Darkness fall
It's ripping at me, tearing me apart, and I wonder how I can still live when I've already gone through this. I remember, back in the days, that if I felt the blood and the chaos that marked this as my life, I wouldn't survive it again. I refuse to die, as always, but how long, how long can you cut and rip and maim and kill before there's a broken doll where a girl once stood?
Dress, undress, pull apart, put back together. Can you see the stitches? I feel them everyday.
Curiosity killed the cat, but which cat this time? Run over its tail, fling it back, dump it on the streets, ignore its frantic calls. Are you surprised to hear the screams come from me?
Be careful what you touch. A single finger brush can form a bullet hole.
Pain echoing like an ugly gong in my head, and you're surprised I can't hear? Every word, every touch, every goddamn lie pounds in rhythm to my heart, and can you blame me for wanting it to slow the fuck down? Sometimes, I even want it to stop.
But we call that insanity.
Is it? There's nothing there for me to love. I have to take it back. I try to sleep at night and you appear, even though I've said a million times it's over, I don't care, this isn't me. How many times do I have to say it to make it real? How many times before I can move on? How many times do I have to speak before someone will listen?
Fate and time aren't going to. They never do.
The hearts of angels can't exist, because I don't know where mine is. How long has it been since I felt safe? How long has it been since I knew that I wouldn't find the umpteenth knife in my back? How long has it been since love has been given to me unconditional and pure in intentions and in thought?
How can I believe.
Faith. Faith. Hope. Faith. Reality. None of them fit hand in hand, because faith and hope will abandon those who aren't worthy. How did I mess up? Was I too sad? I can't help a physical condition, show me why it was given to me!
How many tears have I shed over this until I felt spent? There isn't enough sadness I can share anymore. It's become so wedged in, such a part of me, I don't know what to do and it doesn't help you pounded it in. No escape, you sealed it off.
You made it so I can't move on. Every word an insult, and I was worth so little... why are you here? Is your life spent on making others miserable? What did I do to you? I loved you and you ran away.
Are all the others going to run away too?
Lock me up, throw away the key. No amount of help can save me. You drew me down to your level, and I still feel the poison cursing through my veins. You couldn't keep it to yourself, could you? The first one I trusted, and he ran away. The second one scarred me. The third one showed me paranoia.
Why did you destroy everything I had left!
How can they understand? How can they get that I let you rule me for so long, and now that I'm without corruption there is NO path for me! I have to wander alone, and hope I find my path again. Alone, alone, alone. It was your worst fear, wasn't it? Why throw it on me?
I have but one comfort, and it's the fact I'm fucking alive. You may have tried to kill me, but keep this a secret: you can never kill me. You can take everything from me, but you can't make me die. I wander these paths, and don't know my direction, but I have the comfort you metaphorically killed yourself.
Pity you couldn't take me with you as with everything else. I'll heal, you won't. I'll find my way, and I'll be the last thing you see when you disappear in the fog. There's nothing more you can take from me. You took it all, but I'm finding them, piece by piece.
Dress, undress, pull apart, put back together. Can you see the stitches? I feel them everyday.
Curiosity killed the cat, but which cat this time? Run over its tail, fling it back, dump it on the streets, ignore its frantic calls. Are you surprised to hear the screams come from me?
Be careful what you touch. A single finger brush can form a bullet hole.
Pain echoing like an ugly gong in my head, and you're surprised I can't hear? Every word, every touch, every goddamn lie pounds in rhythm to my heart, and can you blame me for wanting it to slow the fuck down? Sometimes, I even want it to stop.
But we call that insanity.
Is it? There's nothing there for me to love. I have to take it back. I try to sleep at night and you appear, even though I've said a million times it's over, I don't care, this isn't me. How many times do I have to say it to make it real? How many times before I can move on? How many times do I have to speak before someone will listen?
Fate and time aren't going to. They never do.
The hearts of angels can't exist, because I don't know where mine is. How long has it been since I felt safe? How long has it been since I knew that I wouldn't find the umpteenth knife in my back? How long has it been since love has been given to me unconditional and pure in intentions and in thought?
How can I believe.
Faith. Faith. Hope. Faith. Reality. None of them fit hand in hand, because faith and hope will abandon those who aren't worthy. How did I mess up? Was I too sad? I can't help a physical condition, show me why it was given to me!
How many tears have I shed over this until I felt spent? There isn't enough sadness I can share anymore. It's become so wedged in, such a part of me, I don't know what to do and it doesn't help you pounded it in. No escape, you sealed it off.
You made it so I can't move on. Every word an insult, and I was worth so little... why are you here? Is your life spent on making others miserable? What did I do to you? I loved you and you ran away.
Are all the others going to run away too?
Lock me up, throw away the key. No amount of help can save me. You drew me down to your level, and I still feel the poison cursing through my veins. You couldn't keep it to yourself, could you? The first one I trusted, and he ran away. The second one scarred me. The third one showed me paranoia.
Why did you destroy everything I had left!
How can they understand? How can they get that I let you rule me for so long, and now that I'm without corruption there is NO path for me! I have to wander alone, and hope I find my path again. Alone, alone, alone. It was your worst fear, wasn't it? Why throw it on me?
I have but one comfort, and it's the fact I'm fucking alive. You may have tried to kill me, but keep this a secret: you can never kill me. You can take everything from me, but you can't make me die. I wander these paths, and don't know my direction, but I have the comfort you metaphorically killed yourself.
Pity you couldn't take me with you as with everything else. I'll heal, you won't. I'll find my way, and I'll be the last thing you see when you disappear in the fog. There's nothing more you can take from me. You took it all, but I'm finding them, piece by piece.