(no subject)
Bad
Celebrities have got some nerve. Just because they're ogled by readers of People magazine and viewers of E! Entertainment Television, they think they've got some special license to ruin the lives of children. Namely the lives of their own children.
Perhaps you disagree. Perhaps you are ignorant. In defence of my claim, I call to the stand one benign-looking, child-hating waif of a mom, Ms. Gwyneth Paltrow. Recently she brought a daughter into this world and, just as quickly as that little one let loose its first squeal, its innocence was taken and what precious life it should have had was all but obliterated.
No wire hangers, Pace Picante!
Q. How?
A. The child was christened Apple Blythe Alison Martin.
Q. Why?
A. Because celebrities are sensitive weenies whose heads are filled with notions of their own sparkling individuality. They cannot be certain that their offspring will be as sparklingly individualistic as themselves so they give the children no choice. They assign them hippie-child names.
Don't believe me? Think I'm full of cockamamie conspiracies? Then consider Blanket Jackson. Think of Scout Willis. Remember Moon Unit Zappa.
But there is a solution, my friends. There is a way to save the children from the weenies and the hippies. We must over-individualize ourselves.
Henceforth I will be known as A.J., or Almond Joy, McCormick. If you feel compelled to fight alongside me for the sake of the poor children of privilege, then take up one of these names:
Chipotle
Dachshund
Peru
Mount Vesuvius
Cellophane
Reginald
Mayonnaise
Churn
Portcullis
Floodwaters
Kyle
Rabies
Apollonia
Checklist
Talcum Powder
Cottonball Malone
If none of these are right for you, improvise!
Better
If you've signed on as an ill-named benefactor of the chillin', that's all the better you need.
Best
These things:
My galpal introduced me to Muscat (i.e. Muscadine) Gummies and now I'm hooked. The package says it better than I ever could, its "aroma so gentle and mellow offer admiring feelings of a graceful lady." Plus, it's certified 100% gibberish, and it's the gibberish taste that really makes the difference.
Celebrities have got some nerve. Just because they're ogled by readers of People magazine and viewers of E! Entertainment Television, they think they've got some special license to ruin the lives of children. Namely the lives of their own children.
Perhaps you disagree. Perhaps you are ignorant. In defence of my claim, I call to the stand one benign-looking, child-hating waif of a mom, Ms. Gwyneth Paltrow. Recently she brought a daughter into this world and, just as quickly as that little one let loose its first squeal, its innocence was taken and what precious life it should have had was all but obliterated.
No wire hangers, Pace Picante!
Q. How?
A. The child was christened Apple Blythe Alison Martin.
Q. Why?
A. Because celebrities are sensitive weenies whose heads are filled with notions of their own sparkling individuality. They cannot be certain that their offspring will be as sparklingly individualistic as themselves so they give the children no choice. They assign them hippie-child names.
Don't believe me? Think I'm full of cockamamie conspiracies? Then consider Blanket Jackson. Think of Scout Willis. Remember Moon Unit Zappa.
But there is a solution, my friends. There is a way to save the children from the weenies and the hippies. We must over-individualize ourselves.
Henceforth I will be known as A.J., or Almond Joy, McCormick. If you feel compelled to fight alongside me for the sake of the poor children of privilege, then take up one of these names:
Chipotle
Dachshund
Peru
Mount Vesuvius
Cellophane
Reginald
Mayonnaise
Churn
Portcullis
Floodwaters
Kyle
Rabies
Apollonia
Checklist
Talcum Powder
Cottonball Malone
If none of these are right for you, improvise!
Better
If you've signed on as an ill-named benefactor of the chillin', that's all the better you need.
Best
These things:
My galpal introduced me to Muscat (i.e. Muscadine) Gummies and now I'm hooked. The package says it better than I ever could, its "aroma so gentle and mellow offer admiring feelings of a graceful lady." Plus, it's certified 100% gibberish, and it's the gibberish taste that really makes the difference.