(no subject)
-obligatory "geez it's been a while since i posted in lj, blah blah blah"
-i have so much going on right now, and quite frankly, it's oppressive. i have a heck of a week in front of me, and i'm stressing out. i'm looking at it, and i just don't feel like doing it. barely sleeping, doing all sorts of stupid shit because my professors are being obnoxious (i'm not one to blame it on profs, but right now, two of them are being pretty obnoxious). it's like what's the point of that? i'm about to leave this place and i still don't know what's ahead of me, what the fuck's the point of doing bullshit work that i'm not going to actually care about? that's nothing too new i guess, but now it seems exceptionally stupid.
-i played the singer-songwriter contest tonight and won. the reason i won was because there weren't as many people there as there usually are for these events, and a lot of my friends were there. in a way, it was a hollow win, but i was really happy with the songs i performed (even though my performance was shakey at times), so i don't really mind. i got compliments on the lyrics, which felt great, because i'm so self-conscious and weird about lyrics. i really love playing music, win or no win, whatever.
-i'm trying to remember all of the important things, which is loving people and doing lovely things for them. and being happy. and all that. it helps no one to do otherwise. the combination of kurt vonnegut dying and watching lots of zombie movies, as well as brazil (which is probably the biggest mindfuck i could imagine), my cynical sores have been open, but thinking about kurt vonnegut, i try to remember what it is to hold some love, or at least respect, for existence, in all it's stupidity. it's no excuse or writing off of the terrible things that people do, but it's being able to sing on the bow of a sinking ship. it might be delusional, but it's all we have.
-considering all these things, taking my time to live a little healthier and spending my energy to create the greatest whatever i have to offer makes a lot of sense.
-i have so much going on right now, and quite frankly, it's oppressive. i have a heck of a week in front of me, and i'm stressing out. i'm looking at it, and i just don't feel like doing it. barely sleeping, doing all sorts of stupid shit because my professors are being obnoxious (i'm not one to blame it on profs, but right now, two of them are being pretty obnoxious). it's like what's the point of that? i'm about to leave this place and i still don't know what's ahead of me, what the fuck's the point of doing bullshit work that i'm not going to actually care about? that's nothing too new i guess, but now it seems exceptionally stupid.
-i played the singer-songwriter contest tonight and won. the reason i won was because there weren't as many people there as there usually are for these events, and a lot of my friends were there. in a way, it was a hollow win, but i was really happy with the songs i performed (even though my performance was shakey at times), so i don't really mind. i got compliments on the lyrics, which felt great, because i'm so self-conscious and weird about lyrics. i really love playing music, win or no win, whatever.
-i'm trying to remember all of the important things, which is loving people and doing lovely things for them. and being happy. and all that. it helps no one to do otherwise. the combination of kurt vonnegut dying and watching lots of zombie movies, as well as brazil (which is probably the biggest mindfuck i could imagine), my cynical sores have been open, but thinking about kurt vonnegut, i try to remember what it is to hold some love, or at least respect, for existence, in all it's stupidity. it's no excuse or writing off of the terrible things that people do, but it's being able to sing on the bow of a sinking ship. it might be delusional, but it's all we have.
-considering all these things, taking my time to live a little healthier and spending my energy to create the greatest whatever i have to offer makes a lot of sense.