(no subject)
I have been sick. It's winter and I work in a school. I have allergies and asthma. So, being sick isn't a big surprise. Not only that but I've gotten sick (like pretty damn sick) every winter for like the last 5 years. Last year I got Bronchitis.
This winter is a little different. I don't know what's wrong. So far the doctors don't know what's wrong. It sounds like it could just be a really bad virus. Or it could just be diabetes... Honestly, I might not ever know. I got a whole lot of labs done today, but I refused a test that might have told more, but could have been dangerous. I guess if I get better that's the only thing I really care about, anyways. And it sounds like they think it's a virus and that I will just get better on my own.
Part of the frustrating thing is that sometimes I feel just fine and other times I feel like I'm doped up on morphine. It's stupid, but when I don't know what's wrong and the symptoms don't make any sense, it's the times when I feel good that frustrate me... It's like I have difficulty believing I'm sick because I don't know what to call it. But my mom made a good point, that the fact that I'm having times when I'm feeling better is really good news and means that this might go away on its own.
While I'm sure any mom could say something like that, having a mom that was a nurse for 10 years and has always really studied medicine for personal reasons makes her words mean a little more to me. Also, I'm grateful for her ability to break down medical jargon to something that's easy to understand without loosing it's meaning. I appreciate that she answers my questions, even when I keep asking why.
I appreciate it even more because doctors and nursing have a "you should do what I say" attitude and they only explain things as much as they are legally required too. And despite the fact that I'm having cognitive issues, I'm still the kind of person who likes to think for myself and doesn't believe that having a medical degree makes you god. I'm willing to believe that they know more than me, but that's not the same as believing that they will always know what's right for me. What's right for me is a personal decision that I have to make for myself, and while I would really like it if they would help me make that decision by informing me... I refuse to fall victim to their blinding manipulation and fear tactics. Sorry that shit just really pisses me off.
This winter is a little different. I don't know what's wrong. So far the doctors don't know what's wrong. It sounds like it could just be a really bad virus. Or it could just be diabetes... Honestly, I might not ever know. I got a whole lot of labs done today, but I refused a test that might have told more, but could have been dangerous. I guess if I get better that's the only thing I really care about, anyways. And it sounds like they think it's a virus and that I will just get better on my own.
Part of the frustrating thing is that sometimes I feel just fine and other times I feel like I'm doped up on morphine. It's stupid, but when I don't know what's wrong and the symptoms don't make any sense, it's the times when I feel good that frustrate me... It's like I have difficulty believing I'm sick because I don't know what to call it. But my mom made a good point, that the fact that I'm having times when I'm feeling better is really good news and means that this might go away on its own.
While I'm sure any mom could say something like that, having a mom that was a nurse for 10 years and has always really studied medicine for personal reasons makes her words mean a little more to me. Also, I'm grateful for her ability to break down medical jargon to something that's easy to understand without loosing it's meaning. I appreciate that she answers my questions, even when I keep asking why.
I appreciate it even more because doctors and nursing have a "you should do what I say" attitude and they only explain things as much as they are legally required too. And despite the fact that I'm having cognitive issues, I'm still the kind of person who likes to think for myself and doesn't believe that having a medical degree makes you god. I'm willing to believe that they know more than me, but that's not the same as believing that they will always know what's right for me. What's right for me is a personal decision that I have to make for myself, and while I would really like it if they would help me make that decision by informing me... I refuse to fall victim to their blinding manipulation and fear tactics. Sorry that shit just really pisses me off.