survey
SURVEY
BACKGROUND INFORMATION:
1. Are you male or female? female
2. Did you lose your mother, your father, or both? mother
3. What age are you now? 33
4. What age were you when your parent died? 33
5. Did you live with the parent you lost at that time? No. She lived about an hour away from me.
6. What was their cause of death? Leukemia
7. Did you have any siblings at the time? If so, what gender and ages were they then? One sister - age 41.
8. Were your parents together? divorced
9. Did your other parent remarry? If so, how soon after your parent’s death? My parents were divorced when I was 7 - so about 26 years ago. My mother remarried my stepfather when I was 10. He started dating about 3 weeks after my mother died.
SHORT ANSWERS:
1. If your parent was sick, did you become closer to them because they were sick? Did you get along with them more? or less? Yes- absolutely, we got a lot closer. She was my best friend
2. How is your relationship with your remaining parent? Did your remaining parent support and comfort you, and remain in your life? Or did they leave or emotionally shut down? My dad and I are close. My step-father and I have NEVER been close. I just saw him for the first time the Sunday after Thanksgiving and my mom died Sept. 2.
3. Did growing up without one of your parents affect your gender roles? How so (do you have more of the stereotypical “feminine” traits, or “masculine” traits)? I was already a "grown-up", so, no.
4. Did the remaining parent’s parenting style change (how much they care about what you do)? What was it like before and what did it change to? See answer # 2.
5. Do you feel different from people who haven’t experienced this loss? Please explain. Yes, absolutely, until you've walked that path, you can't really know what it's like.
6. Did you take on more responsibilities at home/with your family? If so, what are they? With my family of origin? No - see #2.
7. Are there any positive outcomes from the loss? Please explain. It has helped me to empathize with people who are in pain from a loss of a parent - or any loss for that matter.
8. Do you look to other people as a parent substitute? If so, who and for what things? My mother-in-law is awesome. She is very different from my mother- personality wise, but they do share a love for flowers! - Not related at all to the question, but it is something they have in common. My mother's death is so recent - that I really don't know what to say as far as substitute - it is just a DEEP, DEEP void that I have. We talked every day, sometimes 3-4 times. (I am a SAHM to an 17 month old - so I crave that adult conversation!) I have not found anyone to fill that void.
9. How are your relationships with your siblings? Did they change after the loss, how so? My relationship with my sister is very strange. I would like to be close to her, but she doesn't really make time to cultivate a relationship with me. I have tried. She is very busy with her own life so I try not to bother her. I feel like I am in her way. I don't think her husband likes me so that makes me feel uncomfortable.
10. Do you feel that your parent’s death is a defining moment in your life? How much? ABSOLUTELY - too soon to tell how much. I am still trying to figure out how much. I just know that life will NEVER be the same.
11. How would you describe your current attitude towards separation and/or loss? To be polite - it is sad for those of us left behind; to be honest - IT SUCKS!
12. Which do you feel affected you more: the actual loss of your parent or the subsequent changes in your family? Please explain. Right now, I'd have to say the actual loss and it is too soon to say anymore.
13. How, if at all, has your loss affected your romantic relationships? My husband is VERY supportive. He is my human rock.
14. If you are a parent, do you think the loss of your own parent affected your parenting? How? I don;t want my little guy to grow up so fast. I get sad, too thinking about all my mother will miss out on in his life - and vice versa - getting to know her.
15. If you are not a parent, what are or were your thoughts about having children? See # 14
16. What are some coping mechanisms you have used over the years to manage without your parent? A good cry, talking to my best friend, calling a friend or family member
17. When do you miss your parent the most? Too many times to count during the day. When we come home from music class and I want to tell her what Samuel did today, etc.... the milestones... when I need to know how to make one of her recipes - that happened today.
All day, everyday somedays.
BACKGROUND INFORMATION:
1. Are you male or female? female
2. Did you lose your mother, your father, or both? mother
3. What age are you now? 33
4. What age were you when your parent died? 33
5. Did you live with the parent you lost at that time? No. She lived about an hour away from me.
6. What was their cause of death? Leukemia
7. Did you have any siblings at the time? If so, what gender and ages were they then? One sister - age 41.
8. Were your parents together? divorced
9. Did your other parent remarry? If so, how soon after your parent’s death? My parents were divorced when I was 7 - so about 26 years ago. My mother remarried my stepfather when I was 10. He started dating about 3 weeks after my mother died.
SHORT ANSWERS:
1. If your parent was sick, did you become closer to them because they were sick? Did you get along with them more? or less? Yes- absolutely, we got a lot closer. She was my best friend
2. How is your relationship with your remaining parent? Did your remaining parent support and comfort you, and remain in your life? Or did they leave or emotionally shut down? My dad and I are close. My step-father and I have NEVER been close. I just saw him for the first time the Sunday after Thanksgiving and my mom died Sept. 2.
3. Did growing up without one of your parents affect your gender roles? How so (do you have more of the stereotypical “feminine” traits, or “masculine” traits)? I was already a "grown-up", so, no.
4. Did the remaining parent’s parenting style change (how much they care about what you do)? What was it like before and what did it change to? See answer # 2.
5. Do you feel different from people who haven’t experienced this loss? Please explain. Yes, absolutely, until you've walked that path, you can't really know what it's like.
6. Did you take on more responsibilities at home/with your family? If so, what are they? With my family of origin? No - see #2.
7. Are there any positive outcomes from the loss? Please explain. It has helped me to empathize with people who are in pain from a loss of a parent - or any loss for that matter.
8. Do you look to other people as a parent substitute? If so, who and for what things? My mother-in-law is awesome. She is very different from my mother- personality wise, but they do share a love for flowers! - Not related at all to the question, but it is something they have in common. My mother's death is so recent - that I really don't know what to say as far as substitute - it is just a DEEP, DEEP void that I have. We talked every day, sometimes 3-4 times. (I am a SAHM to an 17 month old - so I crave that adult conversation!) I have not found anyone to fill that void.
9. How are your relationships with your siblings? Did they change after the loss, how so? My relationship with my sister is very strange. I would like to be close to her, but she doesn't really make time to cultivate a relationship with me. I have tried. She is very busy with her own life so I try not to bother her. I feel like I am in her way. I don't think her husband likes me so that makes me feel uncomfortable.
10. Do you feel that your parent’s death is a defining moment in your life? How much? ABSOLUTELY - too soon to tell how much. I am still trying to figure out how much. I just know that life will NEVER be the same.
11. How would you describe your current attitude towards separation and/or loss? To be polite - it is sad for those of us left behind; to be honest - IT SUCKS!
12. Which do you feel affected you more: the actual loss of your parent or the subsequent changes in your family? Please explain. Right now, I'd have to say the actual loss and it is too soon to say anymore.
13. How, if at all, has your loss affected your romantic relationships? My husband is VERY supportive. He is my human rock.
14. If you are a parent, do you think the loss of your own parent affected your parenting? How? I don;t want my little guy to grow up so fast. I get sad, too thinking about all my mother will miss out on in his life - and vice versa - getting to know her.
15. If you are not a parent, what are or were your thoughts about having children? See # 14
16. What are some coping mechanisms you have used over the years to manage without your parent? A good cry, talking to my best friend, calling a friend or family member
17. When do you miss your parent the most? Too many times to count during the day. When we come home from music class and I want to tell her what Samuel did today, etc.... the milestones... when I need to know how to make one of her recipes - that happened today.
All day, everyday somedays.