Poly - Is it a choice?
One of the things that I had not considered when my wife first brought up the topic of opening our marriage was that there was a political angle to the discussion.
Getting to know a few folks in the local poly scene, it is clear that some folks consider themselves inherently polyamorous. It's part of who they are, not just a lifestyle choice. The language, the reasoning and the political agenda is a mirror of the gay/lesbian/bi/trans argument. The more vocal poly folks want social and legal representation of their relationships with all the rights and responsibilities that hetero-mono enjoy - the same rights that same sex mono couples are slowly winning through hard fought battles, one jurisdiction at a time.
One woman I have been talking with came out to her family and was deeply insulted by their suggestion that she try living monogamously, and maybe she might "get over these urges." It's a script that's been read to countless gay and lesbians over the years, so I can understand her pain.
I find it ironic that just as some African-Americans object to gays and lesbians linking their struggles to campaigns for racial civil rights, some gays and lesbians don't want any links between them and the poly crowd.
The problem, as I see it, is that laws are all about sorting, drawing a line, making a decision - this is right, and this wrong - this is your and this is mine. But race, gender, sexual orientation, and just about every other aspect of actual people just doesn't break out into neat little boxes as much as folks would sometimes like.
We need Love Judges - who can discern not just if an act is legal, but if it was motivated by compassion.
"Well, it's not legal, but you were acting from a place of Love - so it's okay." or
"Sure, what you have done meets the letter of the law, but your intent was greedy and self-self centered. You go to jail."
I think I'll end now, before the post devolves further...
Getting to know a few folks in the local poly scene, it is clear that some folks consider themselves inherently polyamorous. It's part of who they are, not just a lifestyle choice. The language, the reasoning and the political agenda is a mirror of the gay/lesbian/bi/trans argument. The more vocal poly folks want social and legal representation of their relationships with all the rights and responsibilities that hetero-mono enjoy - the same rights that same sex mono couples are slowly winning through hard fought battles, one jurisdiction at a time.
One woman I have been talking with came out to her family and was deeply insulted by their suggestion that she try living monogamously, and maybe she might "get over these urges." It's a script that's been read to countless gay and lesbians over the years, so I can understand her pain.
I find it ironic that just as some African-Americans object to gays and lesbians linking their struggles to campaigns for racial civil rights, some gays and lesbians don't want any links between them and the poly crowd.
The problem, as I see it, is that laws are all about sorting, drawing a line, making a decision - this is right, and this wrong - this is your and this is mine. But race, gender, sexual orientation, and just about every other aspect of actual people just doesn't break out into neat little boxes as much as folks would sometimes like.
We need Love Judges - who can discern not just if an act is legal, but if it was motivated by compassion.
"Well, it's not legal, but you were acting from a place of Love - so it's okay." or
"Sure, what you have done meets the letter of the law, but your intent was greedy and self-self centered. You go to jail."
I think I'll end now, before the post devolves further...