Fic: This is a Chrisnapping
Chris groaned as he rolled over, groping blindly for his buzzing phone. He reached for his glasses, then swept a finger across the screen. His inbox showed one awaiting message.
‘jam sesh. my place. come over!’
Shaking his head, he texted back, ‘it’s 2am, a time normal people sleep. no.’
Seconds later his phone buzzed again. ‘u = no fun. pleeeease? i'll be ur best friend.’
Chris smiled in spite of himself. ‘you’re already my best friend. now leave me alone.’
He stared down at the phone, waiting for it to buzz in response. Minutes ticked by silently, until finally Chris placed the phone back on the nightstand, judging himself just a bit for his disappointment at how easily Darren had given up.
Sighing, he threw back the covers and padded to his kitchen for some water.
***
As he drew the covers back over himself, he heard a tapping - a syncopated staccato beat. He stilled for a moment, unsure whether it was reality or his mind already drifting back to dreams. The tapping came again. He glanced at the clock beside his bed. Half past two. Damnit. He threw the covers back again and stood, shaking his head. This was not happening.
Fingers drummed against his front door as he approached. “No. No, no, no,” he admonished, clicking the locks and pulling the door ajar. “No,” he said flatly.
Standing there, still fully dressed from the day though looking adorably rumbled and smiling innocently, was Darren.
“I’m your best friend?”
“Not anymore.”
Darren pouted in response.
“Fine. Yes. Can you go away now?” Chris did his best to look thoroughly annoyed, but his smile betrayed him.
“Yes. But you’re coming with me. This is a Chrisnapping.” Darren stepped toward Chris as Chris backed away slowly, shaking his head.
“No way. Absolutely not. You’re out of your mind.” He threw up his hands defensively.
“You have ten seconds. I suggest you spend them finding pants.”
Chris fixed him with a look, and Darren tilted his head expectantly.
“Nine. Eight. Sev-”
“I despise you,” Chris interrupted, turning on his heel and trudging in the direction of his bedroom.
“That’s not a very nice thing to say to your best friend,” Darren yelled after him.
***
Darren checked his watch. Ten minutes had passed.
“Chris, I swear on my guitar that if you’re fixing your hair you’ll live to regret it.”
“I’m not going.” Chris reappeared in the living room then, fully dressed.
Darren quirked an eyebrow. “And you put on jeans and a hoodie to tell me that?”
“Um. Yes.” Chris crossed his arms.
Darren leaned back on the couch, propping his feet up on the coffee table. “The way I see it, we can do this one of two ways. Option one, you walk out of here on your own accord.”
Chris narrowed his eyes. “Or?”
“Or I carry you out against your will.” Darren’s eyes crinkled as his smile widened. “Your choice. Bestie.”
“You wouldn’t.”
“I would.”
“You couldn’t.”
“Is that a challenge?” Darren bounded off the couch and crossed the room before Chris could react. He grabbed Chris’s wrist and, bending at the waist, wrapped his other arm around Chris’s legs, then stood, effectively draping Chris across his shoulder.
Chris let out a squeal and kicked his legs wildly while fisting his hands in Darren’s shirt. “You lunatic. Put me down this minute.”
“Not until you promise to come with me.” Darren walked toward the door.
“No.”
“Chris.”
“No.”
“Does it look like you’re in a position to argue?”
Chris sighed and slumped against Darren’s back. “This had better be worth it, or you’re going on my list.”
“And when has spending time with me not been worth it?”
“Shut up.” Chris reached down and smacked Darren’s behind.
“Dude, violence is never the answer.” Darren paused in the entryway and angled Chris toward the hutch. “Keys.”
Chris sighed, then reached out for them. “You can put me down now, caveman. I surrender to the kidnapping.”
“Chrisnapping.”
“Whatever.”
***
“Buckle up for safety!” Darren was entirely too chipper for this time of night. He looked over at Chris to find him staring at him.
“What are you doing?”
“Studying your face so I can give a thorough description to the sketch artist later. You know, when I report my Chrisnapping to the proper authorities.”
“Ah.” Darren nodded, then reached into the backseat. “Here,” he said, handing Chris a small cardboard box. “Take your pick.”
Chris pulled out the top paper and angled it to catch the light of the streetlamps. “Wow,” he breathed, studying the sketch. “This is amazing.”
“Isn’t it? These fans, man. Incredible. Though I have no idea what in hell to do with all this stuff. I mean, some of them deserve frames they’re so beautiful. But I’m pretty sure I’d feel like the biggest narcissistic jackass in the world with framed pictures of myself everywhere. I mean, really - what do you do with this stuff?”
“Mom. She loves it. Refuses to throw any of it out. She has everything labeled and categorized and filed. Dad teases her about building a museum.”
“So that’s where your OCD tendencies come from, huh?”
“Oh, you have no idea.” He looked back at the sketch in his hand. “You are unfairly good looking, you know that right?”
Darren huffed a laugh. “Well, that’s the pot calling the kettle gorgeous.”
Chris rolled his eyes and pointed back to the sketch. “These eyebrows? I mean, c’mon, anyone else would look like a cartoon character with these things. I hate you a little for actually making them look this good.”
“Ooooh, I’ve always wanted to be a cartoon character.”
Chris nodded in agreement. “I’d totally be a Ninja Turtle.”
“You and the swords, man. I swear.”
“Shut up. I love them.”
“I know. That’s the terrifying part. It’s like something you’d make up for Two Truths and a Lie. Like, ‘hi, I’m Chris Colfer. I have a ten octave vocal range, I love playing with sai swords, and I’m single-handedly conquering the world’. The one people wouldn’t believe is the swords.”
“Part of why I love them. Gotta keep people guessing.” Chris smiled smugly.
“You’re an enigma, man.”
“Yep.” Chris reached out then and turned on the radio. He arched an eyebrow at Darren when his own voice filled the car. “Seriously?”
“What? It’s a good song. And this kid can really sing.” Darren turned the volume up to full blast and sang along.