Bachelorette Commercial Break!
Oh Bachelorette! Thou art my weakness and my strength. Thou taketh thy sap and thy ooze and poureth it on my parched heart. My heart that aches for the magical romance that hath be brought on by helicopter rides and European excursions. Where doth my six pack clad harem of men roam? Doth roam in California? New York? Iceland? Turkey? Where art thou men? WHERE ART THOU?!?!
It was only on the commercial break that Samantha realized she had not a harem of muscley men waiting at the Hyatt down the road to take her on the romantic helicopter mountain adventure of her womanly dreams. Her romantic life partner was not vying for her love, but instead was wrapping up at the office. He was not slathered in olive oil, wrestling for her affection. No. He was getting into his Nissan Sentra after spending his day sitting in a cubicle.
It's all good. I would feel both awkward and whorish had I a team of men "seeking" out my love. Although the far away travels would be fun... Man. I wish ABC would have paid for my boyfriend and I to go on our first few dates. Here's to saying we wouldn't have had baked ziti at Figlio in Uptown. We probably would have mentioned the status of our hearts at least once every 15 minutes and would have been reaffirming that we were wherever ABC had sent us for love.
But with all that bliss comes the emergence of men who slowly yet surely become not endeared towards me, but obsessed. Samantha does not appreciate the overly zealous who tattoo creepy symbols into their wrists and those who sulk and pity themselves over every moment they are away from her. That is weird. At least Samantha's current life lover hath a life of his own where he drives his Sentra and sits in his cubicle, thinking not of her, but of more worldy things that are almost as important as she.
Oh! There go some more fireworks. Over some water. In Turkey. Yes folks! He is without a doubt falling for Ali. Just like every other guy. He surely anticipates that a night such as this is a mere reflection of what a lifetime with her could be. As we all know, my lover and I have our nightly firework viewing scheduled for after dark. We also plan on doing our regular hot tubbing and candle lit dinner after he gets home. This weekend we're planning on taking a helicopter to Wisconsin only to go to a spa where we'll get massages together and afterward take a romantic walk on a lit up street whispering sweet nothings to each other. You know, the usual weekend getaway. God forbid we just stay home and do yardwork. How unromantic! THE LOVE WOULD SURELY DIE.
And yet, I can't get enough of this Monday night indulgence that is The Bachelorette. Who will she eliminate? Who will show his creepy crazy side? Who has a girlfirend? (there's always one!) A Monday night with a glass of wine and The Bachelorette is a good night indeed. Despite all the ridiculous broken hearts and perfect fits, I have hope that Ali will find love. Hopefully with Ty or Roberto because they are my personal favorites. Oh, and the Sconnie too (I don't remember his name). He's adorable.
Ha! Frank bought a rug. What a douche.