I deleted them both, but changed my mind on one.
You know. I sometimes wish that I could be obsessive over something. OCD about something, like keeping with this journal for instance. Or perhaps a favorite television show that I never miss an episode of, the x-files does not count considering that when I watched all of those it was a binge (very unlike me). When it comes down to it, I realize that I'm pretty fickle - in most things that concern my life. I'm probably the most unstable in relationships - this including and mostly pertaining to friendships. I come and go and feel like I'm constantly floating around, I feel ungrounded and confused a lot of the times. Motivation is just as unpredictable as anything else. I'll start projects and get really hyped at doing something and then it just fizzles out - I lose inspiration as well as interest. I've been sitting here trying to think of something that has remained a constant in my life. The longest running so far is my habit of smoking and drinking coffee, but those are addictions and I truly don't think that counts as a valid constant.
Trying to think of the cause leads me down just one road; My theory of life is that it should constantly be evolving and changing and the only true reason to settle about is when you find a euphoric state of happiness, but in reality I don't think such a realm exist. I think that happiness comes from different things, of which I do attain from time to time. The question is, why do I keep passing them by? What do I keep looking for?
This all sits around my thoughts on getting older and having goals. Having a plan for where you want to be and what you want to do. I thought that by trying to experience as much as possible would direct me closer to this answer, but the more time that leaks out of this flesh tells me that I still have no clue. I'm still just floating about being inconsistent. The flip side to this, why do I feel so static?
I think about both of these extremes of finding myself fickle and static and imagine that this reality should seemingly not exist, it doesn't make sense. Hence, I'm just left dazed and confused. What does this all mean?
I can't be consistent with the little things and my interactions are completely changing yet I feel like I'm moving no where. How can a person standing in one spot be constantly changing - unless of course it's not the person that is fickle but the environment around him that is. Maybe that's it. Hmm.
The equilibrium in my middle ear became unbalanced a week ago (I'm taking pills to correct this). Both of my bank accounts went in to the negative two weeks ago (I have recently fixed this). My car broke down last night (of which I had towed in to the service department today). I won the beautiful balcony contest of my apartment complex which entitles me to one hundred dollars off of my rent next month. Bad. Bad. Bad. Good. I hope this is the start of a better month.
[As a brief side note, this new Sigur Ros song is simply beautiful, par usual. Download it immediately.]
Trying to think of the cause leads me down just one road; My theory of life is that it should constantly be evolving and changing and the only true reason to settle about is when you find a euphoric state of happiness, but in reality I don't think such a realm exist. I think that happiness comes from different things, of which I do attain from time to time. The question is, why do I keep passing them by? What do I keep looking for?
This all sits around my thoughts on getting older and having goals. Having a plan for where you want to be and what you want to do. I thought that by trying to experience as much as possible would direct me closer to this answer, but the more time that leaks out of this flesh tells me that I still have no clue. I'm still just floating about being inconsistent. The flip side to this, why do I feel so static?
I think about both of these extremes of finding myself fickle and static and imagine that this reality should seemingly not exist, it doesn't make sense. Hence, I'm just left dazed and confused. What does this all mean?
I can't be consistent with the little things and my interactions are completely changing yet I feel like I'm moving no where. How can a person standing in one spot be constantly changing - unless of course it's not the person that is fickle but the environment around him that is. Maybe that's it. Hmm.
The equilibrium in my middle ear became unbalanced a week ago (I'm taking pills to correct this). Both of my bank accounts went in to the negative two weeks ago (I have recently fixed this). My car broke down last night (of which I had towed in to the service department today). I won the beautiful balcony contest of my apartment complex which entitles me to one hundred dollars off of my rent next month. Bad. Bad. Bad. Good. I hope this is the start of a better month.
[As a brief side note, this new Sigur Ros song is simply beautiful, par usual. Download it immediately.]