It only gets better... A post of Venting Anger
So right after I wrote the previous post, lamenting feeling lonely and disconnected, I get kicked in the gut - on Twitter no less.
Jen 3:00 PM: Very cranky. In serious need of adult snuggles.
Jen 8:30 M: Been stood-up for a phone date by hubby. Grrr... Anyone else want to take his place?
Right now I am so hurt and angry I can't speak. I'm going to write instead. Maybe it will help.
Key background:
Jen has been traveling, visiting her mother in Germany, for two weeks with our daughters.
This is the longest we have been apart.
This is by far the longest I have been away from the girls.
For the last week I have also been away from our home, visiting my sister.
Jen got home two days ago, and I get home tomorrow.
For most the last three days, I have been out of range of cell phone (or any other phones) in the wilds of the Rocky Mountains.
Jen and I talked Saturday morning before I left for the back country.
I called again today, Monday, as soon as we were back in a town with cell service. It was about noon, and I told her I would call tonight to catch up and spend some time talking. We did not set a time for that call.
I called at 10:30 her time - later than I had intended, but still before when either of us would usually be in bed.
When she answered, she sounded tired. I asked if it was too late to talk and she said yes, she was going to bed. So we said goodnight.
I finish packing and go to email to send Jen a quick note - and while I'm online I check Twitter.
Jen has tweeted twice today:
Jen 3:00 PM: Very cranky. In serious need of adult snuggles.
Jen 8:30 M: Been stood-up for a phone date by hubby. Grrr... Anyone else want to take his place?
I feel like if she was trying to humiliate, embarrass and hurt me, she couldn't have done a better job than that.
Here's how those posts feel:
She doesn't need me - she just need some adult physical contact.
I am an inconsiderate, rude and uncaring partner.
But that's okay, because I am also very replaceable.
All of the above is something she has a burning desire to share publicly.
Even on the best of days this would hurt.
And it strikes to the very heart of my fear of an open relationship - that I am not special to her. Anyone will do.
Jen 3:00 PM: Very cranky. In serious need of adult snuggles.
Jen 8:30 M: Been stood-up for a phone date by hubby. Grrr... Anyone else want to take his place?
Right now I am so hurt and angry I can't speak. I'm going to write instead. Maybe it will help.
Key background:
Jen has been traveling, visiting her mother in Germany, for two weeks with our daughters.
This is the longest we have been apart.
This is by far the longest I have been away from the girls.
For the last week I have also been away from our home, visiting my sister.
Jen got home two days ago, and I get home tomorrow.
For most the last three days, I have been out of range of cell phone (or any other phones) in the wilds of the Rocky Mountains.
Jen and I talked Saturday morning before I left for the back country.
I called again today, Monday, as soon as we were back in a town with cell service. It was about noon, and I told her I would call tonight to catch up and spend some time talking. We did not set a time for that call.
I called at 10:30 her time - later than I had intended, but still before when either of us would usually be in bed.
When she answered, she sounded tired. I asked if it was too late to talk and she said yes, she was going to bed. So we said goodnight.
I finish packing and go to email to send Jen a quick note - and while I'm online I check Twitter.
Jen has tweeted twice today:
Jen 3:00 PM: Very cranky. In serious need of adult snuggles.
Jen 8:30 M: Been stood-up for a phone date by hubby. Grrr... Anyone else want to take his place?
I feel like if she was trying to humiliate, embarrass and hurt me, she couldn't have done a better job than that.
Here's how those posts feel:
She doesn't need me - she just need some adult physical contact.
I am an inconsiderate, rude and uncaring partner.
But that's okay, because I am also very replaceable.
All of the above is something she has a burning desire to share publicly.
Even on the best of days this would hurt.
And it strikes to the very heart of my fear of an open relationship - that I am not special to her. Anyone will do.