault a Phyrric victory. They'd killed Tesla and an estimated five thousand infected, but every member of Will's team was dead and he lost the sight in one eye when Tesla fought back.
His first night back, Kate was forced to break her news to him. He listened carefully, and then pressed his cheek against her belly and cried quietly. She stroked his hair and let him cry before putting them both to bed.
When they got back to Old City, their team swept the building to make sure it was safe. Safe being a relative term when the majority of the population had become infected by the virus. They secured the building and moved their troops in, and Kate went up to the roof. The streets of New City looked even worse than Old City used to. Everything was devastated, but a few buildings still had glass in them. The sun was peeking through the clouds, shining on the water. If she squinted, she could pretend the city was still intact and the world was a peaceful place.
Her hands found her belly by instinct. She rested her palm over it and looked down, tears in her eyes. She wanted the baby; she couldn't make herself not want it. And her fears about bringing it into this world... well, wasn't that something people had said throughout history? Giving birth in a world where Nazis are spreading across Europe like a plague, or the US is mired in Vietnam, or where a Republican is President. People always thought there was some reason to hold off on children. But where would humanity be with that attitude?
They were close enough to extinct without her getting rid of her baby.
The past was a memory. Nothing they did would ever bring it back, not the way it was. Pining was a useless activity.
The future was unwritten. The virus could die out and humanity could have a chance to regain their foothold. Before he died, Henry found evidence that the virus they were facing now had wiped out the Mayans. So it had gone dormant once before. Why not again? Her baby could be the first of the new generation.
She couldn't think about the past and future, was and will. She had to focus on is. She was Kate Freelander. The father of her baby was Will Zimmerman. Right now they were in the last place either of them had considered home, and they were both relatively safe. She turned and walked away from the mirage of an intact city, letting the image linger in her mind's eye as she went back into the dark Sanctuary.
Tomorrow would take care of itself. She had to cherish today.