original fiction*~
Original slash | Helder and Diogo | R | Set in Portugal | second person pov
You've known him since forever but you remember clearly the first time you actually liked him. You were fourteen and he was seventeen, not that much older but it seemed like a lifetime back then. Your brother had invited you to the game, had a spare since his other friend ditched and you were the most excited you had ever been, not only was your brother acknowledging your existence but you were going with Helder too. He was someone you had always liked but hardly ever spoke too, mostly for the fact you had figured out that you were gay and you had no idea how he even felt about that, so your conversations were limited to football and your brother, the occasional questions about interests.
The game became non-existent, you had managed to sit next to him, your thighs pressed against his, sometimes your hand, always mumbling sorry and pretending some of those weren't on purpose. He always managed to flash that smile at you, even ruffling your hair, telling you "Kid really, it is fine just enjoy the game, we are winning" so you tried but all you wanted to do was stare at him, take his hand in yours, but you couldn't. So you just stared out at the field blankly, cheering when the team scored but really having no idea what was going on. It wasn't until he grabbed your arm, all, "Planning to stay the night?" did you realize the game was over.
The three of you went out that night to a bar, sitting cramped together you half in his lap, trying to move over and laughing a bit, "I'm sorry, this isn't your idea of fun" "Really, I don't mind," winking and you felt like in that moment you could throw up or kiss him.
You ended up choosing throwing up, luckily managing to make it outside, your brother yelling all "Diogo fuck, mom and dad are going to kill me" Helder rubbing your back, "Andre, lay off of him, you didn't stop him" "Well i wasn't planning on baby-sitting was I? no" Going to help you home and into bed Helder actually staying to make sure you didn't barf, you just half asleep, glancing up "Sorry I ruined your night" "You didn't. I had fun, really. I hope to do it again" You fell asleep to that thought, that maybe you could do this.
Except you never really made your move, the next three years went by with more football games, trips to the Algarve, Madeira, camping, basically anything where it was you and your brother and you hated it, wanted time alone and when the rare moments came you treasured them, filed those memories away so that you at least had something to go of of.
When you were seventeen and he was twenty he told you he was moving and your heart sank. You acted happy of course, because you had to. He was happy, going on and on about London, how he had family there and that the school was amazing, part of you was happy because he was so excited, rambling on and on and you just hugged him, feeling awkward but it felt right, just looking up "You are going to do great, really. " "Thank you and keep up with the football, hey maybe you'll make it big and someday I'll come watch you play" You grinned, telling him he'd be the first one to get your jersey, maybe even an autograph and he pushed you playfully, telling you he better be invited to games, after all you were invited to London anytime you wanted.
And you had planned on taking him up on that offer, it wasn't like you chickened out or forget, you thought about it all the time. You couldn't do it during the school year, obviously with school and then football and work, you had to stay there and once summer came you were dragged off by family or friends and he was often off traveling Europe, sending you postcards from far off places. You would manage to send him cards too, nothing fancy but you didn't want him to think you were mad or forgot. Just in case.
There was a brief few months were you lost touch, only to hear from your brother that he was dating someone, that it was really good, might even live together. You had wanted to ask about this person but you couldn't work up the nerve, your throat had felt dry and you could barely swallow so you just walked away, wanting to feel happy but mostly feeling jealous and stupid, you had never stood a chance you were just Andre's kid brother. Who were you kidding.
It wasn't until you were twenty that you finally found the chance to visit London. You had injured your knee a few months before, nothing serious but you rushed back to football, completely messing it up and the doctor's weren't sure if you would recover, telling you to take time off. You had a break in school and you couldn't stand just sitting, not with your mom hovering and pestering, she meant well but it had drove you mad, finally begging to go somewhere, anywhere, remembering your team was playing in London, would just go there, see the game in a pub, etc. Your mom had nodded telling you to write Helder, maybe you could stay with him, he would like that, see a familiar face. You had debated but in the end decided it wouldn't hurt, firing off an email, getting a response a few days later, that made those familiar butterflies return, put a smile on your face. It didn't matter you were twenty, in that brief moment you were fourteen and having your first real crush.
(In those six years you had dated, bringing home a few guys but nothing that serious, losing your virginity of course but nothing had felt right, felt like love. So you ended them all, figuring the right guy would come along at some point).
You flew to London, making your way from Heathrow to his flat, Helder texting apologizing that he couldn't pick you up, he was running late but he'd see you soon and you just smiled, biting your nails and not sure of what you would say, hoped that in the past years you had learned not to be such a nervous kid, that you could talk to him without wanting to throw up. When you pulled up you could see him getting out of his car, he looked so different so much more handsome and mature. Your mouth had went dry, hands all clammy. You would have probably stayed in that cab had the driver not yelled for his money, you just shoving a bunch into his hand, grabbing your bag and slowly getting out, Helder grinning "My god you aren't a kid anymore. You grew up" "So did you, you look good. London has treated you well" "Except the whole lack of sun, how can I be Portuguese and not have a tan?" You laughed and followed him inside, the flat was nice, modest and it was definitely a guy's place but it wasn't bad, Helder just setting his stuff down, looking at you, "well want the grand tour, though not so grand" "I'd love one"
He showed you around, talking and you listened, probably the only person you didn't tune out after a bit, answering his questions and laughing, looking around hoping to find some sort of clue in the various photographs. You so desperately wanted to ask but you couldn't. You still couldn't after all these years just ask was he dating, what was she like. But nothing. He asked you about your knee, you told him you still didn't know, it could be okay or you could end football, Helder smiling sadly, "I hope it isn't that, I'm still planning on going to your first game you know" "Of course, I'd have to call you up and ask where the fuck you are" You smiled, going to sit and let Helder bring the drinks and some food, just watching a bit of tv, your English was okay but the accents made it difficult so you mostly just glanced at Helder, him turning every so often to smile or ask a question, you finally feeling comfortable enjoy to ask more personal things, about friends and life, whether he would stay here.
"You know, I think I will, I mean I have been here for quite a long time I even have a bit of an accent. I just hope I can find someone I really like." "I don't think that will be a problem for you, really" "Well kid it is harder than it looks, even people as handsome as me have trouble finding dates" "Well then I'm fucked" You both laughed, you just looking down at your hands, going to look back up "London suits you, you should stay" "I'll consider it, only if you promise to visit more" "Promise" You stared into his eyes for a few seconds, looking away, "I should go to bed, busy day tomorrow" "Of course, if you need anything let me know" You did your usual routine, just laying on the too small bed, willing yourself to sleep, wishing you were sleeping just a door over, that you were his bed and in his arms.
The next few days you spent with him, watching the game, both of you swearing loudly in Portuguese, making a few friends (and enemies), getting drunk and telling stories, anything that came to mind. You spent the days going with Helder when he could go, heading to all the tourist sights, you taking a million photos, Helder taking you to a few of his favorite places, going to lunch and all of that, your last day approaching and you suddenly felt the urge to tell him. Despite the fact you had a perfectly great friendship you would no doubt ruin, or the fact that he was most likely not gay, you just had to say it. You waited until dinner the last night, hoping if it made thing horrible you could just leave and not waste another minute there.
You finally worked up the courage during dinner, a small period of silence, just meeting Helder's gaze, and saying it, "I'm gay" He looked at you, blank then smiling, "Diogo, I've known since you were fourteen" You just stared, he...he knew? And he never said anything? "How..I mean, I didn't think you knew" "First off, your brother told me, talked to me about it. Secondly, I knew, not that that is a bad thing of course, I just...kind of figured it out? I always waited for you to tell me to be honest, but I just figured you knew, I knew" "no, never I mean I just..that isn't it..I. I love you Helder. I'm in love with you and have been since forever and I know you'll hate me but I just had to say it. I love you"
Helder just looked at you, you feeling like you wanted to die, sure he was fine with you being game but now you had just crossed a line, probably lost the best friend you had ever had. Hanging your head, about ready to apologize, Helder speaking before you "I never knew that. Why didn't you tell me?" "I mean I was just some stupid kid, I mean you aren't even gay and if you were you wouldn't date me, we are just friends and that is that, and god I'm so fucking stupid" Helder laughing a bit, you not understanding "What is so funny?" "Diogo you didn't know? I'm gay. I've gay since....god forever?"
You whipped your head up, he is gay? How had you not known? You couldn't say anything, just staring, Helder laughing, getting up and kissing you, just lightly at first, "i'm gary, I promise, this is not a joke or anything, I'm really gay. And I guess I love you too" You just pulling him down for a kiss, you had waited six years for this moment, you were not about to just keep talking, oh hell no. Eventually following Helder to his room, falling back on the bed and going to break the kiss, just looking at him and feeling him against you, not even blushing mostly because you wanted it so damn bad. Just tugging his shirt off, slipping your hands into his jeans and kissing his neck, scraping your teeth along his Adam's apple, just glancing up, "Fuck me Helder, I want it, I want you. I've wanted it for so long I am about to go crazy"
Helder just nodding, for once not joking or smiling, his eyes dark and piercing, making you shiver under his touch. The both of you just getting naked, Helder kissing you all over, your skin feeling like it is in fire, your heart racing, as if this is your first time again and part of you wishes it was, but it isn't, though that doesn't really matter because it is happening. Helder just running the lube over his fingers, sliding two in, going to just keep staring, quiet and it makes you nervous, want him to say something. Will eventually, Helder sliding into you, his cock pusling and you just gasping, holding on, "Oh fuck" "I've got you just tell me, did you dream of this, my cock in you, fucking you? You on your knees for me, sucking me off?" You groaning, oh fuck, kissing his jaw, this is perfect. This is exactly what you wanted. the rest of the night flashing by in a bit of a blur, fucking and talking, just sleeping sometimes and waking back up, eventually just passing out you all across him, not worried.
When you woke up, you glanced at the clock, just laying down before sitting up, fuck you missed your flight, fuck. Just getting up and getting your things, should call the airline, Helder watching "Come back to bed, you missed your flight and really, you want to leave so soon?" "no, no I just, my mom is expecting me andI have school and I am screwed" "no you aren't, just call and get the one tomorrow. Stay with me, please?" And you couldn't say no to that, just smiling and laying back down, kissing him, "You are horrible" "I'm not, I'm perfect" You just laughing, kissing his chest. So maybe you missed your flight, maybe you would miss tomorrow's too. Maybe you would just never go home.
Maybe you were meant to never leave at all
You've known him since forever but you remember clearly the first time you actually liked him. You were fourteen and he was seventeen, not that much older but it seemed like a lifetime back then. Your brother had invited you to the game, had a spare since his other friend ditched and you were the most excited you had ever been, not only was your brother acknowledging your existence but you were going with Helder too. He was someone you had always liked but hardly ever spoke too, mostly for the fact you had figured out that you were gay and you had no idea how he even felt about that, so your conversations were limited to football and your brother, the occasional questions about interests.
The game became non-existent, you had managed to sit next to him, your thighs pressed against his, sometimes your hand, always mumbling sorry and pretending some of those weren't on purpose. He always managed to flash that smile at you, even ruffling your hair, telling you "Kid really, it is fine just enjoy the game, we are winning" so you tried but all you wanted to do was stare at him, take his hand in yours, but you couldn't. So you just stared out at the field blankly, cheering when the team scored but really having no idea what was going on. It wasn't until he grabbed your arm, all, "Planning to stay the night?" did you realize the game was over.
The three of you went out that night to a bar, sitting cramped together you half in his lap, trying to move over and laughing a bit, "I'm sorry, this isn't your idea of fun" "Really, I don't mind," winking and you felt like in that moment you could throw up or kiss him.
You ended up choosing throwing up, luckily managing to make it outside, your brother yelling all "Diogo fuck, mom and dad are going to kill me" Helder rubbing your back, "Andre, lay off of him, you didn't stop him" "Well i wasn't planning on baby-sitting was I? no" Going to help you home and into bed Helder actually staying to make sure you didn't barf, you just half asleep, glancing up "Sorry I ruined your night" "You didn't. I had fun, really. I hope to do it again" You fell asleep to that thought, that maybe you could do this.
Except you never really made your move, the next three years went by with more football games, trips to the Algarve, Madeira, camping, basically anything where it was you and your brother and you hated it, wanted time alone and when the rare moments came you treasured them, filed those memories away so that you at least had something to go of of.
When you were seventeen and he was twenty he told you he was moving and your heart sank. You acted happy of course, because you had to. He was happy, going on and on about London, how he had family there and that the school was amazing, part of you was happy because he was so excited, rambling on and on and you just hugged him, feeling awkward but it felt right, just looking up "You are going to do great, really. " "Thank you and keep up with the football, hey maybe you'll make it big and someday I'll come watch you play" You grinned, telling him he'd be the first one to get your jersey, maybe even an autograph and he pushed you playfully, telling you he better be invited to games, after all you were invited to London anytime you wanted.
And you had planned on taking him up on that offer, it wasn't like you chickened out or forget, you thought about it all the time. You couldn't do it during the school year, obviously with school and then football and work, you had to stay there and once summer came you were dragged off by family or friends and he was often off traveling Europe, sending you postcards from far off places. You would manage to send him cards too, nothing fancy but you didn't want him to think you were mad or forgot. Just in case.
There was a brief few months were you lost touch, only to hear from your brother that he was dating someone, that it was really good, might even live together. You had wanted to ask about this person but you couldn't work up the nerve, your throat had felt dry and you could barely swallow so you just walked away, wanting to feel happy but mostly feeling jealous and stupid, you had never stood a chance you were just Andre's kid brother. Who were you kidding.
It wasn't until you were twenty that you finally found the chance to visit London. You had injured your knee a few months before, nothing serious but you rushed back to football, completely messing it up and the doctor's weren't sure if you would recover, telling you to take time off. You had a break in school and you couldn't stand just sitting, not with your mom hovering and pestering, she meant well but it had drove you mad, finally begging to go somewhere, anywhere, remembering your team was playing in London, would just go there, see the game in a pub, etc. Your mom had nodded telling you to write Helder, maybe you could stay with him, he would like that, see a familiar face. You had debated but in the end decided it wouldn't hurt, firing off an email, getting a response a few days later, that made those familiar butterflies return, put a smile on your face. It didn't matter you were twenty, in that brief moment you were fourteen and having your first real crush.
(In those six years you had dated, bringing home a few guys but nothing that serious, losing your virginity of course but nothing had felt right, felt like love. So you ended them all, figuring the right guy would come along at some point).
You flew to London, making your way from Heathrow to his flat, Helder texting apologizing that he couldn't pick you up, he was running late but he'd see you soon and you just smiled, biting your nails and not sure of what you would say, hoped that in the past years you had learned not to be such a nervous kid, that you could talk to him without wanting to throw up. When you pulled up you could see him getting out of his car, he looked so different so much more handsome and mature. Your mouth had went dry, hands all clammy. You would have probably stayed in that cab had the driver not yelled for his money, you just shoving a bunch into his hand, grabbing your bag and slowly getting out, Helder grinning "My god you aren't a kid anymore. You grew up" "So did you, you look good. London has treated you well" "Except the whole lack of sun, how can I be Portuguese and not have a tan?" You laughed and followed him inside, the flat was nice, modest and it was definitely a guy's place but it wasn't bad, Helder just setting his stuff down, looking at you, "well want the grand tour, though not so grand" "I'd love one"
He showed you around, talking and you listened, probably the only person you didn't tune out after a bit, answering his questions and laughing, looking around hoping to find some sort of clue in the various photographs. You so desperately wanted to ask but you couldn't. You still couldn't after all these years just ask was he dating, what was she like. But nothing. He asked you about your knee, you told him you still didn't know, it could be okay or you could end football, Helder smiling sadly, "I hope it isn't that, I'm still planning on going to your first game you know" "Of course, I'd have to call you up and ask where the fuck you are" You smiled, going to sit and let Helder bring the drinks and some food, just watching a bit of tv, your English was okay but the accents made it difficult so you mostly just glanced at Helder, him turning every so often to smile or ask a question, you finally feeling comfortable enjoy to ask more personal things, about friends and life, whether he would stay here.
"You know, I think I will, I mean I have been here for quite a long time I even have a bit of an accent. I just hope I can find someone I really like." "I don't think that will be a problem for you, really" "Well kid it is harder than it looks, even people as handsome as me have trouble finding dates" "Well then I'm fucked" You both laughed, you just looking down at your hands, going to look back up "London suits you, you should stay" "I'll consider it, only if you promise to visit more" "Promise" You stared into his eyes for a few seconds, looking away, "I should go to bed, busy day tomorrow" "Of course, if you need anything let me know" You did your usual routine, just laying on the too small bed, willing yourself to sleep, wishing you were sleeping just a door over, that you were his bed and in his arms.
The next few days you spent with him, watching the game, both of you swearing loudly in Portuguese, making a few friends (and enemies), getting drunk and telling stories, anything that came to mind. You spent the days going with Helder when he could go, heading to all the tourist sights, you taking a million photos, Helder taking you to a few of his favorite places, going to lunch and all of that, your last day approaching and you suddenly felt the urge to tell him. Despite the fact you had a perfectly great friendship you would no doubt ruin, or the fact that he was most likely not gay, you just had to say it. You waited until dinner the last night, hoping if it made thing horrible you could just leave and not waste another minute there.
You finally worked up the courage during dinner, a small period of silence, just meeting Helder's gaze, and saying it, "I'm gay" He looked at you, blank then smiling, "Diogo, I've known since you were fourteen" You just stared, he...he knew? And he never said anything? "How..I mean, I didn't think you knew" "First off, your brother told me, talked to me about it. Secondly, I knew, not that that is a bad thing of course, I just...kind of figured it out? I always waited for you to tell me to be honest, but I just figured you knew, I knew" "no, never I mean I just..that isn't it..I. I love you Helder. I'm in love with you and have been since forever and I know you'll hate me but I just had to say it. I love you"
Helder just looked at you, you feeling like you wanted to die, sure he was fine with you being game but now you had just crossed a line, probably lost the best friend you had ever had. Hanging your head, about ready to apologize, Helder speaking before you "I never knew that. Why didn't you tell me?" "I mean I was just some stupid kid, I mean you aren't even gay and if you were you wouldn't date me, we are just friends and that is that, and god I'm so fucking stupid" Helder laughing a bit, you not understanding "What is so funny?" "Diogo you didn't know? I'm gay. I've gay since....god forever?"
You whipped your head up, he is gay? How had you not known? You couldn't say anything, just staring, Helder laughing, getting up and kissing you, just lightly at first, "i'm gary, I promise, this is not a joke or anything, I'm really gay. And I guess I love you too" You just pulling him down for a kiss, you had waited six years for this moment, you were not about to just keep talking, oh hell no. Eventually following Helder to his room, falling back on the bed and going to break the kiss, just looking at him and feeling him against you, not even blushing mostly because you wanted it so damn bad. Just tugging his shirt off, slipping your hands into his jeans and kissing his neck, scraping your teeth along his Adam's apple, just glancing up, "Fuck me Helder, I want it, I want you. I've wanted it for so long I am about to go crazy"
Helder just nodding, for once not joking or smiling, his eyes dark and piercing, making you shiver under his touch. The both of you just getting naked, Helder kissing you all over, your skin feeling like it is in fire, your heart racing, as if this is your first time again and part of you wishes it was, but it isn't, though that doesn't really matter because it is happening. Helder just running the lube over his fingers, sliding two in, going to just keep staring, quiet and it makes you nervous, want him to say something. Will eventually, Helder sliding into you, his cock pusling and you just gasping, holding on, "Oh fuck" "I've got you just tell me, did you dream of this, my cock in you, fucking you? You on your knees for me, sucking me off?" You groaning, oh fuck, kissing his jaw, this is perfect. This is exactly what you wanted. the rest of the night flashing by in a bit of a blur, fucking and talking, just sleeping sometimes and waking back up, eventually just passing out you all across him, not worried.
When you woke up, you glanced at the clock, just laying down before sitting up, fuck you missed your flight, fuck. Just getting up and getting your things, should call the airline, Helder watching "Come back to bed, you missed your flight and really, you want to leave so soon?" "no, no I just, my mom is expecting me andI have school and I am screwed" "no you aren't, just call and get the one tomorrow. Stay with me, please?" And you couldn't say no to that, just smiling and laying back down, kissing him, "You are horrible" "I'm not, I'm perfect" You just laughing, kissing his chest. So maybe you missed your flight, maybe you would miss tomorrow's too. Maybe you would just never go home.
Maybe you were meant to never leave at all