Why am I happier during something I hate?
I hate being alone alot, it makes me feel even more lonely than usual, but when people come back, for some reason I get really annoyed with their presence. God, I'm such a hard bitch to please.
Today I started my packing for Brooklyn. I have all the clothes packed, but I still have yet to do the stuff I have a very high tendency of leaving, stuff like shampoo and all that hygien jazz. I have to be carefull not to pack too much so that I have space for purchases made on the trip.
I was originally going to play Kingdom Hearts II today, but I couldn't find it, which made me very angry and sad. I'm so attached to that game, I love it with all my heart. I went through all the potential cases it could've been in at my Mom's house periodically during the day. Then tonight I realized it must be at my Dad's house, so I went over there and tore through all the cases and finally found it. I was so happy and relieved that I felt like crying. That's how much I love that game. It's really pitiful, I know. I believe that it's the game that sent me into a depression last summer once I had beat it. But I don't care, the game makes me feel more than I usually do in life. I usually end up numbing my feelings in reality, so I like books/movies/games that are able to make me feel emotions very strongly. ...I'm such a mess with my priorities. My Dad's already told me that my attachment to my fantasy worlds most likely isn't healthy. He tried to get me to give them up after last summer. I'm never going to give up my fantasy worlds, they make the pain of reality a little easier to bear.
Tomorrow I had wanted to hopefully go to the beach, but it looks like once again plans made by me are going to fail. It's funny in an ironic way, usually the only way I can have a social life anymore is if I make the plans for something, but whenever I do make plans for something...they always fail. Maybe I'm just destined to be an anti-social, lonely, and socially awkward girl. ...hopefully things get better in college. I have to try and be optomistic...it's the only way I'm going to survive this summer.
Mom and Donnie were supposed to leave for downstate to go to ceremonies today, but Donnie has pnemonia so they didn't go. Donnie's actually in the hospital until tomorrow, but luckily he's doing a lot better. And now it turns out that Joel's not feeling good either. He's working down in Virginia right now, but he's really not feeling well and has even thrown up a few times, so he's going to see a doctor tomorrow. I hope both of them get well really soon.
Well, I'm out. Good-bye.