Therapy in December
The Friday after they hired Charlie on as their new part time retail clerk and six days after they decided that they were, in fact, going to try to have a baby, John and Allison sat in Dr. Conley's office, waiting for him to return. It was good, John thought, that after September they'd been able to go down to one visit a week; he had no doubt they'd have to go back to twice a week (if not more) come February and March, but at least they were prepared.
They knew what worked and they knew what didn't. Though to be honest, out of everyone John might consider telling about his plans of building a family with Allison, it was their therapist whose opinion he was actually concerned about. That, he was willing to bet, is what made the difference between him and Allison going to a therapist, and Dib going to one.
John gave Allison a smile and a quick handsqueeze as Dr. Conley came in and sat down. "How are you two doing today?"
"Good, I think. Pretty good. Interesting week, and not in the bad way."
Allison smiled back at John, squeezing his hand in return. "Yes. Very interesting. Very good."
"Oh?" He was glad to hear that, really. He was always glad when things were going well. "Would you like to talk about that?"
"We hired a new girl, Charlie." Might as well start there, right? "And we kind of figured out that we'd been doing this thing of...semi-adopting kids we run into. Not...anyone in our situation, not really, but just kids who need something that maybe we could've used." That might not make as much sense aloud as it did in his head, but, whatever.
"What do you think that is about, exactly? Semi-adopting people?"
"We thought..." Allison thought for a moment. "Maybe that we were trying to keep things like that from happening to other people. Or maybe trying to build our own family. In a way?"
"Do you think it's working?"
John shrugged. He and Allison tended to fall into this pattern of answering questions one after the other when Dr. Conley didn't ask one of them specifically. "I think it helps us feel a little better but I mean, realistically, I hope no one is ever in the position we were in and I don't...know how much good helping out two kids is gonna do, but it's a hell of a lot better than nothing."
He took a breath and glanced at Allison again. "We decided we wanted to start our own family, though. As in, have a baby. Which is something because last year we barely got through a conversation about even considering it."
Dr Conley looks a little surprised at the idea. "That is quite an improvement. Do you think that's something that you're ready for, having a baby?"
"I think so," Allison nodded. "It doesn't scare me anymore. I don't think that we'd mess it up."
He nods, too, but doesn't immediately change his expression. "Why did it used to scare you? I'd like to hear from both of you."
"I think...we were afraid that whatever was wrong with us was genetic. That any child we had would be doomed from the start."
"Yes. And I was a little afraid that I wouldn't be able to deal with a child, or a baby. The problems they can have."
"But you don't feel that way now? Either of you?"
"I think we can deal with anything. I mean, most people aren't 100% prepared to be a parent because it's so hands on. Even if you've had children before, it'd still be that way. And I don't think we're crazy. A little damaged, maybe, but that's because of our lives."
"The things we've already dealt with...they can't really be less difficult than what a kid would be like. I think we can do it."
Dr. Conley nodded and went through some notes. "It sounds like you've put a lot of thought into this. I think you're about as prepared as any couple your age would be, in spite or perhaps because of your history, but there is one thing that I'm worried about. Specifically with you, Allison."
Allison blinked at the doctor, glancing at John. That was a little worrying, wasn't it? "With me?"
John reached over and squeezed her hand again while the doctor continued. "You've had this habit of ignoring when you're uncomfortable, physically. I don't even think it's purely conscious anymore, and you have improved, but there is a lot of changes you body would go through while you're pregnant."
"Ah." Another squeeze. "...yeah." Because Allison did do that, and during the winter when it was cold and they both tended to get three-day illnesses, sometimes it was a bit worrying.
She did tend to do that, she knew. And most of the time, it wasn't really on purpose. A burn here, or a bruise. A cold or just forgetting to sleep. Still... "Oh. That would be a problem then, when I am." A frown. "How do I keep from doing that?"
"I want the two of you to do me a favor. John, I want you to actually ask her when you think she's ignoring what her body is telling her. In turn, I want you, Allison, to promise to answer him honestly."
She thought about it for a moment, looking at John and squeezing his hand again. "...all right." Could she promise that? Did she want to? She wanted this, and she wanted them to be happy. "I promise."
"We can do that." He smiled in return and looped their fingers together. "I think that would work, yeah."
Dr. Conley smiled at them both. "Then good luck to the two of you. I look forward to hearing about it."
They knew what worked and they knew what didn't. Though to be honest, out of everyone John might consider telling about his plans of building a family with Allison, it was their therapist whose opinion he was actually concerned about. That, he was willing to bet, is what made the difference between him and Allison going to a therapist, and Dib going to one.
John gave Allison a smile and a quick handsqueeze as Dr. Conley came in and sat down. "How are you two doing today?"
"Good, I think. Pretty good. Interesting week, and not in the bad way."
Allison smiled back at John, squeezing his hand in return. "Yes. Very interesting. Very good."
"Oh?" He was glad to hear that, really. He was always glad when things were going well. "Would you like to talk about that?"
"We hired a new girl, Charlie." Might as well start there, right? "And we kind of figured out that we'd been doing this thing of...semi-adopting kids we run into. Not...anyone in our situation, not really, but just kids who need something that maybe we could've used." That might not make as much sense aloud as it did in his head, but, whatever.
"What do you think that is about, exactly? Semi-adopting people?"
"We thought..." Allison thought for a moment. "Maybe that we were trying to keep things like that from happening to other people. Or maybe trying to build our own family. In a way?"
"Do you think it's working?"
John shrugged. He and Allison tended to fall into this pattern of answering questions one after the other when Dr. Conley didn't ask one of them specifically. "I think it helps us feel a little better but I mean, realistically, I hope no one is ever in the position we were in and I don't...know how much good helping out two kids is gonna do, but it's a hell of a lot better than nothing."
He took a breath and glanced at Allison again. "We decided we wanted to start our own family, though. As in, have a baby. Which is something because last year we barely got through a conversation about even considering it."
Dr Conley looks a little surprised at the idea. "That is quite an improvement. Do you think that's something that you're ready for, having a baby?"
"I think so," Allison nodded. "It doesn't scare me anymore. I don't think that we'd mess it up."
He nods, too, but doesn't immediately change his expression. "Why did it used to scare you? I'd like to hear from both of you."
"I think...we were afraid that whatever was wrong with us was genetic. That any child we had would be doomed from the start."
"Yes. And I was a little afraid that I wouldn't be able to deal with a child, or a baby. The problems they can have."
"But you don't feel that way now? Either of you?"
"I think we can deal with anything. I mean, most people aren't 100% prepared to be a parent because it's so hands on. Even if you've had children before, it'd still be that way. And I don't think we're crazy. A little damaged, maybe, but that's because of our lives."
"The things we've already dealt with...they can't really be less difficult than what a kid would be like. I think we can do it."
Dr. Conley nodded and went through some notes. "It sounds like you've put a lot of thought into this. I think you're about as prepared as any couple your age would be, in spite or perhaps because of your history, but there is one thing that I'm worried about. Specifically with you, Allison."
Allison blinked at the doctor, glancing at John. That was a little worrying, wasn't it? "With me?"
John reached over and squeezed her hand again while the doctor continued. "You've had this habit of ignoring when you're uncomfortable, physically. I don't even think it's purely conscious anymore, and you have improved, but there is a lot of changes you body would go through while you're pregnant."
"Ah." Another squeeze. "...yeah." Because Allison did do that, and during the winter when it was cold and they both tended to get three-day illnesses, sometimes it was a bit worrying.
She did tend to do that, she knew. And most of the time, it wasn't really on purpose. A burn here, or a bruise. A cold or just forgetting to sleep. Still... "Oh. That would be a problem then, when I am." A frown. "How do I keep from doing that?"
"I want the two of you to do me a favor. John, I want you to actually ask her when you think she's ignoring what her body is telling her. In turn, I want you, Allison, to promise to answer him honestly."
She thought about it for a moment, looking at John and squeezing his hand again. "...all right." Could she promise that? Did she want to? She wanted this, and she wanted them to be happy. "I promise."
"We can do that." He smiled in return and looped their fingers together. "I think that would work, yeah."
Dr. Conley smiled at them both. "Then good luck to the two of you. I look forward to hearing about it."