Everything Meme. Have at me with Relationship, First Impressions, Hot or Not, Essay, Please Ramble About This At Me, Explain Your Thoughts on Their Thoughts, You Should Jump Me, App My Canon and whatever you want to ask for.
YOU WERE CLOSE it's Sheffield and O'Brien. And. OH GOD.
Sheffield will never stop bothering her, I'm pretty sure. I had Sheffield as both her boggart and her time flower flashback and he's still... really important to her in a lot of ways! To her he's the representation of everything that's wrong with humanity - this HORRIBLE PERSON who just. Had no regard for anything outside himself and his own power. The problem is that she still can't really make herself hate him. Sera sees a lot of people who do horrible things and don't hate them for it (Angel is a good example of this), but she doesn't hate them because she can usually at least dimly understand where they're coming from. Sheffield she doesn't understand. She's scared of understanding him, because not only would that mean she empathized with a genuine sociopath but that it would be to fully accept on a visceral level that one of the most important people in her life only thought of her as a pawn. She knows that it's true, but she doesn't want to understand it.
...I don't know if any of that makes sense, FEEL FREE TO MAKE ME TALK MORE, clearly Sera's feelings on Sheffield are both conflicted and confusing.
O'BRIEN IS EASIER because he's just a pretty simple source of guilt. Baaaww I misjudged this awesome guy who died for me and his sense of principle, baaaawwww. Then we get into interesting tie-ups with her feelings about O'Brien as they cross over to AI!Heat, but most of that has more to do with AI!Heat, so I'll leave that for now.
Can I ask for her feelings on O'Brian as crossed over with Heat? Because now I'm kinda curious. And generally how her feelings on their past lives crosses over onto their AI selves.
I've talked to Heat about this before, at least, but some of her guilt about AI!Heat is based off of the fact she modeled him on RL!Heat. So their weird INTERSECTING DESTINY thing is all her fault. This basically puts her in the position of feeling semi-responsible for the fact Heat punched through Serph! And that means she can only blame Heat so much for it - it's the reason she forgave him so immediately when she saw him in camp, and related to the reason she basically told him he could devour her back in canon. EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENS TO THE HEATS is her fault somehow, either because of her misconception or conscious design that backfired in horrible ways. She tries to get past that feeling when she talks to Heat but it's hard in some ways.
Her whole psyche sort of rests on her assurance that RL!Serph is NOT AI!Serph so that doesn't cross over much, but... well, she adores AI!Serph in a lot of the same ways she adored RL!Serph before she found out the truth about him. She tries not to think about that ever.
Sheffield will never stop bothering her, I'm pretty sure. I had Sheffield as both her boggart and her time flower flashback and he's still... really important to her in a lot of ways! To her he's the representation of everything that's wrong with humanity - this HORRIBLE PERSON who just. Had no regard for anything outside himself and his own power. The problem is that she still can't really make herself hate him. Sera sees a lot of people who do horrible things and don't hate them for it (Angel is a good example of this), but she doesn't hate them because she can usually at least dimly understand where they're coming from. Sheffield she doesn't understand. She's scared of understanding him, because not only would that mean she empathized with a genuine sociopath but that it would be to fully accept on a visceral level that one of the most important people in her life only thought of her as a pawn. She knows that it's true, but she doesn't want to understand it.
...I don't know if any of that makes sense, FEEL FREE TO MAKE ME TALK MORE, clearly Sera's feelings on Sheffield are both conflicted and confusing.
O'BRIEN IS EASIER because he's just a pretty simple source of guilt. Baaaww I misjudged this awesome guy who died for me and his sense of principle, baaaawwww. Then we get into interesting tie-ups with her feelings about O'Brien as they cross over to AI!Heat, but most of that has more to do with AI!Heat, so I'll leave that for now.
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I've talked to Heat about this before, at least, but some of her guilt about AI!Heat is based off of the fact she modeled him on RL!Heat. So their weird INTERSECTING DESTINY thing is all her fault. This basically puts her in the position of feeling semi-responsible for the fact Heat punched through Serph! And that means she can only blame Heat so much for it - it's the reason she forgave him so immediately when she saw him in camp, and related to the reason she basically told him he could devour her back in canon. EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENS TO THE HEATS is her fault somehow, either because of her misconception or conscious design that backfired in horrible ways. She tries to get past that feeling when she talks to Heat but it's hard in some ways.
Her whole psyche sort of rests on her assurance that RL!Serph is NOT AI!Serph so that doesn't cross over much, but... well, she adores AI!Serph in a lot of the same ways she adored RL!Serph before she found out the truth about him. She tries not to think about that ever.
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