What's wrong with me?
I feel so lost.
Ok i'll start from the beginning...
My ex (He-who-shall-not-be-named) asked me out again a few weeks back and i said i would think about it. Yesterday was the first time we spoke since then. We're talking something like 3 weeks since he asked. And thats the thing he didn't even ask he just said 'Oh i miss you, i miss how things were, let's get back together'
Anyhoo this is where my dilemma comes into play.
He-who-shall-not-be-named and I have been 'on and off' for 3 years going on to 4, so obviously there's some deep shit between us.
So what i can't begin to understand is wat's wrong with me?. Why can i not give him an actual yes or no? why does it have to be an 'i dunno' or a 'maybe'.
Why does a part of me want to, while the other part of doesn't?
I hesitate before saying either yes or no. Why?
I'm normally not the type of chick who falls head over heels, sure i fall quickly but when i realise that somethings wrong or not working i pull out but with him, it's like im a pile of goo. He has this hold on me that i don't think that he even knows about.
His love is the kind of love that hurts but feels so good at the same time. The kind of love that literally does make me weak in the knee's, The kind of love where i lose all sense of direction in other words the kind of love which is dangerous.
I tell myself i have a soft spot for him becoz he was pretty much my first everything (well except kiss) with him we were both learning, learning how to accept each other, learning how to understand each other etc...
So when we spoke yesterday i told him it would be best if we stayed friends..he asked Why, and i said 'alot of reasons...
1)Long distance relationships never work (we're both at different uni's like 5hrs away)
2)I feel like i do all the work trying to maintain the relationship...an example a friend of mine was on my pc and we started playing around, so she started sending these messages and emails to the ppl on my contact list telling them i love them.So anyway she sends him an email saying 'I love you and i miss you. Let's get back together' Now this email was sent to him on my account and this was about 2 weeks ago.He never replied.
When we spoke yesterday he brought the email up saying..'Oh i got your email so you wanna get back together?'
I said 'What do you mean?'
He said 'The email, you said you loved me and you wanna get back together'
I said 'Why didn't you reply?'
He said ' I wanted to make sure it was you'
I said 'Who would it be? its my email'
So that argument carried on for ages until i finally gave in...the way i usually do.
I'm sorry if this sounds all confusing but im slightly drunk!
Ok i'll start from the beginning...
My ex (He-who-shall-not-be-named) asked me out again a few weeks back and i said i would think about it. Yesterday was the first time we spoke since then. We're talking something like 3 weeks since he asked. And thats the thing he didn't even ask he just said 'Oh i miss you, i miss how things were, let's get back together'
Anyhoo this is where my dilemma comes into play.
He-who-shall-not-be-named and I have been 'on and off' for 3 years going on to 4, so obviously there's some deep shit between us.
So what i can't begin to understand is wat's wrong with me?. Why can i not give him an actual yes or no? why does it have to be an 'i dunno' or a 'maybe'.
Why does a part of me want to, while the other part of doesn't?
I hesitate before saying either yes or no. Why?
I'm normally not the type of chick who falls head over heels, sure i fall quickly but when i realise that somethings wrong or not working i pull out but with him, it's like im a pile of goo. He has this hold on me that i don't think that he even knows about.
His love is the kind of love that hurts but feels so good at the same time. The kind of love that literally does make me weak in the knee's, The kind of love where i lose all sense of direction in other words the kind of love which is dangerous.
I tell myself i have a soft spot for him becoz he was pretty much my first everything (well except kiss) with him we were both learning, learning how to accept each other, learning how to understand each other etc...
So when we spoke yesterday i told him it would be best if we stayed friends..he asked Why, and i said 'alot of reasons...
1)Long distance relationships never work (we're both at different uni's like 5hrs away)
2)I feel like i do all the work trying to maintain the relationship...an example a friend of mine was on my pc and we started playing around, so she started sending these messages and emails to the ppl on my contact list telling them i love them.So anyway she sends him an email saying 'I love you and i miss you. Let's get back together' Now this email was sent to him on my account and this was about 2 weeks ago.He never replied.
When we spoke yesterday he brought the email up saying..'Oh i got your email so you wanna get back together?'
I said 'What do you mean?'
He said 'The email, you said you loved me and you wanna get back together'
I said 'Why didn't you reply?'
He said ' I wanted to make sure it was you'
I said 'Who would it be? its my email'
So that argument carried on for ages until i finally gave in...the way i usually do.
I'm sorry if this sounds all confusing but im slightly drunk!