Recalling You (4/?) (IshiRuki)
Recalling You (4/?)
Fandom: Bleach
Rating: pg-13
Pairing: Rukia/Uryuu
Warnings: none
Summary: Losing his memory, Uryuu strives to escape the chaos, even her.
Notes: More thoughtfulness in this story. A couple mysteries are brought up. X-posted to hyouhakuzai_fic
part I | part II | part III
He feels as if Rukia has never been like this. Ishida can't be certain, of course, but something within his mind gives a new feeling of her behavior. Nevertheless, it is welcome as Rukia laughs lightly every now and then and hangs off his arm as if this is normal. It feels like his Other Self is whispering to him about how this hasn't happened before; she's never seemed so happy. Or at least, not in awhile.
Their feet take them to outside the barracks, to a nice little country land. It takes an hour to get there but he doesn't notice as Rukia fills him in of what she's been doing the past few days without his knowledge. She had gone back to "the world of the living" to find more information of his illness. He assumes there must be more to the story than that but she avoids whatever conflict she was confronted with and explains his amnesia is definitely temporarily. He comments here and there, attempting to collect things he knows about the sickness.
They stop at a small creek. Simultaneously sitting down together, he looks ahead, where rolling hills and blue skies fill his vision. Closing his eyes, he sees nightmares and his vague past. Then, turning to the young woman, Ishida finds that she probably is the only one who knows everything. It's never been so clear and he wonders why he hadn't realized it sooner.
"Tell me," he breathes out and when she stares at him with a torn look, he knows she understands exactly what he's talking about. Her expression changes to a frown and Rukia turns her head, hiding her face from him. Slightly exasperated, he pleads, "Rukia, I must know something. Anything. Please tell me."
Slow to meet his gaze, Rukia opens her mouth, releasing a shaky breath. Eyes drilling into his, she asks, "What do you want to know?"
There's so much he wants to know. He wants to know the truth of the Soul Society. He wants to know what he was like before. He wants to know the answer to his dreams. Most of all, he wants to know how he could possibly be linked to a woman like her. Was he not a normal human being before? She must be too much of a noble to be allowed near him. Why does she spend such time on him? What had he done? How had they met? What made her so compelled to assist him?
In all these questions, he finds himself in honest need of help. He needs this love she offers. Whatever friendship they had before is the rescue he desperately has to have now. Before, he hadn't wanted help; pride, denial, the amnesia and whatever else had kept him from accepting her. Gazing at her now, Uryuu wonders how this could have happened-how he had achieved in earning such a friend.
Running a hand through his hair, he sighs. "Where do I start?" A nervous chuckle escapes his lips. Watching her again, he spies hesitance in her eyes. "What should I know?"
Moments pass as he studies Rukia while she stares at the creek's rushing water with glazed, unseeing eyes. He thinks how beautiful she can be without knowing it. Or, perhaps she doesn't know it at all. Even wearing such a dismal expression, she's everything of apparent beauty. She's frozen in time it seems and, childishly, he's worried she'll forget what she must say to him.
Timidly, Uryuu scoots just a little closer to her and it breaks her small spell of thoughtfulness. Snapping her gaze to him, she begins quietly.
"You were the most fearless," Rukia's voice is laden with secrets he thinks he may already know. "You chose your opponents out of logic or odd chivalry. If you knew you couldn't win, you went forward anyway because...because it was out of honor," she rubs her eyes and, with some horror, he realizes she's crying. "I think I've told you all of this to you before. I must have. It's the first thing I learned when I met you."
Venturing with only some courage, he places a hand upon hers. "When did I meet you?"
"Oh, that," she laughs half-heartedly, as if covering for her sudden sadness. "It was four years ago...almost four, at least. That was when everything was so unclear. And you were so proud of what you were."
Abruptly, she stands and he quickly follows. Locked on his eyes, she stares with a strange fierceness. Before he can see it, her hand whips out to his chest and her index finger lands forcefully upon his skin. Ishida's heart stops and he can't breathe for a second before he hurriedly steps away from her. She advances, brows creased and darts her hand toward him again. He dodges, terrified by the strange turn of events.
"Rukia...! What's going-?"
Another attack and he dodges again. A feeling bursts through his chest from where she had hit him just a moment earlier. Coughing, Ishida attempts to steer clear of her punches as something overtakes him. It's painful but exhilarating all at once. Jumping back again as she makes another move, he feels in control of this new feeling and directs it away from his chest. No longer in pain, he watches as this 'feeling' is not just intangible.
Energy.
As if time stands still for only him, Uryuu watches as a string of power flows from around his arm to his hand, akin to an electric current's movements. Instinctively, he grasps the moving light of off white and shocking blues, as if he had done this before. Almost immediately, the current forms into a curved shape. It's not a second later until he realizes the force has darted to his left hand, connected to the one in his right.
Turning his heels into the dirt, he directs this newfound energy to Rukia, whose fist nearly takes a landing on him. Wide-eyed, Rukia stares at the current of light that he wields in his hands. For a moment, he thinks she may be just as terrified as he is but he doesn't get the chance know.
As he's lost part of his concentration, the control of this power is quickly slipping away. Realizing this, Ishida knows this-whatever this is-is still pointed at Rukia. Swiftly, he throws himself in the other direction as the power discharges itself from him, like an arrow released from its bow. The rest of the energy dissipates from his right hand and disappears in the air.
Numb, Uryuu falls to his knees. Rukia kneels next to him, arms around his shoulders. It occurs to Uryuu she was testing him for something and she found it. Everything was just an experiment. He can't be angry because, well, he's too exhausted.
"What...what am I?"
A heartbeat later, "A Quincy. The last one."
Uryuu knows that only brings about more questions than before but he can't care right now. It's not just the fugue amnesia this time. He's just tired. Falling back, Uryuu closes his eyes for rest as Rukia lays his head on her lap.
Comfort. That's what he remembers when waking up for the first time. He remembers lying in the middle of his kitchen and her voice and that lovely smile. How long had she been there just staying with him? What sort of devotion was this? Ishida opens his eyes momentarily to stare at her face close to his. It would have been shocking, or even uncomfortable, but all he wants is to have her near.
She smiles beautifully and he returns it.
He's not really sure, but when he closes his eyes to sleep, he thinks he feels a kiss upon his mouth. But that's silly. Because this is Rukia and the Rukia he's known so far doesn't do such things. But it doesn't matter for too long because he's already asleep.
-x-
Something about this is wrong. Actually, everything is wrong about what he's doing. It's wrong that he's entwining a hand through hers and she's smiling at him. It's wrong that she's allowing it to happen. It's wrong he's just going along with it. It's wrong they're walking down the sidewalk together, without a care that the world sees them. It's wrong he's pretending nothing's wrong.
He never meant for it to lead to this. But, at this moment, he can't care. It's odd that all his worries have gone now. Maybe it's because she's leaning her head against him. Or maybe it's because he notices how wonderful her hair smells. Perhaps it's the way their small touches are like electricity.
Romance. Yeah, that's what it's called. Is this really what it was? Part of him hopes there's even more-that maybe this surpasses some sort of label. It's something that goes beyond what movies and books present; instead this is something more real and gratifying, without remorse.
She stops them unexpectedly and glances up. With confusion he stares back. Reaching up on her toes she meets his mouth with hers pleasantly with a smile, catching him off guard. Pulling away, she chuckles at his expression and continues to lead him down the street.
-x-
Ishida glares at the wall across the room.
Well.
That was odd. And a really unnecessary dream.
He throws the pillow at the wall because, well, that dream was kind of frustrating too.
-x-
He's outside in the pathway, leaning against the wall when the medic girl comes by. Her short, white hair catches the sun and the strands glimmer. She isn't paying attention, so she nearly falls over his legs that are outstretched on the boardwalk.
Surprised, she gasps, "Ah! You shouldn't be sitting out here in the open! I almost tripped and I'm sure others will if you..."
Her ramblings are cut short when Ishida flashes her the most charming smirk he can muster. Instantly, her face flushes and she covers mouth as if to cover up a small yelp. Standing, he plants a hand on her shoulder soothingly.
"I'm sorry I worry you."
"I..."
"Would you mind telling me your name?" he questions, seeing she hasn't even made a move to begin the healing procedure.
Her body is still rigid and Ishida concludes that touching her didn't help. Face still red, she shakes her head. His shoulders slump just a little. Uryuu had hoped that maybe he could get better acquainted with her then perhaps find a better way to speed this 'healing process'.
An idea comes to mind. Making a dramatic and sweeping bow, he introduces himself, "Ishida Uryuu," and with a smirk, "We've met about ten times in a row. So isn't sad that your name hasn't been passed between us?"
She closes her eyes tightly and shakes her head again. In defeat, Ishida sits back down and waits for her to pull out the medical instruments. Though, he finds it odd there is no bag with her this time. Just her. Raising an eyebrow, he watches as she kneels down next to him and lays a hand over his chest with much caution.
Turning to her, he searches for an answer for his confusion. However, it seems she's forcing herself to focus on what she's doing and deliberately not meeting his gaze. Her hand stays there and with surprise, Ishida eyes it as a green glow surrounds from the tips of her fingers to the rest of the back of her palm. Soon, he feels a calming sensation. No sleepiness this time.
Her hand moves from his chest to above his face. It hurts only for a moment until a cool rush overcomes him. The tense muscles he once had seem to go away. The headache and dark thoughts begin to flow away. And, even as he thinks of his dreams, it doesn't bring such anxiety.
"What are you doing?" he manages to murmur to her.
"Ah...it's to calm you."
"Hm. I noticed that."
She doesn't respond but he's fine with that. It feels great to have this feeling, it's almost peaceful. It's not just physical; mentally he feels at rest as well. Amazing, he thinks. It continues for another two minutes until he's close to sleeping in comfort (for once in a very long time). He hears her move away from him. Ishida stays rooted on the ground, hands folded over his abdomen.
"It's...Isane."
Opening one eye, Ishida looks at her with curiosity. "Hmm?"
"My name. It's Isane."
He offers a smile as she nods shyly and begins on her way back.
"Wait."
Turning, she blinks, face crimson with embarrassment. "Yes?"
"Will you need to come back again?"
"Maybe...once more. To be...certain."
Nodding, he waves her goodbye, smiling gratefully and she goes on her way.
-x-
Uryuu knows that asking Rukia anymore questions would probably repel her from him. Or result in some sort of situation he doesn't want to be in, so his dreams are the only answers he'll most likely ever get.
In a great variety of his dreams, there is a young man with orange hair. He remembers him from a couple weeks ago, meeting him on the street. It was an unfortunate run-in, but from his dreams, the feeling had been both friendly and icy. Ishida concludes this boy had something to do with this fugue amnesia. He played some part.
And then there's the really strange relationship shown to him with Rukia. Ishida forces himself not to think of that often. He's having a hard time believing they may have been romantically involved-it's only getting complicated. The dreams open the flood gates of problems and the possibility of him and her just creates a whole new category of confusion.
To Uryuu's disappointment, flashes of the "powers" he supposedly wields only show in some dreams, out of the scores of others. He wants to know what a Quincy is, to understand what it means to hold the title. The last one, he thinks with a bit of morbid thrill. Is it that important? How many others had been given the name of "Quincy"?
It's a mystery but why doesn't it show itself to him already? He wants to know! It's not like before. He no longer wishes to start another life, apart from what he once was, apart from Rukia. Isn't that the whole point of this amnesia? They tell him it happened because he wanted to forget. Well. Now he wants to remember. And nothing is happening.
-x-
After dinner and the servant leaves, Uryuu takes his place in the far corner of the room. After sitting down, he holds his arm out in front of him and watches.
It comes from his core, the very center of his chest. The force he can command, he has found. It embraces him, as if a welcome back. The energy snakes down his right arm, pools into his palm and darts to his left hand. Always. It usually takes the form of a bow and arrow but the form disappears seconds later. There's something missing-something else must keep this form together.
But he quickly allows the current dissipate. Someone might see.
-x-
Rukia comes to see him every day now. It's been a total of three weeks of his stay here. Her visits are something he feels is right and looks forward to her presence. Her manners slowly progresses back to her more reserved personality and he thinks that means she's getting used to her time with him.
Usually she sits herself at the small table in the room, where he will eat. Today, she brings a meal for the both of them.
"I took it upon myself to get a nice dinner," she explains. Looking behind her shoulder to the door, as if worried the Elders are spying, Rukia sets the food on the table. "My brother is having me more involved in family matters. I'm afraid we don't have long."
He nods in understanding and eats with her in silence. For a moment, he wonders what else she's doing that she's not telling him.
-x-
"Are you all right?"
Uryuu stiffens and focuses his eyes on her, blushing. "Yes, why?"
"You're staring at me," Rukia informs him quietly, apparently just as uncomfortable as he feels. "Were you daydreaming?"
Forcefully turning back to his bowl of food, Uryuu frowns in contemplation. Truthfully, he had been thinking deeply on some things. However…
"Sometimes, seeing…you," he says in a hushed voice, "…it helps."
There is no response, though he spies a red tint on her cheeks as she ducks her head.
-x-
It's well into the night, the moon quite high in the sky and casts all kinds of shadows along the walls and floor. He senses a presence coming near and it isn't long until a silhouette appears through the rice paper door. Uryuu recognizes it immediately and watches through small slits as she steps inside.
Pat, pat, pat, pat.
When her footsteps cease, Rukia has chosen a seat only a meter away, legs tucked underneath her and hands folded within her small lap, back straight. She doesn't look his way and he half-wonders why. Rukia simply sits there, gaze set on the wall across the room.
For minutes, it stays like this and he continues to pretend. Curiosity and apprehension dies in that time and Uryuu realizes it feels rather peaceful with her close by. And, with satisfaction, he knows she feels the same. It's almost like in the past, when he had fallen asleep with her there, like a security blanket.
When she finally gets up, he reaches for her wrist suddenly. A gasp is released and sounds so loud in the night. Her eyes, filled with shock, settle on his determined features. He remembers a memory much like this-at Urahara's, when he pulled her down beside him before she could leave. Only, now, he's tugging at her with question and hesitance.
Permission is not granted and she withdraws almost violently and slips out of the room soundlessly. Uryuu feels like he broke something-temporarily, but he damaged some tranquility between them. He slumps back onto the mat and submits himself to nightmares, an escape for now.
-x-
They begin to go out more often. His health appears to be doing much better. The fatigue bothers Uryuu occasionally, though he's making up for it with these outings. And mentally…well, he's not having as many headaches as before. The memories are coming back gradually, though Uryuu refuses to tell Rukia, still feeling incredibly disconnected to the Rukia in his memories and the one with him now.
She takes him around. From time to time, they walk around different outskirts, just talking. Usually, they end up at that little creek and exchange words. Sometimes, she'll take him to the suburbs of the area deliberately, where there are more housing and market places. Rukia explains the poorer, less fortunate people reside here-almost unwelcome to the shinigami culture. Uryuu silently questions why this would be so important to her, why she would want him to know about it. But, in the end, it doesn't really matter as she leads him other places pleasantly.
When they sit down at the edge of the creek, Rukia stares at him pointedly. He gazes back, noticing a difference in her composure. The sight spurs a change within his thoughts.
Before he can stop himself, "Is anyone missing me?"
Frowning instantly, Rukia questions, "Why would you ask that?"
Shrugging, Uryuu keeps his eyes locked on hers. "I wanted to know if there was anyone else."
It's quiet between them and he supposes he shouldn't have said anything. It was stupid. He knows better. Asking things only brought about more problems and he keeps forgetting that. However, Uryuu desperately wishes to know his life from before-there must have been others, right?
But she surprises him. "Yes...people are missing you."
Uryuu tips his head to the side. She smiles prettily and he has to remember to breathe.
"Orihime. I bet you remember her. Vivid red hair and always happy," Rukia offers a half-hearted laugh. Frowning slightly, Uryuu has to keep himself from nodding because he still doesn't want her know. At least he has some names for the people in his dreams now. "And Chad too. The quiet and thoughtful type. Keigo-san asks about you more than anyone else. Oh, and Tatsuki-san sometimes. Renji too. Constantly, he's asking how you are. He would come see you but...well, you know."
"What?" he encourages her to explain. He doesn't know and he wishes she would just answer one question without leaving several others in its wake.
Her eyes meet his before they avert away again. "We agreed you'd be away from chaos and things that may confuse you. That's...why no one else is here. Just me."
Ah, so that's why she insisted he stay at the Kuchiki manor. It doesn't matter. He likes it here and they both know it. But Ishida thinks there's more to that story too. Leaning closer, he asks carefully, "Anyone else I know?"
She glances at him briefly, as if deciding to answer truthfully. He's noticed she doesn't want to lie to him. But she won't tell the whole truth and that's a fact. In her quick glance, Uryuu locates reluctant deceit with dismay.
Sighing, Rukia softly responds, "Not really. No one else has asked about you. You and me...we don't associate much, you know."
Then how did we meet? Uryuu wonders to himself.
-x-
On the way back, her shoulders sag just a little. He realizes, for once, that this has taken a toll on her as well. She's tired. Despite how her skin still glows with health, her eyes cannot hide the weariness. In his silence, Uryuu ponders reasons why she wouldn't find rest. What else could be troubling her?
He plants an arm around her tiny frame securely and she tilts into him, as if it's natural. His mind flashes back to his dreams. Of strange, nostalgic feelings and vivid visions, he remembers holding her close and Rukia's lips upon his sweetly. But those are dreams and he tries to force them out of his mind for now.
They pass the large gates and make their way to his little, temporary room. They pause, together, ten steps away from the door. The small hand within his twitches a little and they share a look filled with unconcealed anxiousness. When she lifts her head further, strands of black hair fall over her eyes. Something is about to happen, he thinks, something that is not warranted, or allowed, and probably crosses several lines his Other Self established. But all he knows is that he can't fight the urge to find any reason to make it matter.
Tenderly, he brushes the hair out of her face, eyes set on hers. A strange echo of the past whispers in his ear, reminding him that this may have happened before. It's not a dream this time around and, as Uryuu takes a moment to study the way her eyes meet his knowingly, he finds he's content with that. Bringing his body closer, Uryuu delicately skims his fingers over her cheek. Uryuu feels Rukia shiver slightly under his touch and, unhurriedly, he lowers his head near hers.
"Stop me," he whispers, a quiet plead because he knows that this is still wrong and it'll come back to hurt them.
--x--
Finally got to posting this chapter. Yay!